Giving into temper tantrums

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As a parent with AS, I find myself getting over-whelmed, sometimes even stressed out when my younger children begin to scream, cry or whine when they want something. I think that the quickest and easiest way to put an end to it is to give them what they want - for *quiet*. Problem with this is that I know that it reinforces the bad behaviour, only making things worse.... - not just for me, but for my husband as well.

Do any of you have any coping methods for dealing with getting overwhelmed or stressed out when it comes to your children?

1) Ear protection. Either ear plugs or those firing range ear muff things.

2)KEep this in mind, if you continually capitulate to their demands, they will have MORE tantrums in the future because they know it will get them what they want. So they will do it more frequently. If you do not capitulate they will have longer louder tantrums... at first. But over time they will decrease in frequency and intensity and therefore you will have to deal with them less.

3) Make sure they are tantrums and not meltdowns. I thought I had the most stubborn, pickiest, most irrational kids on the planet. Turns out maybe I do, lol, but one of them is autistic and the other has severe ADHD. So the one with autism has meltdowns and the one with ADHD has no impulse control so she tantrums when she is angry even though she knows it won't get her way... this is sad because sometimes she'll be having a tantrum and she'll scream "I know I'm wrong! I just can't stop because im so ANGRY!! !! !" When this goes on I treat it like a meltdown. I still don't give in, but I put my ear muffs on and try to comfort her.

It's important to make a judgement call about how legitimate the complaints are.
They want another bar of chocolate? Don't give in.
They're overwhelmed by noise or a strange texture or something? Take their complaints seriously and try to sort them out.

I don't mean to be patronising, but if you haven't tried already, teach them how to ask nicely so they have another way of expressing themselves.

I don't think my younger two have any autistic traits, but my eldest daughter is very over-sensitive and does a lot of the things I do. Our 6 year old is getting better with whining for things, but he asks persistently when he wants something - our 3 year old screams for things a lot. Just a few moments ago, I was giving her some yoghurt and she started screaming because she wasn't getting it fast enough... I told her that she wouldn't get it if she was screaming, and that she had to ask nicely. She calmed down, and I gave it to her. I like the earplug idea.... never even thought of doing that.

Thank you for the advice you guys

I tell my son if he doesn't stop what he is doing, he goes to his room. If he keeps continuing, I put him in his room and tell him he can come out when he is done. I don't look at it as a punishment, I see it as his safe haven for his episode so I don't have to listen to it and he can yell or scream all he wants in there to let it all out and his room is the place to do it.