Cannot tell if people TRULY like me

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I just had a re-realization. I have realized this before, but something just happened that made me realize its very true. I cannot, under any circumstance, say 100% whether someone likes me or not. I don't mean like as in want to date, I mean like as in tolerate, enjoy being around me, want to be my friend. As soon as I think they do like me, I am then convinced they don't, and vice versa. Even my brother in law, who I have known for 8 years, I cannot tell 100% if he actually wants me around. With the exception of my parents, there is no way for me to know if someone likes me or not. I will always doubt it no matter what. I wish I could explain this in a more detailed way, but I can't seem to find the words to describe it better.

This the case with anyone else?

I have only ever reached about 70% -and that includes my parents!

--but now that I am talking away and reading ,Wrong Planet... I think it's time to try and let go of the logic, and maybe be at one with the human race --problem is anyone that I end up, 'letting in' or trusting ,, usualy ends up , A. Backstabbing, or B. Emtying my wallet.

Totally the same, but I have incredibly low self esteem which must at least partly account for it. I find myself trying to work out if I am boring them, or if they are simply pretending to like me...and usually that I what I end up believing...that people just pretend to like me, though I am not so worried about that here as aspies are more prone to speak the truth than to pretend anything like that.

I can relate to this...I find it hard to read what people are thinking of me. I used to think that everybody hated me...or that everybody felt awkward and repulsive around me...

Now I realize that my feelings were exaggerated...people usually don't care about you very much...there's no need to dwell on the feeling of being unaccepted...If my feelings were true and I'm not being accepted it is fine...we're humans we're all imperfect...they have every right to feel uncomfortable and not to want me around...as I have every right to be me...

But I also realized that even though I may not have the personal connection, I am supported and accepted and connected as a part of the community...It may not be emotionally fulfilling enough but still it is a valuable and important connection...Like I can use the streets and railroads and buildings that I haven't built myself because I live in this society...I realized that there are many things that are provided for me because I am a member of a community...

So my conclusion is - I feel like I've digressed alot from the original issue- although people may or may not like me...it's not something that I can't live with...I may be more challenged but I already have all the basic resources to survive....

But I do agree with you...it's hard to tell what people are really thinking of me...

I sometimes feel this way, but i dont let it bother me, ive come to realize that thinking like this usually only cramps my style. If I'm talking to a group of friends or with another person, I've noticed that thinking like this either makes me try to appeal to THEM more, making me look needy and not myself just so that i could feel more accepted. This is if i like the person(s), if not, i just end up trying to figure out what their problem is and start to judge them accordingly(on sometimes a hunch and body language) and end up making the situation awkward or standoffish, totally bad. Just be yourself, you'll e find out if the person likes you by actions and not just words. And whats it matter if they pretend to like you, theyre the joke not you.

I totally relate. Further, I find that I am inclined to misread in a negative direction and think that I have botched the relationship.

The someone will surely leave my life, I am fired now, whatever. Then I am wrong and feel silly.

I've had the same problem. Things I've come to realize - if people at work or school bother to say "hi how are you" they at least somewhat care about you enough to want to be friendly so you should say something back. Watch peoples eyes (if you can stand to) when you walk up to a group and see if they welcome you in or if you are intruding into their discussion. If they don't continue with the current discussion that might mean you interrupted or they didn't want to include you. Sometimes you can flat out ask like say "hey mind if I join you guys" if you want to sit with a group. If people are standing around talking if one of them you know well you can say "hey charlie how ya doing?" as you slowly start to walk past them. If "Charlie" doesn't say something like "hey how ya doin? or watcha been up to" or something that pulls you back & into the conversation group then you know you shouldn't butt in & should keep going after you exchange a quick friendly greeting. Sometimes they will say "hey where ya going, come back over here and talk with us" and you know its ok. I've been accused of butting in on discussions or being too nosey so I try to learn the right dyanamics. It's such an art form this NT friendliness thing.

If someone yacks your ear off and tells you secret, personal stuff then they probably like you is something else I have learned.

