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Hairybunny
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27 Jan 2015, 3:56 pm

Hello everyone! :) (I'm new here so my apologies if I'm posting in the wrong forum.)

I'd like some advice on how to deal with an issue I've had for a very long time. I have a bad phobia of answering the door (and phone for that matter). The reason I decided to write about it now is because my mom has been ordering a lot of stuff off the internet, and the delivery people come to the door almost every day while she is at work. Every time they wring the door bell I panic and can never bring myself to answer it! :(. It's very frustrating for me. And what's worse is when my mom gets home and finds the notice on the door she gets mad. I remember one time she got so mad that she pushed me aside and called me useless... I think of that every time I hear someone at the door.

Thank you in advance for your help!



aradesh
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27 Jan 2015, 4:52 pm

I hate it too. I get a pang of anxiety every time the phone rings, someone knocks at the door, or when the postman puts letters through the letterbox.

When I lived with my mum at home I would ignore the telephone or hide when people knocked at the door hehe. I got over it mostly when I moved out and I literally had no choice but to answer the door if I wanted my own parcels, etc. Fortunately my mum was nice and wouldn't say nasty things if I didn't answer the door. I remember one time she had an important delivery and she had to convince me to promise to answer it, and I did do that one time.

The thing I hate the most is when I get sales-men (it's always men... never had a saleswoman knock at my door) or charity people (still normally men, but not always) knocking at the door, they're the hardest to get rid of and try to not let you get away from them. I find that the best way to get them to go away and it be a pleasant experience is to say "nah sorry. I'm not interested." and if they continue, repeat it. If I say anything rude, I feel terrible afterwards, and they might say something rude back. If I make up excuses they have scripts to answer to every excuse.

Sorry I guess I didn't really give you any useful advice here :(



Kiriae
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27 Jan 2015, 5:40 pm

What exactly scares you out? The people, their opinion, the thieves, the unknown, the door, the sound of bell? Can you specify the reason of why you are scared?

I don't have much problem answering the door although I don't feel good when people just stand by the door and knock. I'm fine as long as they stay by the garden gate and use ring so I can see them through my window and decide if I want to see them or not.
If they wait by the door they will hear me going downstairs (so I can't pretend I am not home) and the only way I can see who is it before opening the door is standing on my toes and looking through the door window which is too high to see them if they are not tall enough. Fortunately it happens only when the ring is broken (like right now...). Oh, and my dad likes doing it too, for fun. He will come to door and knock then open the door himself and laugh at me when while I am going downstairs, anxious about who is "breaking in"...

Maybe that's the deal? Do you have a way to see who is there before opening the door?
Its scary to open the door without knowing who is on the other side.

I don't like seeing any strangers either but I am fine with the small conversations of "Sign here.", "Thank you.", "Thank you.", "Have a good day.". Sometimes I am a bit worried about what they might think of me when they see me in my bathrobe(which I wear because it is comfortable) and with hairstyle like I am just out of bed(sometimes I don't remember to brush my hair). But I just pretend I am ill when they catch me off guard like that. Thats a reasonable excuse of looking like that even in the afternoon. And I can hide behind the door then, leaving only small gap which prevents me from seeing their face and shields me from the cold air.
All I need to do to pretend I am ill is making a single, "repressed" cough. Thats enough to make them think you are sick(especially since you are home in the early afternoon of a workday) and get the job done as fast as possible, avoiding contact. :D



Hairybunny
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27 Jan 2015, 5:48 pm

In reply to Kiriae, good question, I actually have no Idea what the cause of my fear is... It might have to do with the fact that I'm usually in my pajamas when I know I'm not going anywhere and don't want anyone to see me? The whole acting ill thing is genius by the way! :) I think I might try that and see if my anxiety gets better.
Thank you very much for your help!



nerdygirl
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28 Jan 2015, 10:47 am

I had a lot of problems with this when I was younger. I have gotten used to it, but I still don't *like* it. I live in a place where packages can just be left on my doorstep, though. Most of the time, the delivery men don't even knock.

I think my biggest issue is the unknown of "how it's going to go." Once I learned the general script of what to say/how to answer when the delivery man comes to the door, I was OK.



b9
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28 Jan 2015, 11:35 am

i would freak out before answering the door. the fact that i thought it asked me a question would trouble me



eggheadjr
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28 Jan 2015, 1:06 pm

With respect to both answering the door and answering the phone.

I do it, but in both cases still don't like it.

It's weird - it's like a major displeasing intrusion. Yet, I do like being around my friends. I just don't like the whole answering the door / phone event.


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glider18
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28 Jan 2015, 2:09 pm

I don't mind family members knocking at the door or ringing the phone. So I need to respond to this with that in mind.

I often consider people coming to my door or ringing my phone as an invasion to my personal space. When I enter my door, I have entered my private sector. I view my home as the place where I block out the rest of the world. I believe I have the right to my own private domain, and my home is it.

But, there are times when people call. However, with my lack of friends, that is rare. If I do not recognize a person who comes to my door, I will often not answer. Even with the lawn care man who has mowed my yard for the past few years ... when he comes to the door to receive payment, I will often have the check wedged in the door so he can get it without me having to answer the door.

I am a very private person. It's just the way I am.


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Nambo
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28 Jan 2015, 3:12 pm

I want one of those "Welcome" mats by my front door, but one that instead of saying "Welcome" says, "Go Away"



Wildcatb
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Nambo
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28 Jan 2015, 3:36 pm

Wildcatb wrote:


Wow!, So I went on Amazon to see if they do them here in rip-off Britain, and yes they do!
Only $121 as oppossed to your $20

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Doormat.....go+away

I dont know how you can stand to live in America with everything being so cheap, all that sunshine and open spaces!