Is this normal?

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Hello, I am 27 years old and i was diagnosed with moderate to server aspergers at around the age of 8-12 of which i am not sure exactly when as a number of tests were run on me and all the depakote, lithium, seroquel, and 1 other I cant remember at the same time. started with a "Z" cant remember though.

I never talk about this with any one but figured it was anonymous while also having a 3rd party perspective.

what i am here to talk about and ask is if my experiences are normal abnormal or i am just wrong/messed up.
Ive spoken about it with my close friend and he views many of my moments in life as not right with alot more "french".
but i also know hes my friend and could be saying what i want to hear or only sees from the perspective of a friend and not objective. I also use to see a psychologist when i was 20-22 that expressed to me this is not normal and was very set on the premise i was traumatized at some point and i was repressing it.

I am not sure where to start but i guess ill start with this. may parents got a divorce when we moved to germany(miltary family) my mother took the childern and moved back to the states. after spending less then half a school year with her she told me I was the reason her marriage ended and how I was now going to live with my father as she could not longer handle me. at this point my father had moved to africa so i attended a international school for all the countrys diplomatic children. after a few months my father told me the school was not equiped to deal with some one of my needs and my father could not have me around because of his job. so not much longer after he sent me to a "boarding school", i say "boarding school" because it was really not i lived alone in a flat and was given 60 Rand a month. food was droped off by the matron 2 times a week while she checked in. I was just expected to show up at class and they did not care much after. no calls or interactions with my mother or father during this time.

fast foward 1 and a half years and my father says i am going back to live with my mother. so i make the trip back over again to the states to live with my mother. i am constantly informed by her how hard her life is because of me, how shes no longer married because of me, and she is not allowed to have a relationship again because of me. till I am 19. during this time she started the process to get me on SSDI. when i was approved she first attempted to make me move into what she called an assisted living home. it was a bunch of 30-50 year old people all liveing in a house with state appointed care providers. i promptly refused and said i would violate their terms of living here if she put me in this place. in the end i was able to rent a cheap flat with the ssdi money and my mother agreed to be my "care provider". this is when i finaly started to find friends. but its also when my relation ship with my mother changed even more.

after the first few months she made constant points of how my disability was not that inhibiting and how she was going to report me for muching off the system if i did stop asking her for help because any normal person gets a job.
personaly i was confused by this. my parents never teached me how to drive but i did ask and still do to this day. Ive never held a job and the one year i did go to collage i droped after 2 weeks because I had no way to get there.

And now not much has changed other then i could not see my therapist any more due to funding and transportation(and other things). im still reminded how i ruined her life, in long 1 to 3 pages emails i revive twice a month some times 1 if its a good month.

I have always view this as normal because my brother and sister as well as other family i knew did not have childern like me and they constantly helped them. by brother been given 2 cars and has his masters degree taken care of, and my sister has a simliar story but droped out and is now some manager to some company. every one got to go to school learn to drive and have friends if you were normal, not for people like me.

my therapist told me this was not normal and had a big argument with my mom one day when she refused to review our sessions with her. my friend says the same thing.
I know there is no way i am guiltless i know i have done alot of things wrong in life. but i guess i finally broke down after 27 years and posted here to see if this is true.

That's really bad and definitely not "normal" nor acceptable.

The way your parents abandoned you and the way your mum harasses you and blames you for "ruining her life"... Wow, that's seriously messed up. I am so sorry you've had to go through this.

You should be treated with respect. Disability or not - you should be treated as a human being. And no parent should ever say to their child even once, that they're responsible for ruining their lives - let alone pester them about it like your mum does to you.

Seriously f****d up s**t. Sorry if I put this too bluntly. Please look after yourself. I wish I could help. At least you could read books on how to be assertive, and assert yourself to your mum, in a way like 'look, this is just not acceptable - a child is never responsible for 'ruining' their parent's life' (unless it's a case where a grown-up child starts to be violent towards the parent, then we're talking about something different).

Hugs

I'm sorry you went through what you went through. It must have been difficult being shuttled off from place to place with no contact with your parents. People dropping food off twice a week! Atrocious!

Is your mother still the one who receives your SSDI money?

If she isn't, and you're the one who controls the money, I would tell my mother this:

"Either you become more civil in your emails, or else I won't answer them." Tell her that you don't need to read her diatribes, and that it would be nice if you were respected as a human being. You have that right.

How many times have you been reviewed for SSDI? If you've been reviewed, and have been approved for it, a call from your mother detailing how you could work will not get you off SSDI. In reality, they'll think she's just another nut.

Again, I wish you could get out of your rut--I wish I knew you so I could help you more. I wish you could get off SSDI and get a job. But maybe that's not reality. Maybe you really need SSDI for whatever disorder you have.

They'll probably be other people who could offer good advice.

I know this is a bit off-topic:

How is Zimbabwe these days? I hear Harare (which used to be called Salisbury) is a nice city.

I wish they would have had a Mandela in Zimbabwe instead of a Mugabe.

I could understand that you feel like you're in a bind, and that people are trying to control you. If you didn't feel that way, you'd be rather weird, actually LOL.

Maybe you could call SSDI, and ask if you could be made your own payee, since you're an adult now. Maybe your mother is giving you erroneous information (I wouldn't put it past her!)