misinterpretation of social encounters
Yesterday something happened to me that was really interesting. I was in a cooking supply store with a friend. We got help from a stores lady on finding some stuff. After we left she was like "that stores lady was really rude." I said "Really?" (I was surprised, I thought she was acting fine/ polite). Then she was like "yeah her tone of voice was really rude."
I was thinking, is my perception of social situations really that off? Has anyone ever had an experience like this?
I've had a few moments like that. Even though I think I'm good at reading people's tone of voice and body language, a lot of little things still get pointed out to me by my friends.
Everyone is prone to misinterpretation, even NTs, and so I always try to be objective. Maybe that's someone's normal tone of voice. I don't care if someone at a store is rude to me, as long as they're doing their job and I get what I need.
And to be honest, I like people who are rude to me. They tend to be easier to read since they don't hide their emotions well.
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"They sound good in my brain, then my tongue makes not the words sound very good, formally." - Homer Simpson
Undisgnosed - Aspie score: 122 of 200 - NT score: 105 of 200
Unless they start swearing at me or make derogatory comments, I wouldn't know rude if it poked me in the eye with a stick. I would need to be told like the OP. Strangers are the hardest to read because I don't know how they act normally.
When I know people well, I can see they're acting out of character but I can't work out the emotion behind it. For example, a woman I work with seemed unusually abrupt one day and I knew she was acting strangely but I couldn't work out if she was angry, tired or didn't want to be bothered. Later someone said, "Mary's really upset today." And I never would have picked upset. It's like a lottery for me. I lose many more times than I win.
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It's like I'm sleepwalking
That does happen: neurotypicals DO misinterpret within a social context. They're not perfect, either.
Some neurotypicals misinterpret other peoples intentions a lot more than Aspies. Try living with a borderline for a while and you'll know what I mean.
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Reason over passion. Pierre E. Trudeau - former Canadian PM.
I have come to believe that different people have different taste in interpersonal behavior. Why do I think this? Because there have been many times over the years when the following scenario has happened. I would be in a group of (2 or more) people and someone person interacted with the group then left the group. After the person left the group, some people might say, "oh, I really liked her", while I thought in my head, "actually she seemed unpleasant to me." Or it might be the other way around. I might really like the person on first impression, then another person in the group would make a comment to the effect that they didn't like how the person interacted. He or she was "rude" or "cocky" or "too quiet" etc.
I have also noticed that I will interact with a range of people in a day, and each time I will feel like I am being naturally myself. So, I feel as though I am being essentially the same in each interaction. However, some of those people will give me the impression that they don't like how I am interacting with them. Or so I interpret it. They might seem to be frowning or they might respond with sarcasm or those mysterious double-meaning comments. Other people however seem to really like what I am saying and encourage me to continue. They might respond with an obvious smile, etc.
So, to sum up what I hoped to say, it seems like some people would prefer that people act one way, and some people would prefer that people act another way.
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