How Can I Convince My Parents That People With AS Can Drive?

Post Reply New Topic

Hi everybody! How can I convince my parents that people with AS can drive? I don't drive. I have spatial awareness and coordination issues. I tried driving before with my mom and got into a really bad accident. Me and my mom could have gotten killed. Now my mom and dad are terrified of me trying to drive again. They don't even want to think about the thought of me driving again. I tell them that I'm fully capable, but they still won't teach me again. They won't even let me in the driver's seat anymore. I tell them that a lot of people with Asperger's drive and that just because I have AS doesn't mean I can't drive. I know they just want me to be safe. They just don't think its safe for me to drive. I live in a small town in Mississippi in the middle of nowhere(not close to any stores, gas stations, etc.) where you need to know how to drive to get anywhere. I live on a country road. It's a gravel road. A lot of big trucks just fly by and my parents are afraid I won't know how to react in a dangerous driving situation. There's no driving schools or instructors in my area. So, basically I depend on someone else to go anywhere. What should I do?

It sounds like they're "okay" with you being unable to drive. (I mean, ideally, no one would ever drive outside of closed off stunt courses, because it's super-dangerous no matter who you are, but we drive anyway because we need the transportation. They don't have a problem with you not having transportation. Parents often want to limit their teenagers' independence anyway, so combining that with the danger, they have every motivation to keep you from driving.) Is there a way to change that? Is there something they'd want you to be involved in, maybe having a job or something, that you currently can't do without them driving you back and forth several times a week? After a month or two of that, maybe driving will start to look a smidge less dangerous...

Otherwise, once you turn 18, try to circumvent their approval. You can get a learning permit without their permission and get someone else to sit with you while practicing. The tricky part is access to a vehicle, but maybe the friend who sits with you will let you drive theirs.

You could show them this very site and some of the threads here about driving, in which all kinds of people on the spectrum talk about how long they've been driving and what skill level they think they're at, etc.

If you do a search within WP you will find lots of "Can you/do you drive?" type of threads. Many here speak of lifelong normal driving skills, illustrating that plenty of people with an ASD can drive just as well as any neurotypical person.

However, having said that, it can also be that some people do have severe coordination and spatial issues -- even some NTs do. And for these people, the reality may be that it may never be safe for them to try to become a driver.

I have no idea if you might perhaps be this type of person -- all learner drivers are capable of having a near miss that makes everyone and even themselves believe they are too dangerous to be on the road. It's often part of simply being a learner -- you have to learn control, attention, awareness, and physical coordination specific to operating a car.

It could be that the dangerous near miss you had was one moment not representative of your potential if you continued.

Or it could be that you would continue to put yourself in danger due to spatial issues. The only way to know is to maybe go forward with a qualified instructor who can assess that for you. Is there any way someone like that from the next town over could come to your town to give you instruction, or maybe your parents could drive you to the next town to take lessons?

Some people with difficulties in the skill set needed may be wise never to become drivers, while other people may make beginner mistakes and be capable of becoming competent drivers.

Just show your parents threads from Wrong Planet in which members here talk about having no issues driving, and also suggest taking lessons from a professional driving instructor in the nearest town to yours. That person would be experienced enough to be able to tell if you're going to iron out problems or not.

Some can, some can't.

It depends on how AS affects you, and whether it's safe for you and other people on the road.

Driving around in an empty car park with a parent might determine if you're capable; doing the turns and various ways of parking should give an accurate picture (within reason). It'll be safe for both of you doing it this way.

If your parents think you aren't capable, they might be right. You could also get an independent evaluation too at a driving school.

I've been driving for less than a year and haven't got my full license yet. I am 18 years old.

Everyone is completely and utterly useless the first time they're in that driver's seat. Like completely useless. It feels weird being there and you are completely terrified.

I'd recommend you start learning in a car with duel controls if possible with a qualified driving instructor. They can brake and reach across and stear you from danger. Happens a lot and is part of learning, autism or not. And knowing they have control really helps in building skills while not worrying about your safety.

