Feeling like I don't deserve accomidations

Page 1 of 1 [ 16 posts ] 

ScaryAspie92
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 3 Dec 2014
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 10
Location: Undisclosed town in Canada

11 Mar 2015, 12:43 am

Something I feel like I don't deserve a support worker to help with daily living skills and other accomidations I mean my Iq is average so I should be functioning better. I feel like using supports that I don't deserve. I am also afraid of losing these supports. Does any one else feel like this?


_________________
Autism Spectrum Disorder/Asperger's Syndrome, ADHD-PI, Mild Cerebral Palsy, Major Depressive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, unspecified sleep issues and Learning problems (in Math and Slow Processing Speed)


Aspiewordsmith
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2008
Age: 58
Gender: Male
Posts: 569
Location: United Kingdom, England, Berkshire, Reading

11 Mar 2015, 3:23 pm

IQ shouldn't come into it. Everyone needs some kind of support at times. Why should you not have accommodations you should feel guilty about that. :arrow:



Adamantium
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Feb 2013
Age: 1024
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,863
Location: Erehwon

11 Mar 2015, 6:31 pm

Deserve <---> Don't deserve
This is basically a BS axis foisted on people by other people who were interested in controlling them. It doesn't mean anything. Who deserves to eat? Who deserves to be lucky? Who deserves to be hit by a bus. It's not a useful idea.

A better thing to think about is need. Do you need support? If you do, then use it and forget all the drama about being undeserving. You need what you need.

I have a high IQ and can be successful in some areas of life, but in others I am totally useless and would be broke, homeless and probably dead without support. I have limitations. Do I deserve to be homeless and dead because of those limitations? I am not even sure what that idea means. I am grateful to my wife and to the extended family who have supported me when my own abilities were not up to the challenges I was facing.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

11 Mar 2015, 6:36 pm

If you need support, you need support.

I would agree that, ideally, one should strive for independence from support.

I don't know you--so I can't evaluate whether you actually "need" support.

But, based upon what you wrote, you don't have a "give-up" attitude--so, possibly, you might actually need support. Make use of the support given to attain positive goals. And maybe, in the future, you might be able to use your support in order to get to the point where you don't need support any longer.



starkid
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Feb 2012
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,812
Location: California Bay Area

11 Mar 2015, 6:53 pm

Think about this: the fewer people who use supports, the more likely the support workers (everyone from licensed nurses to student workers who take notes for other students) will be out of a job or underemployed.



ASPartOfMe
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Aug 2013
Age: 67
Gender: Male
Posts: 35,783
Location: Long Island, New York

11 Mar 2015, 7:15 pm

ScaryAspie92 wrote:
Something I feel like I don't deserve a support worker to help with daily living skills and other accomidations I mean my Iq is average so I should be functioning better. I feel like using supports that I don't deserve. I am also afraid of losing these supports. Does any one else feel like this?


Being great in things that requires a high level of functioning and being unable or having great difficulty doing things that require a low level of functioning is what Autism(most definitely including the "high functioning" Aspergers) or being "differently abled" is all about. It often leaves oneself and others believing you do not deserve help, but that is just not true. Besides you have a bunch of other issues besides autism to deal with.


_________________
Professionally Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013
DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity

“My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person”. - Sara Luterman


Protogenoi
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Aug 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 817

11 Mar 2015, 10:41 pm

Everyone deserves accommodations. Most, if not all, accommodations should be covered by general human decency. If someone is having trouble, they should be helped through that trouble. Why should help be denied to anyone who asks for help with sincerity? Anyone should be able to do that and Everyone deserves to have a support to lean on, that is human decency. No one should have to stand alone in this world.


_________________
Now take a trip with me but don't be surprised when things aren't what they seem. I've known it from the start all these good ideas will tear your brain apart. Scared, but you can follow me. I'm too weird to live but much too rare to die. - a7x


Jacoby
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 10 Dec 2007
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 14,284
Location: Permanently banned by power tripping mods lol this forum is trash

12 Mar 2015, 3:30 am

I can relate to the feeling, its to look at some people and say well they really need the help and that I don't deserve it, this really hurt me for a long time and was part of the reason I resisted help and just wallowed doing nothing. There came a point in my life where I had to put my pride away and accept that I cannot do things on my own and that I do have a disability of sorts that has prevented me from functioning the way I should, we can talk about how its a blessing but my life hasn't been easy and I haven't accomplished much anything to this point. Since coming to this realization, my life has moved faster and progressed more than it ever has in the last year and I regret not doing it a lot sooner than I did. Don't feel bad taking advantage of everything offered to you if you need it, what pride is there in being a bum? That's not the life I want.



