"Don't label yourself"?

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OK, I'm 3 for 3 now for therapists that have told me this or something similar. Even the ones that seem to have no problem diagnosing me on the spectrum and treating my issues related to that, seem to still have a lot of trouble whenever I start talking about the idea of thinking about myself that way or disclosing that to anyone.

Does anyone know what the big aversion is between psychologists and labels?

I can't figure out what you are asking.

So- you have been officially diagnosed -not once-but three times. So apparently you MUST be an aspie.

But you can't wrap your head around the notion of yourself being an aspie?

Am I right so far?

So you talk to these doctors about -not the fact you are an aspie- but the fact that you can't handle thinking of yourself as being an aspie. And they cant handle the fact that you cant handle it?

Do the doctors have the aversion?
Or is it you who has the aversion?

Doctor 1: Officially diagnosed me with ASD
Doctor 2: Refused to acknowledge validity of diagnosis and tried to treat me for social anxiety disorder
Doctor 3: Validated ASD diagnosis and is currently treating me for related issues.

So thanks to as*hole Dr #2 as well as the general poor results I've had with the handful of people I have tried to disclose to, I'm still working through a lot of self consciousness and issues about how to handle the whole disclosure thing.

Neither of the other two doctors have really helped much, because whenever I try to address these issues, I get responses along the lines of "don't be so hung up on labeling yourself". I just don't get where that comes from, and why it's the first thing I encounter when I try to bring up my concerns about this with them. Is there some sort of theory about how or why that's a problem? There must be some connecting thread thread for them all to give me that same advice.

Is the label more important or the underlying issues? I can kind of see their point. They can't really do much about the ASD but they can probably help with whatever you're struggling with beneath the diagnosis.

No, but I don't really see why they're mutually exclusive.

They're not mutually exclusive, but getting too hung up on the label can hinder getting help for what's important to you. Ask yourself what is your purpose in seeing a psychologist? Is it because you need help with anxiety/anger/social/whatever issues? I would be spending my time (and money!) trying to fix these things. It would be easy for me to say ASD is the problem when most of the time it's actually my f****d up thinking that's the problem.

I've successfully disclosed--after getting a diagnosis--I changed my participation in a hobby club to exclude going to the business meetings they would have after the regular meetings.

I think disclosure works best if you have a specific request that is reasonable. Otherwise, most people aren't going to know what to do. Why is he telling me this????

Part of the reason may be that clinical psychologists are very mindful generally of "self-fulfilling prophecies" which in every day life is the "give a dog a bad name" proverb - ie negative labels=negative treatment=negative perceptions=negative outcomes.

Children told "you will always fail" tend to go one of two ways - superachievers (I'll prove you b......d's wrong) or abject failures (what's the point of trying, I'll always fail). Both are reactions to the curse of "you will always fail". It's a terrible thing to say to anyone - no-one knows the future - it's usually done to control and shame the target. But many children internalise it and live down to it...

I see what you're saying, but I also see what the docs are saying.

We come to these specialists for answers. You want a label to get a frame of reference for dealing with stuff.

But on the other hand the real world is mushier, and more fluid, than the pigeonholes that medicine makes up to classify the real world. Individuals may straddle the boundries between different conditions. So if one doc classes you as one thing, and the other two as something else-all three may see real things in your condition. So they tell not to get hung up on labels.

Thank you. That explanation seems to fit most closely with the feel I get during these conversations.

I think that the label matters because different symptoms can have different underlying causes, and if you assume that a problem is caused by one thing when it's another, the best thing that can happen is that you waste your time treating an underlying issue that is not, in fact, the issue you have.

And it's not only therapists. Of course some people will overdo it. If it is said don't fall into the trap of explaining everything with label or using it as an excuse, just use it as a guideline that would be fine. But the message is 99% of the time don't use the label at all, which is wrong for ASD because it is a PERVASIVE development condition so by definition it is going to effect a lot of who you are. What they are recommending is denial. It is another way of saying try at all times to "fit in".

I think this is the part that confuses me. Why give me a diagnosis if they're going to insist that I should almost always avoid thinking of or referring to myself that way? What B19 wrote kind of makes sense to me. But on the other hand, I already have a lot of issues with it. That's why I'm at the therapist in the first place. Maybe thinking of myself could make things worse, but wouldn't explicitly trying to ignore what we've already identified as the underlying source of a lot of my issues also risk making things worse?

What ends up happening is I just question the Doctor's confidence in their diagnosis, which in turn makes me question my own confidence. I came to them looking for some validity and closure and in a lot of ways I feel more confused than ever. It can be infuriating.

They do this so that you don't get stereotyped by others. It's the very same reason why they never say on the Big Bang Theory that Sheldon is aspie / autistic. They want Sheldon to be seen for the person he is - not the condition he has.

Because some people see the wheelchair - while only some others see the person in the wheelchair.

It's better to be appreciated and valued for who you are - with all your idosyncracies - than it is to be thrown into a category ("he's autistic").

That's all they're getting at.

I think GP's refusing to diagnose anything lets them off the hook of being responsible and held to account for not following legal guidlines.
Oh and it saves them money.
A "label" would enable me to not have to repeatedly explain other symptoms ALL the time.
Their would be a more holistic approach which would save me more anxiety.
I also think Aspergers is something to be proud of when enabled to have a more fullfilling life.

What perspective, technique or suggestions is the therapist offering instead? Which theoretical model does this therapist practice? You need to know this, because it powerfully influences how they conceptualise issues, solutions and how to bring about change. You have every right to ask this, and if you are fobbed off without a clear answer, or they say "none", that is concerning.