Has anyone had problems with voice mimicking
I don't really know how to explain this but I will try: I have known my husband (an aspie) for 10 years and when I first met him he talked in a normal low toned male voice. Over the years I have slowly realized that his voice has been becoming more and more like mine. I can't stand it. I talk in a soft toned feminine voice and I sometimes talk in a somewhat baby voice and I noticed that he has taken on my way of speaking. He completely stole my voice and it is seriously driving me insane. I feel like he has taken my identity and it is hard for me to find him attractive because he doesn't talk like a man anymore. Everything he says is soft breathy or high pitched. He talks like a baby all the time and I don't know what to do. I don't want him mimicking me anymore. I have told him about it many times and he completely denies it and acts really offended. I miss his old voice that was low and manly. Has anyone experienced this???? My husband is 29!
MusicIsLife2Me
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I am a diagnosed aspie and I'll try my best to explain this.
"Normal" as in neutotypical normal?
Most aspies when we first meet someone are sort of on gaurd. Meaning we tend to try to watch our tones of voice as a way to try to fit in. Despite popular belief we DO want love and we DO want acceptance. We are outcasted, shamed and generally suffer MORE in some ways than our neurotypical counterparts because we have all these social rules to follow PLUS the stuff that NTs go through in daily life. There's a good reason this site is called Wrong Planet...
He may actually feel completely comfortable with you now so he mimicks. It can take an exceptionally long time for us because we are trying to basically "learn" the NT. I mimick a couple of friends of mine. I do this not always realizing, when I do realize it I still can't always manage not to. That would feel like I have to conform and watch myself with that person all over again. Aspies can be absolutely amazing mimicks. He's most likely NOT trying to "steal your personality". Stop that. It makes it sound like you have self esteem issues.
Have you ever asked HIM why???
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Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.
I was under the impression that it was common for everyone to take on speaking habits of people they spend a lot of time around, whether aspie or not. I have taken on saying certain things similarly to my girlfriend, and she says she's picked things up from me too. I sometimes do baby-talk with her, as she would with me, but it doesn't seem to bother her. I have been concerned before thinking that it might bother her, especially if I do it when she's in the wrong mood, but it doesn't seem to have been a problem. Do you think that maybe this is not the underlying issue, and perhaps there are other things that are annoying you about him, and this is just one you can identify? I usually find that when something random like this begins to annoy the heck out of me about someone, then it means there are other reasons that they annoy me too.
Is there anyone else he spends much time with? I find that I pick up speaking styles of people in my social circle, and if I start talking as I would to my girlfriend by accident in front of the wrong person, I'll become more aware that I do it, and be more able to prevent myself from doing it.
For an aspie to learn social skills is like trying to teach a person who is blind from birth, what light and color is. If you ask such a person what light and color is, they will defiantly give you a definition of the those words, but as a person who can see, you'll know that the definition they give you is wrong. It's not that they didn't want to learn what these words mean. It's that they can't see and there for, can't comprehend what the true meanings are.
I have Aspergers too, so I do understand the strange quirks and difficult situations that we all deal with.
I do not have such low self esteem that I feel like he is purposely stealing my identity. That is silly. I believe that men should talk like men and women like women. We actually both strongly believe in gender roles which is why this is weird. I wouldn't have an issue if his voice was naturally strange or softer but I know that it isn't like that. He sometimes lets his old voice slip through like it is his real voice but he has taken on my voice over the years.
It's not an occasional baby voice when he says sweet things to me or something, it is a constant baby talking and a constant feminine voice. I honestly feel like it is not right and I was wondering if anyone who has experience with this has any advice on how to overcome it.
I think it got so bad because for years we both didn't work and barely went to school so we spent soooooooooooooo much time together and we had no other friends at all. He has since started to go to school full time and now he goes to work too and I know that he has some work friends but it doesn't change his voice. Right when he gets home and sees me it is straight to that voice again. He only does it in front of me. I have asked him why and he says that he doesn't do it or if it was really obvious he says that he had something stuck in his throat that made him sound like that.
I do not have such low self esteem that I feel like he is purposely stealing my identity. That is silly. I believe that men should talk like men and women like women. We actually both strongly believe in gender roles which is why this is weird. I wouldn't have an issue if his voice was naturally strange or softer but I know that it isn't like that. He sometimes lets his old voice slip through like it is his real voice but he has taken on my voice over the years.
It's not an occasional baby voice when he says sweet things to me or something, it is a constant baby talking and a constant feminine voice. I honestly feel like it is not right and I was wondering if anyone who has experience with this has any advice on how to overcome it.
I think it got so bad because for years we both didn't work and barely went to school so we spent soooooooooooooo much time together and we had no other friends at all. He has since started to go to school full time and now he goes to work too and I know that he has some work friends but it doesn't change his voice. Right when he gets home and sees me it is straight to that voice again. He only does it in front of me. I have asked him why and he says that he doesn't do it or if it was really obvious he says that he had something stuck in his throat that made him sound like that.
here's my take on it. Maybe he's just letting his social guard down(taking his mask off.) when he's around you. As an aspie yourself. You should know the struggles you have with social interaction when out in public and how mentally exhausting it can be to maintain the persona. As to why this would change his voice. I don't know.
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