Feeling ashamed about past social blunders

Post Reply New Topic

Sometimes I remember things I did in the past that were just totally inappropriate and probably made others feel really uncomfortable. Sometimes I was made fun of for those things. At the time I didn't really think about it, I figured those people were just being jerks. But now when I remember the incident in question, I feel so ashamed and embarrassed about it, and I almost can't believe that I actually did what I did (at least that means I'm learning, right? )

There were a couple times I did realize I said something that was really stupid immediately afterwards, and I was so embarrassed that I had to put up my hood and put my head on my desk (or basically hide myself in some other way). That's basically the same way I feel when I remember stuff like that now, even if it was years ago.

Does anyone else experience this?

After I learned I has Asperger's. Holy cow do I remember all of my social blunders. But the real sad part for me was the fact that my mother tried to correct me on a lot of these social mistakes and I never listen to her. I could never see what I was doing wrong and simply thought she was making all that up just to be mean. But now I see that she was right all along.

After I learned that I may have AS (still not sure), so many memories of social blunders from the past years, which I hadn't given much thought to at the time, came back to bite me in the ass.
I never realized how I was being perceived, and now I feel ashamed and embarrassed about them, especially when around the people who were involved in them.

I wish I could completely forget about them, but sadly, they have a way of sticking im my mind. Things as small as hearing a certain word can trigger one of them and make me feel like I want to hit myself.

This is my feeling:

You made social blunders (everyone makes them!). You suffered the consequences. You were quite young at the time.

Now, you've learned from them. Hopefully, you won't repeat them (though you might--even NTs screw up, too). It's pretty much useless to rue about them. You have a whole life ahead of you.

Don't let your past bite you in the butt. The past tends to be useless insects who have nothing better to do.

Make sure you get into college soon.

I had made so many of them and I had relentlessly shamed myself for them my entire life. Why could I be so stupid to say such a thing? Why didn't I know any better? I can't ever talk to this person again. Why do I even try talking to people at all?

It gets better as you get older.. just try your best to learn from your mistakes and not be so hard on yourself. It's part of life.

Having committed many social blunders in the past I wouldn't know what to be ashamed about because I wouldn't know exactly what I said that might have upset somebody. People take things said to them differently. Some people have even ended friendships with me over something I might have said to them. If some people are so touchy as to end friendships with you over some flippant comment you made to them, then to me that just indicates how sensitive and immature they are.
So I would say just move on with your life and accept that what is done is done. As long as you show respect towards others, friendships come and go.

It is worth pointing out that Aspies have phenomenal memories. Just because you remember it doesn't mean there is anyone else out there who also remembers it--even if you did it in front of a big classroom filled with people.

Obviously, if someone acts like they don't remember, this is not a good time to remind them of what actually happened according to your recollection, no matter how flawless you are at remembering such details.

The thing is, it's not like I'm going to face these people ever again. Most of this stuff happened in middle or high school. But still, remembering it makes me feel really stupid.

Some of them I also just feel guilty about, mostly the times where I unintentionally hurt girls' feelings. Which is probably why I've never had a girlfriend.

It might be that you thought your mom wanted to mold you into something she can show off as a visual example of her accomplishments and use you as an example of how superior her family is. I think sufferers of ASD possibly come more often from families like this or that have a perception of being these kinds of families. Sometimes when ASD sufferers are being corrected it is by someone who thinks they are a lesser human and/or wants to turn them into a sort of perfect trophy to show off, so naturally they feel whoever is doing the correcting is just being a complete tool even if what they are saying isn't wrong. And sometimes they feel that the person doing the correcting is trying to mold them into something they are not even if they have their best interests in mind.

So sadly this seems like another effect of the communication barrier that needs to be broken somehow. The obsession with eliminating imperfections in humanity may be the best place to start.

All of the time.

I made quite aLOT as a kid & teen & got teased & bullied for some of em & I sometimes didn't even realize others were making fun of me for em till I looked back on things. I'd feel really embarrassed if I think about speciic incidents but I try not to think about em for that reason.

I used to. Now when I think back on the very same instances, I just accept them for what they are.. it is what it is kinda thing. It's in the past and can't be changed. I did the best I knew how to or was capable of in the moment. But now with a more omniscient 20/20 hindsight view, I can learn a lot from those moments and hopefully never repeat the same mistakes. Also, now when I think back to a lot of those incidences I actually smile & laugh at how ridiculous I was because it really is kinda funny to me. So much better to learn a lesson and have a laugh than it is to dwell on things you can't change and feel embarrassed/ashamed or depressed!

Why does remembering it make you feel stupid? Remembering it could just as well make you feel smart(er), for having realized the errors you made in those moments so that you can learn from them and improve yourself. These memories aren't coming to surface to mock you and make you feel small. They're there to teach you valuable lessons. They're an opportunity for self improvement. Don't waste them with self depreciation.

I get this too. I often remember them suddenly for no reason, and I almost relive the situation and it makes me shudder. These are often years ago, were relatively insignificant, or involve peolpe I haven't seen for years and may well never see again.

One thing I'll note, with all this talk about people who use ASD diagnosis, including the lame ass self diagnosis, as an excuse for bad behavior, it is important for those of us really working through it to be able to relate memories of the sometimes severe social missteps we made before we learned to get a handle on it. I know for myself, when I think back to those memories, I can think ti myself "Oh, well I had ASD so it was fine, it wasn't my fault" but I inevitably find this just won't do. It does not erase the shame felt, it does not help when I go into a deep depression over it and it does not alleviate any of the anguish. I think for those of us who are trying to fix these past disasters the concept of using an ASD as an excuse is a complete non issue. Relating these stories shows it is clearly not the same as someone who is genuinely hostile and vicious and then minutes later says "Well I have ASD so it was not my fault". I think deep inside we know this fails miserably even when we try and justify it to ourselves.

I (fortunately) don't seem to feel shame. I used feel a bit of guilt/regret if I loose my temper and yell at someone, but I don't loose my temper any more.

If I offend someone, I don't give a s**t. It's their choice, their attitudes, that control if they are offended, not my behavior.