I don't know if you have experienced this, but when I was growing up I was a special needs student, which meant that I spent a lot of time outside of mainstream classes. During that time, I knew a lot of kids on the spectrum, with varying degrees of difficulty. Some kids were very naive and immature for their age, despite being considered high functioning while other kids tried to mask their symptoms and try their utmost best to get out of special needs classes and into mainstream.
The kids from the latter example were often very impatient with the former kids. They got super angry if somebody made a faux pas or did something they thought was stupid, like stimming. I remember a boy in secondary school flipping out and saying that none of us were going to get jobs (to which my friend responded "By extension, that includes you". He shut up after that).
It's almost like a weird compensatory thing. These kids are so insecure about being a "weirdo" that they externalise their insecurity into being a judgemental douche towards the kids they think are somehow not trying hard enough to "look the part". It kind of reminds me of 'Malcolm in the Middle', because in the early episodes he tries his hardest not to be associated with the kids in his class for fear that he will get bullied.
I think this has a lot to do with having a late diagnosis. A lot of these kids were in mainstream classes and learned very fast that they had to adapt or die. They would then see kids who have been in special needs classes all their life and see somebody who's being sheltered, I suppose.
I don't think that mentality ever really goes away for some people. One of my best friends is a Malcolm and to this day he is constantly comparing himself to NT's and our aspie friends. I think he is sometimes ashamed of us and tries his darndest to fit in with a bunch of losers just because of some deep seated need for validation. He often brings his and our flaws and setbacks down to aspergers, trying to rationalize why some of us are failures for not doing the things he thinks people should be doing at a certain age, citing our friends (even though most of them have steady jobs and live life on their own terms). I love him, but sometimes I wish he would just admit that he's an insecure jerk who uses his relationships with NT's as a form of social currency to obfuscade his disability. In an attempt to not let ASD get the better of him, he allows himself to be defined by it in a weird paradoxical way.
I wonder if this is another manifestation of a deficit in theory of mind? It seems that he thinks that if he wants something, other aspies should want it as well. It seems like he can't comprehend that not everybody cares about fitting in and not everybody is trying to prove to the world that they are capable. Some people just want a simple life and they don't have lofty goals like he does (he also wants to make it in a very competitive industry). He doesn't seem to think that our friends who work shifts and spend their free time playing video games are actually quite content.
Can anyone relate to this? Has anyone ever had to deal with someone like this or are someone like this?
15 Feb 2015, 5:04 am
