Should I tell my supervisor in the lab about my AS?

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Last year I was accepted to a summer research program at my university and I spent part of the summer in a neuroscience lab working on a project with some of the people in the lab. It was a really good experience but it was also a difficult time for me. I didn't tell anyone about my AS and anxiety/depression because I didn't want anyone to judge me based on that before even meeting me and seeing what I'm like in the lab. The thing is I'm a very insecure person and I'm terrified of making mistakes. I therefore asked questions when I wasn't sure about things. I didn't ask the same person all the time but spread it out a bit between people. However, I got the impression that my supervisor (or whatever it's called) and at least one other person thought I asked a bit too much, which I think annoyed them a little.

I also had a very difficult time structuring my "free time" in the lab when I just waited for certain parts of the experiments to finish, and I suspect that's something I think is difficult because of my AS. I'm a person who needs routines, plans and structure in order to function properly but I find it difficult to organise things on my own sometimes. The fact that both working in the lab and studying at university in general is relatively unstructured (in comparison to, for example, high school) has been quite problematic for me.

Those things, plus social issues, made me feel very anxious and quite depressed during my time in the lab. I panicked a few times as well (because of the fear of making mistakes). Don't get me wrong, I wanted to be there and I learned a lot but I think the whole experience would've been much better if I hadn't been so anxious and insecure.

I'm supposed to work in the lab this summer as well and I'm dreading it a little bit. I'm dreading it because of the issues I had last summer and I know it'll be the same this year. Summer's not here for a while but I keep thinking about it so now I'm wondering if I should tell my supervisor in the lab about my AS. On the one hand I think it would be good if she knew about it but on the other hand I don't want her (or anyone) to judge me and think I'm incapable of doing things just because I'm autistic and anxious. Not sure telling her about my AS would change anything but perhaps it could at least explain certain problems I know she's noticed.

What should I do? What would you do?

Hi,

I think you need to explain to your supervisor about your AS so that it can help you to relax at knowing at least one person knows about your AS. You and your supervisor can work on trying to find things you can do while waiting for various experiments to finish.

A couple of things you can do is to arrange a meeting with your supervisor before you start so you can go over everything and work out a plan beforehand. The second option is to write letter explaining your issues with ideas or suggestions for how you will manage your AS.

The reason I say this is that you are working in a lab with lots of expensive equipment, hazardous chemicals, other things that might cause problems for them if something were to go wrong. Not saying that it will.

It is best to tell your supervisor and it shouldn't impact on you not being able to do the job.

Hope things go well for you and looking forward to how things go.

Regards

Data001

I'm required to work in lab to complete my thesis and research requirements. I definitely plan on telling my PI about it (though mine is studying autism so my situation's not the same) if I end up feeling like it's causing me to be anxious and not do my best. I agree with Data001's suggestions - if you prefer not to tell them in person, writing a letter is always an option.

This has always been the biggest issue for me when it comes to employment. I often read or get told online that not telling the employer or supervisors about having AS is best. But as I've grown older I've learnt that by not telling anybody about my diagnosis I feel like I'm starting a new place knowing I've got something to hide what they ought to know about, rather than just sweep it under the rug and hope that everybody will tolerate my quirks and understand my anxieties.

Ok I can pass of as fairly normal. I don't stim and I am not 100% honest in everything I say, and I can read body language and get jokes and so on and so forth. Sometimes I even wonder myself if I was misdiagnosed and may have something else, with just a few AS traits like a co-morbid, but whatever I have I still can't hide it 100%. Sometimes I do say or do things without thinking first, and then people start getting annoyed with me then acting nasty towards me. When they know I have something, even if I just tell them I have a panic disorder or ADD or something, that still often covers me up and I can still be treated as another normal person in the workplace but still be understood if I get into a stress or get confused about something simple.

I know that sounds stupid but I have lived and learnt that this works for people on the mild end of the spectrum like me.

I would recommend telling your supervisor. As a college instructor, they are obligated to help and not discriminate against students with disabilities. I tell all my instructors about my AS because I need testing accommodations, plus, it makes me feel better knowing that they know, so I know they're not wondering why I'm so weird or antisocial during group discussions or forever rocking and playing with my stim toys. Talking to your supervisor about your anxiety is probably a good idea too: it'll enable him to help you settle in more effectively.

I think the main reason to not tell bosses or supervisors about your Aspergers dx is that most people have no idea what that means. I would be afraid that it would sound like you are asking for special attention, and you would have to go into specifics about what you expect from him/them.

I agree with an above poster that telling people can be a problem. One thing I think you should consider would be to tell a student support service and talk with them. We have assistance services here in most major educational institutions who can hear this with an open mind and advise you and still keep in confidential. One thing you all might try is to tell people you have anxiety. This is both true and much more socially acceptable as it is better understood. Most people understand what it is to feel anxious even if they don't understand how a disorder affects you. That will explain a lot to people. We have autism in my family, most of us, and my son is still more affected by his anxiety than anything else. apparently our genes dictate you either have anxiety or you have autism!

