Is the thought of friendship overwhelming to you?

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Just curious if developing friendships (even with people who want to be your friend) is overwhelming for other people and why?

Somewhat. I feel like having too many friends would take up too much of my energy. Plus I'd rather be alone anyway.

It's the whole problem of being accountable for my actions and living up to certain personal expectations which I find totally overwhelming.

I have an issue with telling people where I am going and what I am doing - even that friendly phone call asking 'what have you been up to lately?' puts me on edge.

I feel like saying 'it's none of your business'...but that isn't the most friendly thing to say is it? so I usually reply with 'nothing much'.

Then, there's the whole drama of letting people know my whereabouts at any given time so others don't worry un-necessarily, which is only a very fine line away from them being a 'Nosy Parker'.

I have spent my whole life refining self-support and self-sufficiency, not having to answer to anybody but my own notion of a personal Divinity, so having to do this all of a sudden and all of the time is very off-putting and overwhelming.

Many of my friendships conclude with me saying "I never realised you were so emotionally needy, you should find somebody else to fulfill that personal requirement because I cannot and I'm sorry".

I still have to discover what it means to be 'there for a friend' and in what capacity because I usually say 'thanks, but if I require assistance I shall ask for it' (and I never do).

Friends need to be 'included' in your life and it's up to the individual to be constantly vigilant in monitoring these inclusions.

I was weaned on the 'familiarity breeds contempt' teat and I have spent my whole life trying to shake it off like Taylor Swift.

Yes it can be. I want to be closer to people but that's... complicated. Also the golden rule of "Do unto others as you'd have them do unto you" isn't really applicable. Because what I'd want someone to do for me is often not what the other person seems to want. The relationship I envision may be very different from their idea. Maybe they don't want to be close or open. Sometimes I get the feeling they don't even see me as a friend. Even if we've talked for a very long time.

And let's face it. I'm not normal. I don't always know how to respond to their normal stuff. They don't know how to respond to my not normal things. So it often is complicated. There are times when I wonder if a friendship is going to end or if I should end it. I don't want them to waste time on me if I don't add to their life.

Yes and no. Sometimes I hold back and resist getting to know new people because I'd rather not add another soon to be failed friendship. I feel suffocated when I know a lot of people, it makes it hard to eject from certain scenarios. I've been trying for a lot of years to trust people and still I feel like I've gotten nowhere and am back to square one. I suppose I'll keep trying though, someone out there has to click with me.

You have to invest a tremendous amount of time/ personal effort into a positive relationship with somebody leading to friendship, even if the other party is favorable.

Factors such as not keeping appointments, lack of attention to what the other person is saying, poor self-esteem and negative disposition will invariably put the other party off...

I find friendship a waste of time as the person I bring out to them is just a lie. What is the point of babbling in half-truths to get something out of it. I usually disappear as soon as anyone gets too close to the real me which is fine as I don't want them to pity me. Friendship is just the sign of weakness as they do not respect you as they only seek to obtain a resource from you.

Yes, I find that it is overwhelming. As I have messed up the process so many times in the past and have lost many 'friends'. I don't know if it is my own fault or if it is theirs. But friendships do require a lot of work and the truth is, it's just easier to be alone. I often find that with friendships I've had in the past I was the only person putting in any effort, so once I gave up the friendship died. Also, I find it hard to be able to tell if someone wants to be your friend, since there are no words spoken about it. You can't just ask "So, are we friends now?" or "Do you want to be friends?" Because of that I think I sometimes avoid those people because I'm unsure of what they want from me and I'm afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing. In my experience, they are a great way to waste time and in some cases embarrass yourself.

I find the idea of making new friendships worrying, in case I don't have the time to service the friendships once I've made them. Just like having too many projects open, it could lead to multi-tasking, and if it's social multi-tasking, that could go badly wrong in my hands. It's actually quite silly, because it's supposed to be normal to have a lot of "arm's length" friends who drift in and out of your life without any great significance. It's hard for me to understand that level, I always saw people as total strangers or forever friends. Black and white thinking I guess.

Thanks for sharing. What would be an example of this type of scenario?

Yeah I never know what people want from me either. Should I stay with a certain topic or are they tired of it? Would they like personal questions or be bothered by them? Does it irritate them when I say things like this or do that? And so forth...

Presumably if you've talked to someone for a while their is something they like about you. But you can't exactly ask them what they like. Nor can you ask how much they like you. People put on the spot can't be counted on to be genuine. They may be 100% honest but unless it was their idea to voice that opinion it's hard to know.

The amount of energy I can put into socializing and talking some weeks can become overwhelming. Greeting, approaching, and responding to the same people no matter what my default energy level is at the start of a day is a pain, multiplied by the seemingly inevitable failure to move beyond acquaintanceship. Some very energetic people can make me feel jittery.

Absolutely. It's worse initiating, so I tend to let people approach me. But that can backfire too.

No, I find the reality of it exhausting and usually not worth the effort.

Not so much overwhelming as tedious. Having had almost all my friends leave the friendship within a year or two, it just doesn't seem worth my time. Though, I am hopeful to meet people who understand my personality and behaviors without criticisms. [sigh] We will see, I suppose.

I usually don't talk to people unless they talk to me first. Too many failed friendships to think it's a good idea to keep trying. But yeah, them starting it isn't a guarantee things will work well either.

I am glad I got to talk to some people in 2014. It helped me understand autism better and sometimes made me happy. Sometimes very happy. But, to make a gross oversimplification, friendships are complicated.