The stigma - how do you deal with it?

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I need to look for something positive to read about ASD, or get to know a good person who has it. All I keep coming across is people talking about how we are useless and deserve to die, "autistic" being thrown around the internet as an insult, even entire forums dedicated to discussing how unlovable and awful we are and how terrible it is that we impose our presence on others (i.e. don't lock ourselves up somewhere and refrain from mixing with society at all.) If it were just spiteful people with these views, I could block it out with that knowledge, but even otherwise good people appear to have them.

Examples; a kindly old teacher I had who was not cruel but very clearly stereotyped me on discovering I was diagnosed with ASD. Members on spiritual forums (with a generally non-judgement, open attitude) discussing us as inferior. The pervasive view of people with ASD as completely lacking in empathy, narcissistic, unlovable, unfeeling machines. A long-distance friend I considered close - but we spoke for all those hours through text, not face-to-face - told me there was no way I was autistic and to accept the diagnosis would be making excuses and preventing me from improving. Now I have honestly no friends, am extremely socially anxious and can't deal well in life at all. But there seems to be no actual help offered for ASD. This feels so hopeless.

How do the rest of you deal with this? I don't know what to do anymore.

My therapist (and if you don't have one, get one and see them regularly), asserts that Autism is an evolutionary step. She also ardently believes that if Autism were ever cured it would destroy nearly 75% of the creativity in the world.

Surround yourself with people who can understand you, like the community here.

Ignore the other stuff you hear others talk about.

I understand your frustration, and Im sorry that you experience it.

Try to stay positive, and filter out the rest of the BS.

By raging at ignorant youtube posters....ok not really, turns out the satisfaction from that doesn't really over-rule the unpleasant feelings reading too much of that causes, and probably doesn't really do any good, but on occasion I gotta let a little anger out and where better to take it out than the garbage can that is youtube comments/commenters?

One option: join a meet-up social anxiety group. A proportion of the members there will be on the spectrum too, those who aren't will generally be sympathetic introverts who will be able to relate to your response of self-isolation because of ignorant reactions in the so-called "normal" world.

I love interacting with the other members of my group. They are sensitive, thoughtful and respectful people who have found in the group that there really are other people "like them" who are not superficial, judgmental and stereotyping of neurodifference. There is a lot of respect, care and affection in the group and no-one feels left out or forced to play superficial social games. No-one is interested in that, they say what they mean, mean what they say, and sincerity is the hallmark of the communication in the group.

I was diagnosed fairly late in life (age 35) and had already achieved quite a bit professionally. No one I work with or do business with knows that I'm Asperger's / HFA, and I'd rather leave it that way. I've spent most of my life learning how to work with the wiring I have and to navigate the world of the "normals." It's taken (and continues to take) a lot of hard work. I don't feel as if I need any special treatment, and I believe I've proven myself to be a worthy human being in spite of my deficits.

I come from a large LOUD family of mostly NTs. They knew that there was Something Wrong with me from the very beginning. They didn't know what, but they dealt with my issues piece by piece the best they could. I did get PT for my gross motor deficits (along with ballet lessons, which were a disaster) and my parents tried the best they could to get me counseling and whatever help was available (not much) on a very limited budget. I remember my mother constantly telling me, "Don't stare, it's rude!" She would pick up on others' distress when frankly I couldn't see it. It didn't help that I am hyperlexic. They saw my early and unbidden ability to read as some sort of parlor trick rather than a different way of decoding, understanding and interpreting language.

The most difficult part of the way I'm wired has to be the emotional disconnects. Yes, I feel things, but not in real time. I deal with fear and anxiety almost constantly. I have a very hard time both interpreting body language and sending the right non verbal signals. Since I am hyperlexic, the written word is the best medium for me to communicate.

I think everyone on the spectrum has an individual challenge to learn to navigate in the world and to get comfortable in one's own skin. I've done pretty well with #1 but still working on #2.

I just don't talk about it or volunteer information to people that don't need to know, I don't see the upside in it given the ignorance and lack of intelligence of most people. There is a lot said about this supposed lack of empathy that those on the spectrum have but I find most people's "empathy" is self-serving on some level and the truly genuine are far more rare but perhaps that's overly cynical I dunno.

I find that telling people I'm on the spectrum usually turns out to be a REAL bad Idea. There is still an enormous stigma around Asperger's and everyone seems to base their opinions about it from movies and T.V shows. I've had people assume I can't read social cues (Which I can) or assume I have sensory issues (which I don't) which I find incredibly annoying. I've had people assume that I must be "fantastic" at math (I failed it) or have a "photographic memory" (I can't even remember my wifi password). I hate getting stereotyped so I just decided to keep my ASD on the low down.

I take sort of the opposite approach of many here. Instead of hiding it, I do what I can to advertise it. I wear the same sweater every day, the back of which reads "There's a 1 in 150 chance you know someone with Asperger Syndrome: Support us, Don't cure us" (obviously the statistic is a few years out of date.) I also lecture on ASDs at my old community college, and do every class presentation I can on it. My aim is to reduce the stigma and misinformation people have. I really want people to approach me and ask me about my AS, so I have the chance to teach them what it really means, that it's not the same as what they see on TV. I think the only way to end the kinds of problems the OP was discussing is to bring it out in the open and teach people, otherwise they'll never understand.

There should be no stigma attached to ASD's.

It's ridiculous that there is stigma.

I wouldn't belong to any group that stigmatised me or wouldn't accept me as an equal, unless the alternative was starving to death. I haven't noticed any in real life. Even my workplace didn't do that, they just weren't as helpful as I'd have wished. I don't often divulge my diagnosis, and when I do, it's more been ignored than used as an excuse for that kind of thing. I stick to heterogenous groups which are generally a lot more tolerant.

I don't pay much attention to what others think. I suppose I've only disclosed my diagnosis to a few people who already knew me well, plus a couple people who are very kind and understanding. I'm not sure how you can change ignorant people's mind. I usually don't bother educating people who aren't open minded. It's probably best to only tell people you trust.

I had a woman who worked at Aldi tell me that i was wasting my life and I should do something with it. I've studied numerous subjects and volunteer at a local library but apparently without an actual 'Job' I'm a useless individual.

I don't really care about the stigma anymore, I accept the fact that I don't judge worth by money and am more interested in enjoying life in my own ways. I do want to get a job but i always feel that theres one more qualification i need, I'm hoping to have a masters in librarianship in another 2 years and feel that it is a job i can manage. Despite not caring about the stigma I do hold myself to societal standards and feel a loss of value in my life. Yet, at the same time I don't really regret anything in particular because I'm happy with where my life is at and where my future hopefully will be.

The one thing you need most isn't other people's respect its your own, from there you can ignore all the world and stumble, fail and frett through life until you find something worth aiming for. Then, the more you pursue it the more people will see that you are not useless or a waste, but that you have an ambition and even though you're not there yet you're trying to get there. No matter who they are they have to have some respect for you then, and people are more likely to want to be around people they respect.

Basically stay true to your interests and focus on the future life you want rather than the problems you face now.

Aperta Verbum
http://apertaverbum.weebly.com/