Appropriate response to low-level mocking

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I haven't been subject to much actual physical bullying in my life but I have been subject to a lot of what you might call low level bullying- being laughed at and ridiculed. This tails off quite a lot when you're no longer a young person but it still happens. It happened on Saturday when I felt that two teenage girls were laughing at me on the train.

Now undoubtedly there have been times when I've just been paranoid and I've misinterpreted the situation. It's happened enough times, though, where there can be no mistaking what's happened to keep me thinking about it.

My question is: what is the correct response here? How can I come out of it feeling that I've done the right thing, (because I never do)?

These things are done subtly, so that the perpetrators can always deny they have done anything. Violence is clearly inappropriate. Asking if they have a problem with me will just provoke a denial and further laughter. I can try and ignore it but I will automatically blush and my body language will become very self conscious. They will know that they have won.

I feel that I have to be doubly careful around girls as they could easily say that I was doing something inappropriate (which I'm not of course I'm minding my own business). I had an incident on a train a couple of months ago where I looked up from reading to see girls on the platform laughing and taking my photo.

I have tried to reason with myself saying they are just immature and/or stupid but this reasoning carries absolutely no emotional weight, I feel terrible after these events have happened and I remember them forever.

I usually outsmart people in this situation, just tell them how they're so inferior that their brains are trying to convince themselves that they're someone great and that they need to show off their obnoxiousness to feel better about themselves. It always make people mad and out of speech when I do this.

hello

this is a problem I have as well. people say to me "defend yourself". but what is acceptable. im not sure sometimes. when I was at work and someone would do something that would upset me, I would falter. not knowing what would be acceptable. if I shout "f**k off" some one could hear and not be aware of the present situation, I would be seen as insulting some one for no reason. the person who started it could then use that. I know that this looks like I am thinking much into it.
its like telling young people to f**k off. some may say it is not acceptable or that I am overreacting. I think that any one who is rude to you should be put in their place. regardless of age. back behavior is not acceptable.
though the thing that puts me off is the possibility of violence. I did try to defend myself once in school and the kid started on me. I didn't know how to fight and had been in trouble for trying to get help from the teachers. it is my fault however. I have to learn some how. I am thinking about approaching some one who has been unpleasant to me. I am thinking about being aggressive to him. I think it may well become violent but that is some thing that I will have to chance. it is scary as I don't want the police involved. lack of knowledge about what I can do is scary. also the thought of being ganged up on. people stick together. I will have to try.

I don't know. If I choose not to give a damn; mentally block out other people on the train, that helps in the short term but it means I'll never learn what to do. I actually think that's the cause of my social social skills not being as good as they could be since that's all I ever did as a kid.

The people mocking you on the train are immature twits, but I'm wondering what it is that is drawing the attention of others towards you on the train? Could you try dressing in a way that blends in with the other people on the train. Possibly change your hair style to fit others your age are wearing. Also, don't stare into other people's eyes because that will draw their attention. You might have to sacrifice some of your individuality for the sake of enjoying an incident free ride on the train.

Your school is responsible for protecting you from violence in the school yard so irrespective of you provoking responses from fellow students with violent dispositions, they have a responsibility of looking after you in the absence of a sibling or friend watching over your shoulder. Never resort to violence yourself. Keep reporting incidents to your teachers and even request to have those incidents documented at the school. Don't worry about other students picking on you for running to the teachers. That's their job.

When I was younger, I tried to ignore it. Didn't really satisfy. Then I figured out sarcasism. Its always fun to watch someone trying to figure out if you just insulted them or not.

Pity them for being forced into a type of insanity by the hive mind.

I say get up and go to a different part of the train. If they follow you, it is grounds for telling them off.

I think it's good to show no trace of emotion. They like to get a rise out of people. Also, depending on the details of the situation, either ignore them, say something witty or offensive to them, stitch them up without violence, or treat them to a small helping of common assault. But choose any punishments wisely, bearing in mind the risk of a damaging counter-attack from them or from anybody else who might want to involve themselves in the situation.

