What is Distress?

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There is a bit in literature that 'extreme distress at small changes' and I was wondering what distress was? Not the dictionary definition of course but rather practical examples from personal experience.

Thank you

Distress is a lot of things to a lot of people.

I would say it is, at the very least, a very unpleasant feeling. At worst, it could be the worst pain anybody ever experienced,

It is definitely a more extreme emotion than "unease."

^^^ That. Sometimes also characterized as a state of being extremely upset.

My best way of wording it is...when you have an ASD, basically it feels like early in life everybody got a rulebook except you. Life is very unpredictable for someone on the spectrum. So basically every change on top of that, no matter how small it is, can upset us, because it's one thing too much. Kind of like a glass of water that's too full, and on an uneven surface. A dash of water causes it to overspill, and sometimes knock it over i.e. distress, or a meltdown.

To explain: life in general is very unstable, but most importantly - people are very unpredictable. Most of life is governed by people. People surround us all the time, and they are unpredictable creatures. We can't tell *what* they are going to do next.

We don't have that rulebook that everyone else got, and yet we're forced to adjust to their ways. We can't do that very well, and we're blamed even though we do try, *really hard*, because to them we're just not trying hard enough. They can't see that we're trying. It's like they expect us to try and see things that aren't there. We find it very hard to pick up on hints, even if they're staring us in the face. And then, we're interpreted as selfish because it's assumed we're ignoring the needs of others.

To us, it seems everybody else just glides through life and we'll never be able to do that. Yet we're expected to, and we're under a lot of pressure for it. A lot of spectrumites put pressure on themselves or each other to just buckle up and get on with it. You see that a lot in this forum, for instance. It is one way of suppressing our emotions just so we can cope. To some, to admit that they're deeply suffering would be like ripping the plaster off a wound and letting it bleed. It's not like there's anyone there to comfort them anyway, because for a lot of them, they don't get any sympathy. Especially the men.

Scientifically, there are two types of stress.

Eustress is "good" stress. It's the strain on your body when you exercise, or any stimulus that induces a flurry of activity that you enjoy. You'd think an argument would be stressful, but if you get off on yelling at people or competing to get something done first, the physiological and psychological/emotional benefits of the stress actually improves your well-being.

Distress is "bad" stress. It also can be physical, mental, emotional strain, but it creates overall negative effects on your well-being.

That's why some people go for a hard run or do a punching bag when they are upset. We think they are channeling their aggression (and that's true), but the "stress" they are undergoing has a positive effect on their bodies and and minds that offsets the stress caused by what upset them in the first place.