As for how, you want to be on a straight stretch of road which is very quiet with little to no traffic. You want the person teaching you to demonstrate what you're expected to do so you're clear. They'll show you to check your seat and mirrors are in position and how to know when they are. Then to do safety checks. As I drive manual that's clutch and handbrake. Only then do you start the engine. Then you want to just drive forward tiny bits at a time, going no faster than 10 mph. You want this gradually building up and eventually moving onto junctions like intersections and crossroads once you feel you're in control.

Only once you feel as though it is you with control of the car and not the instructor do you want to be in a regular car with your parents. They need to be patient and not freak out as when they do it makes you worry and hesitate and that's when problems happen.

As for the controls, I'm still very clumsy with them. I am apparently extremely rough with the gearstick and seem to have trouble locating where the hell it is and have punched the dashboard quite a number of times. And my dad's leg.

Don't worry about not knowing where the car is on the road. It is a very hard thing to judge and comes very slowly. As such you probably will hit the side of the road occasionally. Again, don't worry. It's to be expected. I've done it quite a few times and it can be scary if you don't expect it.

Only when you get used to controlling the car do you want to start doing things like parking and turning around. They require a lot of control and awareness of where on the road you are. Again you need very clear instructions.

I hope this helps. And I hope you can drive

I agree -- a professional instructor with that person's dual-control car is what's needed here, even if only to evaluate whether or not the OP can ever go forward in their skills.

I know many, many people are just taught by Mom or Pop in the family car with no problems.

But some other people do need an experienced professional and the correctly equipped car they can provide, in order to be taught correctly from scratch, in greater safety and a greater degree of control.

Some people with AS are probably better drivers because they are geared towards being systematic and following rules. Which I am myself. But having spatial awareness and coordination issues is a big problem when it comes to driving. I have this problem myself. Technically I'm a great driver. I can easily ace the written portion of a driving test. But because of my spatial awareness and coordination issues, I think me being behind the wheel would be very dangerous.

I believe that Cyllya1 is correct and that limiting you may serve other functions, for your parents. And I also have some questions that may be useful to consider.

Why were you not driving in a more suitable location, during your first driving lesson? How calm was your mother, prior to the accident, and may that have had an effect on your performance?

Try instead with a professional teacher, at a driving school, is my suggestion. The teacher will expect you to be nervous, and inexperienced, and if he's any good at all he'll help you to overcome that.

If you have spatial awareness and coordination issues then they may be right, I think that's one of the toughest things about being an Aspie, everyone has different capabilities, but I think you have to try to find out whether its something you can do or not and you should argue with your parents to at least give you a chance to try in an empty parking or taking part in a driving school. Accidents can happen to any new driver, one of the first times I went driving with my mom she took me on the highway and told me to turn off onto a side road but didn't tell me to slow down doing it and we end up spinning around in a 540--today I make my living delivering pizzas and have only ever been in one accident, but be prepared for the fact that it might not be a skill you will be able to do safely. I don't know the severity of your issues.

I know what you're going through out on those country roads, I grew up in Mississippi myself and everything's so spread out you really need a car if you're going to be doing anything (and not many of the cities are designed for walking). If you're unable to drive, but want to live a somewhat normal life you may have to make the choice to move to a larger city with a strong public transportation system so you don't need a car to get around. Maybe if you told you're parents this is the choice you feel you're facing they may be more willing to try, because I'm sure they don't want to lose you and I don't know of many cities in Mississippi would really suit your needs (but then I haven't really been looking).

If you are planning to go away for college, its location and availability of public transport in its city should be a factor you shouldn't overlook if you are unable to drive.

My advice would be that you practice on an empty parking lot with your parents so that you can show them you can drive, then gradually get more skills, then go into driving school where you will learn very well and then get your drivers license, a license means a professional says you can and know how to drive, and stay safe.

^^^ Agreed - take it a step at a time. I'm aspie and I've been driving for 33 years. I'm a careful driver- try to avoid distractions like your celphone, etc.