Usually I do something that catches others attention, like earlier this week I was in a fluster trying to get to an appointment on time, and didn't notice that I was wearing two different (one cream, one navy) shoes until some men walking behind me in town started to laugh quite loudly and make jokes about it.

I laugh at myself in these situations, but if it isn't obvious to me why people are laughing, I assume its for reasons like Olympadis referred to and I quietly laugh back at them for being such easily entertained little sheeple!

How about smiling at one of them and saying something like "Hey!, I remember you from the abortion clinic, how are you feeling?"

Wow. I was surprised to see that this thread had come back to life. thanks everyone for replying.

The trouble is that I immediately stand out in a crowd. I'm about 6ft 3 and big built. I have red hair (well, it's receding and greying a bit now) and I have a big head (I'm probably macrocephalic). I wear glasses and I have a slight ptosis in one eye. People will look at me as a curiosity and then I think my Aspie (lack of) facial expression and body language makes me a figure of fun.

Since my teens I have taken great care over my grooming: my hair is regularly professionally cut and kept short and I am always clean and shaved. I dress as well as I can given the limits of what I can buy in my size, what I can afford and what I can tolerate from a sensory point of view. I am dressed in pretty much the same way as the other commuters but it doesn't afford me the camouflage I want.



In situations like the one I described I feel that I have to be very careful with dealing with teenage girls - I am a middle aged man and they know that the power is with them. They can say that any response I make to them is inappropriate. I saw two girls using exactly this technique on a ticket inspector earlier in this week to avoid paying their fare.

I've also found in the past that making a witty comeback is worthless if you are responding to a group - again they have the power. I could respond with a cracking one liner that would make Oscar Wilde sit up and applaud but the group decides what's funny and what's not and I'm the victim in this situation and can't by definition be funny. You also have to respond on their level so it's no use coming out with some eloquent witticism when they only understand "**** off you ****ing ****er.""

As I said in my previous message I will I could just let this roll off me (and at my age I should be able to) but I can't.

As an alternative dresser (always downdressed for age as well as for androgynous appearence), I've always had to carry the "don't you wish you had the balls to look like me" attitude. If I see somebody has their phone out as if they're trying to sneak a pic of me, I'll actually turn toward them and make a "posing" position. Once they realise I'm on to them and have tons of confidence in myself, they usually stuff the camera/phone away fast. Rarely does one confront me verbally these days, but there have been a few times I've had to remind folks that "it's the 21st century, better embrace it!" Usually it's only giggling girls anymore along with the occasional disgusted scowl from conservative (usually rural or redneck looking) parents who likely wish their families were still living in 1950's Mayberry, B.F.D.

Conformity in fashion and style started dying around 1964, as far as I can tell. Those who want to keep it alive either have serious mental issues, or have been brainwashed, or possibly both. The era of diversity has indeed dawned, and some will have to catch up with the times or end up the laughing stock themselves for their own ignorance.

I think you have given the correct response and done the right thing. I would think running into these situations would cause Complex PTSD because it is a recurring situation lacking a viable escape route. A good psychologist might help you deal with this unavoidable situation. There is a description of Complex PTSD on Wikipedia.

I agree with this. If something's making it hard to learn how to deal with nasty people - distaste for conflict, a sense that you have to respond in a particular way, family or work stress - that should go.

I'm still unlearning the vulnerable mindset that I was raised with, so I'm not an expert on what will help. There were a couple of questions in a blog post about "the self-defense mindset" that got me thinking about it a few years ago:

"is your life worth defending? Next... if the first answer be yes, comes another question; Are you willing to take on the responsibility of your own self defense?"

You'd think that the answer would be an obvious "YES!" to both of those, but in a lot of subcultures it's actually seen as wrong to defend yourself. You're supposed to ask the group around you, but they may not care for you. In that case your options are being screwed for life, moving someplace safer, or learnig to stick up to them (which usually means getting a lawyer).