Gender Confusion

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Hello all-

I poste this on the parent's forum as well. My 9 yr old Aspie boy has been telling me lately that he is a girl. He has never shown interest in girly things and we have never treated him as a girl. I am not sure what I should say or do (if anything) about this. Just curious to know if any of you went through this as a child?

When I was a child I dressed and looked like a boy. People would call me a boy sometimes, but it does not seem that this is what is happening with your son. Is it possible other kids are teasing him and calling him a girl to the point he is identifying as a girl now?

He did tell me that one boy told him that he was a girl, so I was wondering if he was confused. I just keep telling him, no you are a boy. He isn't good at sports because of his motor planning difficulties, so maybe this is why the kid said it.

I think if your child is being teased at school and being called a girl, that is a form of verbal bullying which should be addressed by taking up a complaint with his school.

Is there a chance he has gender identity disorder? That's how it usually starts out with when a child come out as transgender, they start to tell their moms and dads what they really are. I have heard kids have done this young as two according to the documentaries I have seen about transgendered kids. Like you, their parents also thought their child was confused.

Thanks for your replies. As far as whether he is being verbally bullied, I am not sure. He often tells me things that I know are definitely not true, and the teachers ask me about things that he tells them at school that really did not happen. For instance a teacher asked me if someone in my family had recently passed away and I said "no". My son had been talking about that at school that day. So I guess I would have to hear of something pretty consistently before I would be able to complain to the school.

As far as gender identity disorder, hmmm, I guess it is a possibility. He is almost 10 and has never expressed any desire to wear girls clothes or do girly things. He is definitely not the most masculine boy since he is not really good at sports. I guess I just have to wait and see if he continues with it.

I will definitely try to ask more questions about things being said at school though. But sometimes, when I started asking questions, he starts feeding into it and agreeing with me, so I am not sure. Maybe I can mention it to the teacher and see if she knows anything.

Thanks Verdandi-

I guess I will wait and see if he keeps talking about it. What type of doctor do you recommend? A child psychologist or some other type of doctor? I have no knowledge or experience of this.

I am not sure there was a major bullying incident. One day my son kept laughing saying "I'm a girl, I'm a girl" and I said "no honey, you are a boy". "Did someone at school say that to you?" and he gave me a kid's name and said that the kid said he was a girl because he was pretty. I have no idea if this is really true because my son tends to make things up. I love him dearly, but through the years, he has told things to teachers at school and other family members things that are absolutely not true. For instance, when he was in kindergarten, he told one of the teachers that Justin Bieber was his cousin! Then one day when I picked him up from school, he had bitten his hand and I kept trying to talk to him to find out what prompted him to bite his hand. He finally said that a girl in the class told him to do it. I really did not think that was true so I asked him again the next day and he laughed and said that the girl did not say that. So my point is, unless I hear things on a consistent basis ( at least a few times) I don't want to run to the school and accuse someone of bullying until I am pretty certain it is true.

In reference to his psychologist, he got a diagnosis of PDD when he was 2.5 yrs old. We have not being seeing a psychologist on a regular basis because it is so expensive and my son has done pretty well and seems to be making continual progress. I was planning on taking him to one in another year or so just to get a more current update on where he stands.

I am not sure if him saying he is a girl is anything more than just one of his imaginary made up things. Especially, when he sees that he is getting a reaction from me, it just seems to fuel his talk about it. Sometimes, when I talk too much to him about stuff, it just gives him ideas. He has a huge imagination and sometimes does not seem to be dealing with reality. He has never expressed a desire to wear girl clothes and he has never gravitated toward girly things. Of course, I don't want to discount it either, which is why I posted here to see if anyone here acted in a similar way when they were young.

I will definitely stay on top of it, and I will talk to someone at the school if he continues to talk this way.

Thanks for all of your replies....I do appreciate them!

I think I'm a robot.

Beep boop.

It´s normal, that children try out roles and identities, but when it seems to become a consistent pattern, it could be overcompensation because of bullying. It´s ok to fantasize, that Justin Bieber is a cousin, when you´re in kindergarten age and it´s ok to try out the girl-identity. Lots of girls try out the boy identity in their pre-teens, but as you yourself mention, - there is a possibility, that he feels, that, because of his motor trouble, he fails living up to male ideal, which, for boys, is a very physical thing.
What about letting him try Capoeira, a fighting technique masked as a sort of dance, - if he likes physical action at all. It is very good for the coordination and balancing of outgoing energy.
I´d say "child psychologist" too. Good luck.

There's a possibility that your son could have Gender Dysphoria. I think that you should bring it up with a psychologist to see if that is the case. That's what it seems like to me.