living on your own

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I tried to ask this question in a different forum but didn't get any answers XD.
So I'm trying to move out of my parents and get my own apartment. Does anyone have any advice for a high functioning aspie?

I know if/when I move out, I'll end up getting a caregiver to look after me. I can't pay bills, cook or clean. I also can't manage money very well either. However, it also depends on just how high-functioning you are. If it's bad enough that you might need support, try seeing if a friend or perhaps your parents can check in with you to see how things are going? I don't know. I've never moved out before so I can't really say.

...Well , start by getting a tarp and a yoga mat , or a sleeping bag of some sort and practice sleeping outdoors - and practice walking around w/a backpack or a duffle , whatever - practice being homeless ...........

...Well , start by getting a tarp and a yoga mat , or a sleeping bag of some sort and practice sleeping outdoors - and practice walking around w/a backpack or a duffle , whatever - practice being homeless ...........

Wow.......

Make sure the place is EXACTLY what you want/need. If you can, tour the place with the manager and someone you are familiar with, preferabally when it will be busy. That's usually after school lets out for the day. This way if you have sensory issues, you can see if you can handle it at its worst. Also, make sure it's close to a bus stop if you don't have a vehicle or someone to drive you. Ask questions! Ask about the general noise level, maintenance staff, you know the basics. That's why I would tske someone you trust with you as well. They can ask questions that you may forget or are too nervous to ask.

Living on your own is nothing to fear. Think of the freedom you will have in your life. I am getting ready to do the same thing. I know that I will probably end up with a caretaker as well. I am horribly bad at keeping house. I also have a tendency to forget appointments and lock up anytime I go grocery shopping. I get overwhelmed easily. I may end up in semi-assisted living and I'm ok with it. I wish you luck and hope I helped in some way.

Sorry for the long answer. I would rather give a lot of information than have you go in uninformed.

Mel113, I just had to say I *love* your kitty-cat avatar! Adorable!

/endhijack

@Shelldor2005
Thank you so much! I didn't even think about some of the stuff you mentioned.

Financially make sure you have a cushion. It took me a couple of years to move out of my parents home. I had saved up a bunch of money, the place I wanted was within my means but a little on the high end. I talked with the company I was working with at the time about a pay raise to fix this, and they told me to wait a couple of months, but that I certainly deserved the raise and that they would give it to me then...

Figuring I'd be getting a raise, I moved out because I absolutely couldn't stand living at home anymore, and two weeks after signing my lease everyone in the company was furloughed. I lost 20% of my income. I spent a year and half like that before I was laid off, and then spent another 5 months on unemployment before I landed my current job. Needless to say I was literally on my last month of saved up money before I would have to move back home and live with my parents again. The cushion saved me... so did unemployment checks.

That would be my advice: make sure you've saved up. Best of luck to you too, moving out and living on your own is the first step to independence. For me it's been a very rough road, but if I was still living at home I have some serious doubts on whether or not I'd be living.

I'm 47 and still living at my Mum's place but in the mean time between now and my teens, I haven't always been here. I was in a relationship for 22 years and raised a daughter who is now 20 years old so I do have some life experience...

So, you want to move out on your own..


The first word that pops into my mind when you say that is ... R E N T

You[ll need money. That means you'll need to have a job.

there's more but I'll type to you later

Hi Mel!
First, my most important advice is: Don't worry too much about living on your own! Many parents (also parents of NTs..) see it as a very big thing and doubt their kids will be able to handle everything on their own. I think, that's mostly because they still have a vivid memory of their children when they couldn't do anything themselves, and also because they fear the change in their own lives. But these fears are normal and you probably can do everything that's needed. And if there should be any problems, you can ask someone for help. So I think it's good that you take this step, and it can give you so much more self-confidence!

I also like what Shelldor said. Look for a place that meets all your practical needs. Short way to work/school/whatever, short way to a supermarket, but on a quiet street, if possible. Maybe close to a park, if you like going for walks (like I do). Maybe close to a friend's place. Not too far from your parents, if this is important to you, but also not too close to them. Because, if you see each other too often, you won't have enough freedom to really make your own decisions and stand on your own feet.