Thanks for the replies, everyone.

I posted this thread on another forum (not at WP) as well to get as many replies as possible and most people seem to be really against telling others about their diagnosis. They seem to think they'll be "blacklisted" from jobs etc.

Someone here suggested I try telling the supervisor that I have anxiety instead. I sort of did last summer. She noticed and commented on how anxious I seemed in the lab and I told her I'm afraid of making mistakes and that it makes me anxious. The only thing that happened was that she told me to "stop worrying about it". Also, the student support service here knows about my AS and thanks to that I get some support (taking exams in a quiet room etc) but I'm not sure how them knowing about my AS would help me in the lab ... ? Oh and why (I'm not actually expecting people to be able to answer this) is it more acceptable to tell someone about your anxiety than it is telling someone about your AS? It makes me a bit upset that I have to hide part of who I am just so people won't use that information to make life miserable for me (which I really don't think all NTs would do).

I think that your supervisor should know about your AS because if they know about it, then they can make some accommodations and you can get some more understanding from them.

What other forum did you ask this question?

Not sure what accommodations that would be to be honest but yeah, hopefully I could get some understanding.

I asked the question on the Asperger forum at reddit as well.

The problems that you described seem to be caused by anxiety instead of AS, so it seems more useful to tell about anxiety and try to reduce anxiety than to tell about AS. Generally, people understand anxiety much better than AS, so telling about anxiety is much more useful to get understanding from others.

About not knowing what to do in lab while waiting for something to finish, most undergrads don't know what to do. Many people stare into space, play games, or browse internetz while waiting. The only reason some people like grad students and postdocs seem to know what to do is because they run their own projects, so there is always something to code or write or read while waiting.

Yeah, maybe you're right. I tried telling the supervisor about my anxiety last summer. Well, I didn't really tell her how serious it actually is but I told her I easily get anxious and fear making mistakes. Do you think I should tell her I have actual problems with anxiety (though I'm actually not sure I'm diagnosed with it since I got the AS diagnosis)? Perhaps that's better than telling her I have Asperger's syndrome (still think it's pretty awful that we have to hide that though). I guess AS is more relevant when it comes to for example social gatherings with the group I'm in. We went to a restaurant one evening (the whole group, so I felt like I had to be there as well) and yeah, I didn't do that well.

I don't want to be yet another confused undergraduate. I didn't (and won't) sit and just play games or browse the internet. Last summer I tried reading a bunch of articles about things relevant to the project but that was complicated (I had only studied two semesters by then) and I found it very difficult to focus properly (mostly because I felt so uncomfortable and out of place in the new environment). This summer I'll probably have a bit more to do since I need to start writing the report about the project but I'm still worried.

I seem to remember you working in a lab as well. Is that correct? I don't know if you've ever been anxious about it but if you have, does it get better? I hope it gets better the more experience I accumulate.

People in the general population don't know what AS is. So if you tell your supervisor that you have AS then you will probably have to explain to him/her what AS is and means, and also what kind of slack that you want them to cut for you. Plus, people in general don't go around telling one another what their problems are. There is a beautiful cartoon by Gary Larson that speaks directly to this point:

So just because people don't want to hear about my problems I should never talk about them? How else am I supposed to get the help I need? I mean, I would never use AS or any other diagnosis as an excuse (believe me, I work extremely hard to be where I am today) but sometimes you sort of need to mention it, right? Not necessarily in this situation but in general.

I'm still pretty new to this whole diagnosis and disclosure thing and I haven't figured it out yet.

Well... I guess I don't know. How would you "mention it?" When? To whom? What do you think they would say?

Hi,

I read the replies and I agree most of the public have zero or very little understanding of ASD. However, it's up to us Aspies to educate and raise awareness so they can help others.

With regards to your situation I suggest that explain about your AS to your supervisor is a good idea as just saying your anxious doesn't really mean much and as he did just told you to not to worry, which makes you worry more about making a mistake or screwing up big.

The best way forward is see about arranging a meeting with your supervisor and explain about AS and how it affects you and find ways to help you. If you want take a trusted friend or get someone from the support service to be with in the meeting.

If you are not sure about a meeting right way then write a letter address to your supervisor on how AS affects you and then add that you wish to arrange a meeting to discuss things in more detail.

Once you know your supervisor is fine then you will feel a lot better about not having to hide yourself too much and you can relax and focus on what you need to do in the lab this summer.

A lot of people that I have met since my diagnosis are far more interested in knowing and yes you may get the odd person who doesn't want to know and that is their issue for being ignorant. Also, your supervisor is a scientist and is more open-minded then some others.

As they say, "Feel the fear and do it anyway".

Hope you find a way forward and good luck.

Regards

Data001