I've been having issues with 'em lately... As far as I can remember, they started about 4 years ago. At that point I would get some kind of thought loop in my head that would result in me saying 'I need about 15 f***ing,' 'just 15 f***ing,' or variations thereof. For some reason it was always 15 and I always needed them, though I'm still not sure what 'they' are.
Around the time I spoke to my psychologist about AS I had started to develop a motor tic in my left hand, a sudden sideways rotation, and the muscles in my right eyelid would periodically 'flutter.' I think I've managed to deal with some of the tension behind this as my eye thankfully doesn't do that anymore, but I've developed some more severe tics in my face as a whole, and the phonic tics have become more pronounced.
These generally happen at work, where I'm cooped up in a small space, or when I'm out in public. Also as I walk out of the room from an important conversation I seem to bank them and release as I walk away.
There's a part of me that's wondering if it's all psychosomatic, but it doesn't feel as such to me. Certainly sometimes I'll tic in response to an intrusive thought, which is a semi-voluntary action to stop the severity of it, but it quite often just happens, particularly after social interaction.
I've yet to see a doctor or my psych because it doesn't feel particularly urgent, just annoying and mildly embarrassing. I've had shaky hands (which I recently learned is termed an 'benign essential tremor,') since I was a child and only recently realised that there ain't much I can do for it, but it isn't harmful in any way. The only downside is crappy handwriting and that my friends always know which controller I'm using when I play Mario Party
I'm seeing it as another aspect of my being that is becoming apparent as my brain repairs itself from years of alcohol and drug abuse... People do say that your true self comes out in recovery! Should I be concerned?
EDIT: What I mean to ask is, should I prioritise seeing my doctor? At this point I'm not too concerned and will get there in the next few weeks.
_________________
How did I get here tonight? What am I doing here?
How did I reach this state? How did I lose my sight?
I'm lost! I'm freaking! And everybody knows!
Everyone's watching!
So here... Are my hopes and aspirations
Nothing but puke
God, I'm so loooooonelaaaaaaayyyy
*power stance, air guitar*