Eloa wrote:
I had no suspicion of being autistic before being diagnosed, diagnosis was proposed by other people because they saw me struggeling a lot and being out of synch with many aspects of "normal life", but I was too much into myself to even realize it.
Sometimes I regret the gained consciousness about autism a bit,
before I was just me and now I can read up on symptoms and I know the technical terms and everything, especially as autism became a special interest for a period of about 3 years, interacting with my former special interest which I had for more than 20 years I am glad has changed back.
On the good side I now have a lot of accommodation, but sometimes I would want to go back to the time before the diagnosis, where the way I am is not a myriad of symptoms that I can look up.
Before diagnosis I have thought of myself that I did not really "have fully come down to earth yet", that I would need more time than others to fully incoporate, I always wrote down "Time has forgotten me" and I thought once it was done, and once time will wait a bit for me I would be able to archieve things others do,
but after diagnosis I realized that this is what it is, the symptoms will never disappear, and some affect me severely.
yeah, very good way of putting it, it won't go away and they cannot be changed easily, I just can't see myself having a job and being independent, that feeling was compounded by a diagnosis I think. I love that line time has forgotten me, it certainly feels that way sometimes, especially when others have adult lives and you don't.