Embarrassed.

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Should I be embarrassed of myself? When I stim, rock or make odd gestures in public. When I have meltdowns in public.

People start at me.

Ivr actually had parents move their children away from me in cafes when I'm with my support worker or mum (I would never be able to go to a cafe alone). I've had elderly gave me piercing glares as well..

I feel like I shouldn't go out.

I can't stop being autistic. I can't stop my challenging behaviour, or even my other autistic behaviours.

My mum, friend and support worker are all really tolerant and helpful. But the public make me want to hide at home for ever.

Does anyone feel the same way? Does anyone else experience ostracism in public?

I cannot go out alone unless it's local and doesn't require public transport. The kids in my local area make fun of me and call me names, still.

IN all honesty, I don't think that's going to change anytime soon. Stereotypes exist and people are afraid of any difference, so many are going to be scared that you will lash out at them.

The best that can be done for now is for you to not care. If an elderly person glares at you, glare back for the hell of it. If parents move their children away, smile at them.

I suppose there's nothing you can do about kids making fun of you, as kids will be kids, but you could try have your support worker hand them an emotional note, hoping that it makes a difference.

Having a meltdown in public complicates the matter though, because everybody is going to worry if somebody is writhing and panicking in the middle of public. I'm not sure what can be done about that, besides for you to be rushed somewhere private I guess.

_________________
Unapologetically, Norny.
-chronically drunk

Let people cast their stones of judgment. It may be hard at times to not let these things bring you down, but you shouldn't care what other people think. At the end of the day, they don't know your full situation or your life struggles, so f#@k them.

I totally relate to that 100%. A thing for me that's helped I'm sure is always having gone to a school for kids with autism, so my stimming and meltdowns at school have always been typical behavior for kids there.

But it's difficult in public. The looks I get. Because of my dyspraxia I move spastic when I walk and that gets stares too. And I get stares mainly at places where we eat. I hate it the most when little kids stare at me. I figure most peple think I'm ret*d. Mostly from grown ups it's "that poor kid" type look. But some are like "why don't they leave him at home?" look. I know when I'm grown up, people will be even more bothered by a grown man being that way. But tough beans, that's the way I am. I don't like it any better than anyone else. They'll just have to put up with it.

Thanks all.

Yes the little kid and parent States are the worst.

I want to go to the newsagent to buy some sugary coke. Getting out of the house is very hard due to OCD checking. Then when I get out of the house, the daylight stuns me. Then if anyone crosses me on the street, I get stares or I think the person is trying hard not to stare. Kids would whisper about me, and if they're older, call me names. In fact I've been pushed onto the floor, chased and had footballs thrown at me before. Then, in the newsagent, I get overloaded due to visual clutter. I end up pacing up and down the shop, trying to retrieve my vision and find the sugary coke. It takes many minutes to do so. By then people on the shop are staring at me. I fumble with my coins, pay for the coke, no eye contact or speech, and then leave the newsagent. I sometimes cry outside for a bit, or kick something, then go home feeling totally sh*t.

That's just going to the newsagent. I need a support worker or my one friend (who hardly ever seen me now) or my mum to accompany me any further away from home.

I had a meltdown yesterday in Wimbledon due to the bright lights of a cafe, and the noise.

And somehow I'm supposed to fly to Jersey with my mum on Wednesday! Last time I went on a plane without special assistance, I nearly got arrested by customs!

I think you are very determined and brave to go to the newsagents on your own when you have to deal with such challenges. You should not be embarrassed by your behaviour. You do not choose to behave like this. Even if you did choose to behave like this, I don't think shame or embarrassment is useful for most of us.

I struggle with embarrassment and low self-esteem because I have great difficulty with things others find easy. I have to remind myself that I am different, I am not deliberately disruptive, challenging or defective. None of us are.

LOL...I know you don't want friends.

But I wish I were your friend, so I could assist you in dealing with this stuff.

There's much potential in you to do good, I feel.

^ Thank you.

I believe by using logic I can eliminate a good portion of the embarrassment.

I cannot relate to you 100% but I can remember up until my mid to late 20's having really explsive meltdowns in public.

At the time I couldn't see even notice anyone around me because the meltdown would completely consume me but afterwards I would feel absolutely mortified.

It happened one time in a bar on a night out. I threw all my money at the bar maid. She was really kind though and comforted me. I wasn't drunk.

I could never go back there again after that because of my embarrassment.

Sometimes it's the awareness that's the worse thing. But it's also the awareness that might help you ultimately.

I wish you well

BB

I suggest you identify a group of kids who act particularly sh***y and get your aid to yell at them and explain exactly why they are being little s**ts. That usually gets them to reflect a bit on their sh***y behavior when they realize the "ret*d" actually does have feelings and whatnot and what they are doing is not expectable behavior.

Thanks both. I will ask my support worker to watch out for the little sh*ts next time they're about. It's holidays now so they should be out during the day (not at school).

Meltdowns are a curse. Even worse is a meltdown when police end up dealing with me. When I am calm I wouldn't attack a police officer, but when I am in meltdown mode, just like Babybird, I cannot control myself. Ended up with four officers pinning me down to the ground and handcuffing me. This has happened several times and I have a phobia of the police now.

I agree. But the police thought I was drunk. When they got me into a "place of safety" (as it is officially called), they did a breathalyser test on me, alcohol level was 0.00 mg/dL (obviously - I never drink any alcohol) and then they got a psychiatrist to see me. I was nonverbal during that time and ended up being sectioned on a psychiatric ward. Two weeks later I managed to get my section lifted and was allowed to go home.

I have decided that my embarrassment is illogical and I will try to reduce it as much as possible.