ToughDiamond
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Sep 2008
Age: 71
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,928

12 Mar 2015, 9:34 am

Yes. I got some accommodations at work, and although they were worth having, I often felt guilty about them.

They largely exempted me from a particular kind of work that had been my biggest problem. It wasn't popular work with anybody. It was an add-on that had nothing to do with the work that most of us had joined the place to do. There weren't enough people to get the work done in a comfortable way. I'd never have done that work voluntarily, and I felt that the management's behaviour was shameful, but once exempted, I felt I was somehow letting down colleagues who still had the work to do. Other accommodations at work also helped to reduce my anxiety, but also made me feel rather excluded.

I felt capable of so much more. The place often put downward pressure on people's professional development anyway, but the disability angle was the icing on the cake. I felt like I'd been parked and left to rot.

It was an extremely irrational feeling. Being left-wing, I applaud anybody in a capitalist workplace who can sidestep the management's pressure to get more out of them for less. I don't resent people for being on benefits. But to be among a struggling group and not to muck in and help, and to be running at 10% of my full performance, that just didn't feel right either.

These days I have no accommodations, I neither work nor claim benefits, so I'm not sponging off anybody, but I still feel guilty about every day I get up late and not really doing anything with myself.



Ettina
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Jan 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,971

12 Mar 2015, 4:00 pm

Where did this attitude come from?



Simmian7
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Apr 2008
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,294
Location: Motown

12 Mar 2015, 4:05 pm

yeah... for me...asking and using a support system.... a part of me realizes that people would just see me as lazy and not wanting to do it...when i go to work everyday...i can drive...and i look normal.

but...the stuff i would ask help with...is mostly stuff that wouldn't change my life so dramatically. i live with my parents. they've done my laundry since i was born, make most of the dinners--unless we go out to eat...then i usually help pay...and generally keep me on track of the day to day life...

they also take care of my finances. all that stuff that people normally worry about--retirement, bills, and whatever else there is....i just can't get myself to care or learn about it. my mentality and wiring is just not made for that. the most i can do is go to the bank, and cash my check so that i can buy food and entertainment items during the week.

i don't even like driving anymore. i'd rather much be a passenger. :?

i get frustrated...seeing so many people getting help...
the one time i asked for help...like getting a job coach/mediator on behalf of getting accommodations where i work... it felt like THEY DID NOTHING. i went to all these meetings and every time it felt like they were making me come up with all the answers on how to fix things. it makes me wonder just how every one else seems to get a service dog, and housing...and a social worker/whatever to come in and assist them.


_________________
*Christina*

It's like someone's calling out to me. Writing it all down...it's like I'm calling back to them.
(quote from August Rush; but used as a reference to my writing)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
My ASD AQ score is 42
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
#DemandCartoonDiversity


genesis529
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 12 Mar 2015
Age: 38
Posts: 88
Location: Georgia, USA

12 Mar 2015, 7:15 pm

You should never feel like you don't deserve what you need in order to live.



ScaryAspie92
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 3 Dec 2014
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 10
Location: Undisclosed town in Canada

12 Mar 2015, 7:42 pm

Thanks I was having bad day and feeling kind of low, but am feeling better and appreciate everyone responses


_________________
Autism Spectrum Disorder/Asperger's Syndrome, ADHD-PI, Mild Cerebral Palsy, Major Depressive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, unspecified sleep issues and Learning problems (in Math and Slow Processing Speed)


ASdogGeek
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jul 2009
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 769

13 Mar 2015, 2:35 pm

I my Iq test in the lower normal range, but yes I often feel that way but Not because of iq. I just generally worry and think maybe I dont need them, maybe I'm just not trying hard enough and I often th ni like that to but I do know I Nee them and. Have a lot of schllanges, I think it's an idea ingrained by society, needing help isn't bad though


_________________
Autism Service Dogs - Everyday heroes
many people spend their live looking for a hero
My autism service dog IS my hero

http://autismdoggirl.blogspot.com/
http://stridersautismdogjourney.blogspot.com/


RubyWings91
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 6 Nov 2011
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 420
Location: USA

13 Mar 2015, 3:23 pm

The question is not whether you deserve accommodations, it's about if you need them. You have a right to these programs if you need them. IQ is only one piece of the overall picture. Don't view it as the determining factor.



Kiriae
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Mar 2014
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,349
Location: Kraków, Poland

13 Mar 2015, 5:17 pm

How to distinguish if one really needs accommodations or is just lazy/picky/comfortable?

I use some support(for now my parents are the one although I don't feel like they are enough) but I think I would be capable of working, living by myself, paying taxes etc. if I just tried hard enough.

I don't do it because it seems so hard and overwhelming... but doesn't everyone find those stuff hard? Are NTs born with the ability to find a job and flat to live in and the understanding of the tax system? I doubt so. They have to learn about it too.