Then, get two or three big folders where you will put your paperwork in. It might be hard first to be tidy with your paperwork, but it's very important. For example, if you need to look up some insurance contract, you should be able to find it. Paperwork is no fun (at least to me and many others, maybe you're different), but in the end it's much more work and stress if you don't keep it tidy. That was probably the hardest thing to learn for me when I had my first apartment. If some paperwork stresses you out too much, so that you can't get yourself to do what you need to do, don't avoid it, but ask someone to help you with it! It's so much easier if you're not alone with it.
This year I once made a deal with my sister, she helped me with some nasty paperwork and I helped her clean her (many) windows. That worked great.

For your daily structure, I think everbody needs to find their own way to do things. For me, it's very helpful to have a whiteboard on the wall with a "timetable" for the whole week. Every monday I write down all my appointments there. And I like writing lists for shopping and other things I need to do, because when I keep it all in my head I get overstrained. I'm sure you will find your own tricks for issues like that, if you don't already have some.
Housework - well, if it gets too bad, get help. But probably you won't be worse than many NTs. It's not such a big deal, I think.

Sorry for this long post, I hope you find it helpful.

I really don't mind the long posts at all XD
I have a (low paying) job -trying to find a better one- and I'm struggling with saving and paying my bills already, so I know I need to work on that. But a lot of things you guys are mentioning I wouldn't have been thought about.

Pay no attention to people who tell you that failure and homelessness are inevitable for an Aspie.

Yes, I was homeless, but only for as long as it took me to work my way out of it. It also helps to stay out of trouble with the Law - and no, it is not inevitable that being an Aspie automatically brings trouble from the police, either.

Stay out of trouble, work hard, learn as much useful information as you can, and never give up - those are the keys to a successfully independent life.

Yes, try not to fear the worst... Short of not being able to afford the rent, there is no reason to suppose you will end up being homeless. I'm assuming you already have a full-time job or disability payments which will cover the rent.

I'm in the process of looking for a place myself and I'm determined not to repeat past mistakes. I'll never, ever move into halls of residence or share a house with students for example. In fact I'm not willing to do a house-share full stop. I'm quite anal about having a clean kitchen and bathroom and if I end up with people who don't give a crap about cleaning up after themselves, it's going to be a nightmare for me. Similarly if I end up with people who have their boyfriends or friends round nearly every day.

On the other hand, for some people a house-share might be suitable. I wouldn't have thought for most Aspies it would be a good idea though.

Shelldor's advice is sound, too. Unless you're rich, there'll probably always be a few compromises you'll have to make. But you should strive to avoid moving anywhere which is likely to drive you round the bend. If you have sensory issues relating to noise, it makes sense to avoid a busy main road with loads of cars or pedestrians going down it. At the same time, if you don't drive, you don't want to end up in a remote rural village which has one bus service which runs once a day (if you're lucky).

I am glad I could help. The others have also made excellent points. It's nice to see other WP members help out on such an important issue!

I'm getting ready, with help from my county's Case Management Program to seek independence again. I am petrified yet happy at the thought of it. I guess I am getting overwhelmed by trying to figure out all that I will need (kitchen stuff and furnishings). Plus the being alone thing doesn't really help my anxiety. Hopefully, I will be able to get a caregiver or something equivalent to that. I want to have say in my money and time. I wouldn't even mind a semi-assisted living situation. As long as they didn't rob me blind.

I haven't had my appointment with the Case Manager yet. I am hoping to have one after the holidays are over.

My therapist is being helpful with this and thinks it is a good idea to have someone who can come in a few times a week and who could also help me go shopping and things like that. He is still insistent that there is a cure for some of my problems. He is still learing about ASD. I'm his first patient with ASD.

Sorry to rant, but this is a huge step for me.

Mel, you will do great on your own. Don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it.

In my experience, moving out is one of those things that seems much more daunting than it really is. It's really not that bad, and the freedom is amazing.