People who are always nice and unfailingly empathetic

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This may go along with my other thread and maybe some other threads going on here - but I have a really hard time trusting people who are ALWAYS nice, like warm and fuzzy and kind. Is that an Autism thing or is it just because I'm cynical?

One example is a woman at my job who is just BELOVED by so many people. I can't stand her, I don't trust her at all and she's stabbed me and a few other people in the back more than once.

My feeling is that no human being is all that loving all the time and if somebody tries to act like they are, they are hiding something.

So what do you think? Are there people that are just good, like those proverbial people that get described as lighting up a room, loved by everyone, loving everyone?

Maybe it's a hard question to answer because the concept of "nice all the time," is subjective.

Eh, I wouldn't go so far as to say I'm suspicious, but it is frustrating on here when you argue with one of these people over something completely unrelated, and their "followers" show up to trash you without any regard to the actual content of the conversation. There are a few members in particular here who are like that, extremely supportive to anyone who seems to be having a hard time, but condescending and insulting to anyone who disagrees with them, and you're the jerk if you call them out on it.

A related phenomenon is people who flame away in PPR or L&D and get burned back, then retreating to The Haven to complain about all the jerks being mean to them in the other forums and getting unqualified support from people who never looked at the original threads, even bashing those "meanies" in the other forum along with them. At the very least, I see that as taking advantage of the better nature of the people posting in The Haven, at worst it's a bit more pathological.

I think there are truly good people but they are not necessarily the ones that are "nice" and "loved by everyone". I can think of some people IRL who are truly good and don't even like talking negatively about others. They are not the "nice" and "loved-by-everyone" kinds of people. Those that are actively "nice" tend to have a different side that they are hiding. I consider their niceness as their manipulation skill.

The kinds of people Dox47 is referring to are probably the same. They just want show their superficial niceness although I don't know whom he is referring to as I don't go to PPR, L&D or Haven.

It's really hard to tell what's really inside other people's minds.

Most of the time people like that creep me out.
Clearly they are acting in order to manipulate how others perceive them.

They are salesmen, and often are psychopaths as well.
Not everyone, but often enough to be wary of the behavior.

I don't understand people like that either, but I don't really interact with them so I don't care about it.

LOL....I hope I'm not included amongst the "unfailing" nice people. I believe I'm one to "call a spade a spade." I try to offer advice which is honest and based on reality.

Obviously, I don't always succeed; there are times when I might not understand a person's situation (because I'm not in the presence of that person)--so I might offer advice which seems positive and inspirational--but doesn't really help the person. In these instances, I have not done my job. What I seek to do (at the times when I'm not in a silly mood LOL), is to provide a person with the wherewithal to "do the best he/she can."

In these situations, I should harken back to Plato's "Allegory of a Cave"--wherein people have to see flickers of light before they see the "full" light. It is an overwhelming experience to be exposed to too much at one times. Possibly, this was why I was "Kanner" autistic as a very young person--then, with gradual exposure to the "light," rather than forceful exposures, I was able to "see" the light better. Thus, I was able to relate better to the world by age 6.

In conclusion, I hope I'm not seen as being "syrupy" nice--but at least okay in substance (preferably more than okay LOL).

I also don't believe that "unfailing" bluntness is the way to go, either. I believe people should use diplomacy with each other. Frankly, if people were always blunt to each other throughout history, we wouldn't exist today. Even animals frequently practice diplomacy. They don't always appear in "attack mode," even when they mean to attack. At times, they teach their young gently, rather than bluntly. They mut have read Plato's Allegory as well.

I agree with you, cannot stand such people either. In fact, I think they are the spawn of satan. All of them, except for kraftiekortie, who wrote somewhere that he may partially be of Dutch descent.

I'm probably about 1/3 Dutch, through my father.

I think perpetual niceness in a person is very likely too good to be true. I wouldn't condemn anybody out of hand for being that way, but I'd always have it in the back of my mind that they were probably hiding a darker side. In a way it's hard to feel secure about any friendship until there's been a conflict and you've seen it get resolved, and they may be too nice to let that happen. I suppose you're more likely to get passive aggression from such a person - I guess that's what the OP experienced.

Sometimes it's a cynical act to mask a competitive agenda, other times it's quite genuine as far as it goes. I knew a very nice guy who was hiding a much darker side, but only in the sense that he had problems in his life that he didn't want to share with me, so my only grievance is that I might have been able to help but wasn't given the chance. Other nice people I've known have been "conflict-avoidant," well-meaning but unskilled at handling conflict.

I have lots of Wolfman underneath....so watch out!

Seriously....there's a competitive side to me.

Am I good at conflict resolution? I would say that I'm getting better. I definitely wasn't when I was younger.

In real life, I tend to want to avoid conflict, rather than engage in it. This has caused me paradoxical conflict throughout my life. But I also believe in defending one's self if one's attacked directly.

I don't quite understand what is wrong with being nice in your interactions with others, I try to be nice, to balance out all the bs Ive experienced in my life, honestly Ive had enough animosity in approx three decades to actively avoid more of it.

I've had some negative experiences which changed my view on the world and how I choose to live my life, with regard to empathy; If I can identify with the content of a post/RL person, I try to help them out while making sense of the mess my life became. Its not altruistic, it makes me feel human, instead of empty and numb. Is that an example of the darker side someone could be hiding?

The example of the woman you work with is not imo a nice person, because the words are fake, the intent is fake and it's influenced by the dynamics of a work environment, i.e. not people you would necessarily choose to have in your daily environment.

The more warm and fuzzy someone is, the more able I am to trust them. I feel that the world needs more warm fuzziness.

Hi guys, thanks for all the answers.

I think I didn't really clearly describe what I meant by nice person. I don't mean that I want people to be mean as opposed to being nice, I like nice people. I also admire certain people who can, for instance, be kind to people I know that they don't like. That's a great quality.

So I don't mean I think people should be MEAN as opposed to NICE. But that they should have normal human reactions at certain times, as opposed to always being NICE AND KIND AND UNDERSTANDING. It takes a range of emotions to make up a real human personality and if all you ever see is SWEET, even when the situation doesn't warrant SWEET, then is something not being hidden? Nobody should be MEAN, just have normal human reactions.

IS that any clearer?

wozeree, these are the types of people who often climb to positions of power--this personality is common in the business world and among politicians. They contain their "less attractive" human emotions, and learn to always say what other people want to hear rather than what they truly feel or think. They manipulate, lie, and build "networks" of allies to protect them and their reputations. It's often difficult to call them out on their inappropriate conduct, because they have so many friends who will fight you if you are seen as a threat.

I, myself, have not met too many people in "positions of power" who aren't arrogant jerks--or at least neutral to unfriendly because of their single-minded dedication to making money.

Most of the "syrupy" nice people have been in some kind of public relations capacity--and in a middle-to-subordinate position, usually.

Yes its clearer, the political/business example helps.