I always wonder the same thing. With the exception of a very small number, I never know if people talk to me to be polite or if they are genuinely enjoying my company.

I assumed it was an Aspie trait or at least related. Here was the situation that made me re-asses this notion.

Coworker and I are talking, I cannot read her at all, cannot figure her out. One minute she says "thats hilarious, you are funny" but the next she ignores me when I walk by. Cute girl, big brown eyes, soft spoken, very nice. She smiles and laughs one minute, the gives me a funny look the next and acts like I shouldnt be talking to her.

I rented a movie, and wanted to watch it with family, but my brother in law says he can't watch it with me because he wants to make out with my sister while the movie is on. Clearly a lie. So I ask my sister whats up, and she says he can't stand watching movies with me if I have seen the movie before because i get all excited right before the good parts. HE is the one that asked me to rent the movie so everyone could watch!

I had a friend who I worked with for months, and we got kind of close, talked more about personal stuff than work stuff, and the day she left the company, she stopped talking to me (email, phone, etc). She was even the one who said "we will stay in touch after I leave", I never said it, but then she just cuts me off. So lately I feel like this will happen with all coworkers, family, friends, etc.

My boss is the worst. I cannot figure him out AT ALL. One minute he seems like I annoy the living daylights out of him, but he shows me respect. I am most confused with him. I have mentioned this to others in the office, and they have said the same thing, they can't read him, so its even more confusing for me.

I have been trying to keep my circle of friends as small as possible to help prevent this confusion, because it can overwhelm me and I cant think of anything else when trying to decipher other peoples intentions.... I guess I am just trying to say I am getting more and more frustrated with this.

Precisely....I cannot magically "know" if someone likes me. A few months ago I was hurt deeply by someone I knew for many years who I thought was like a big sister to me. She was (or so I thought) a friend. I really don't have any other. I now know she doesn't like me and maybe she never did. She is the kind with abundant self-confidence, chatty, charming, outgoing, always knows what to say, and popular - my opposite. I was shattered when I found she did not even like me when I did so much for her.......tears, tears, tears. Why?

So, now that I've been burnt (this incident was especially bad), I'm gun shy. I have no self-confidence anyway. I do not understand sometimes when a man might even like me. I am lost. Is there a manual I can memorize to know this? I already know the answer to this question: NO. Besides, NT's would not follow the manual even if there was one.


Am I just supposed to "know" a priori? I am not a mind reader..........

I feel the exact same way.

I know what mean. in my case, i have a friend and I assumed that she liked me in a romantic kind of way but it turns out that she wanted to be friends. Anyway, i've told her about the fact that i'm different and the fact that I'm on anti-depressents but sometimes she acts as though I did something wrong. she will sometimes ignore me even though we are supposed to work together as a team (during practicals etc...)I understand the fact that sometimes I might seem a bit disinterested/bored/confused/angry/sad but my point is if someone knows about your condition shouldn't they at least try to act in a way that shows that they understand/care?

No one likes anyone, some we are stuck with, for a while, that lifeboat movie. Family has less choices, coworkers just want to keep up a front, most people do not even like themselves.

I have a few good lines I use to keep people from joining in plots to kill me. They think I like them, but the lines are old. If they try to get closer I can repeat the same lines, or stare blankly. From your report I am not the only one.

As an employer I would follow the great Dr. Frankenstine, I would chop up six and make one good worker. Employers do hate you, who could blame them. They cannot just hate in general, but to each in a special way, we call it management ability. Give them a 70% total failure rating, point out they are only performing at an acceptable 30%, and they leave overwhelmed with the praise?

It is not you people dislike, all they want is to flee from everyone, and a great many flee from themselves in the bottle, drugs, religion, always seeking a stronger cult.

Why do I get the idea you fix computers?

My perfect woman is Dorothy in Big O, she has a CD tray in her forehead, which she also uses for a light. Yes, she is a machine, but I am not raceist, I am sure she is aspie. I am strongly drawn to her.

Back to your problems, I do not care.