Page 1 of 1 [ 15 posts ] 

rvacountrysinger
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 26 May 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 429
Location: Richmond, Virginia

21 Jul 2015, 2:01 pm

Unlike some, I don't mind small talk if it makes sense to me, and has a point.

For example, I may ask someone "I like horses, how about you?" But I was told this is not exactly small talk.
I always thought small talk was talk that was about lighter subjects that appeal to you. When I ask people random questions, most people answer politely, but a close friend told me that it is considered "odd" and inappropriate. I am all confused.



ZombieBrideXD
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jan 2013
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,507
Location: Canada

21 Jul 2015, 2:09 pm

Me and my therapist used to practice this.

It's very light talk, about general things weather, current movies/ video games ect

There is no single/ large topics involved

It's also important to ask how the person is feeling/ doing but don't expect an honest answer.

Small talk is hard, and boring. I hate it.


_________________
Obsessing over Sonic the Hedgehog since 2009
Diagnosed with Aspergers' syndrome in 2012.
Diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder Level 1 severity without intellectual disability and without language impairment in 2015.

DA: http://mephilesdark123.deviantart.com


JakeASD
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jul 2015
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,297
Location: Kent, UK

21 Jul 2015, 2:14 pm

NT - "You know I 'eard there is snow forecast for later this week."

......after an excruciatingly long pause...........

NNT - *Smiles insincerely whilst nodding politely*


_________________
"Every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don't plan it, don't wait for it, just let it happen. " - Special Agent Dale Cooper, Twin Peaks


GrandWazoo
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jul 2015
Posts: 71

21 Jul 2015, 2:55 pm

I see this conversational form as some sort of superficial talk without any real content. This is just how i perceive it, though. I don't understand the purpose of it, and there actually doesn't seem to be one. In a world of a million different interests this seems to be the easiest route towards a conversation (?) and a form of emotional acknowledgement for both parties.



CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 49
Gender: Male
Posts: 116,725
Location: In my little Olympic World of peace and love

21 Jul 2015, 10:44 pm

Talk that includes the weather, gender related interests and family.


_________________
The Family Enigma


tinyteddy
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 3 Jul 2015
Age: 39
Posts: 143

21 Jul 2015, 10:59 pm

i dont mind small talk, and i've noticed a lot of the people i interact with are pretty friendly in general and also very honest, so if you ask someone how they are doing they might not always say "fine." i really do care about people, and i've noticed myself asking how they are doing because i genuinely care. dont feel bad if you can't/don't like small talk. a lot of it can be superficial, especially if you have no interest in getting to know the person, and in that case, if you must interact with them, a simple smile and hello will suffice. some people are the type who you can just start a conversation with right off the bat, about anything, and those are my favorite types of people.



Malaise
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 12 Jul 2015
Age: 35
Posts: 224
Location: MN

22 Jul 2015, 12:18 am

I'm fine if I don't have to linger in small-talk mode for long. Maybe some people find random questions beyond the usual how's-the-weather-stuff invasive because it's unexpected.



skiddlebugz
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jun 2015
Gender: Female
Posts: 287
Location: Texas

22 Jul 2015, 12:24 am

For me I think small talk is like introducing yourself and ask little questions that requires, well smal talking. Don't really listen to me though, I was just putting out my opinion. Thanks!


_________________
Do whatever makes you happy! <3


Rockymtnchris
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 3 Jul 2015
Age: 61
Posts: 495
Location: Colourful Colorado

22 Jul 2015, 12:50 am

I anger a lot of NT's who ask me stuff like "Good morning, how are you doing today?", and I reply with something like, "Have fun, see you later."
Whenever I get confronted about my inappropriate responses, I show them my hearing aids and tell them I seemed to have misunderstood their question. This usually ends further small talk engagement, once they realise they're not going to get their expected "verbal fix" out of my mouth. In the few rare instances where the assertive NT just wouldn't shut the hell up and continued their probing to try and hear me say "oh, I'm fine", they instead received a full dissertation informing them EXACTLY how I was doing, and it was never pretty or satisfying.
I think by now most of my co-workers know better than to try initialising small talk with me, as they'll only end up "painting themselves into a corner" as implied by the trite cliche.
IMO, small talk, (especially meaningless questions like "are you working hard or hardly working?") deserves no place in society and is insulting, degrading, and belittling to those targeted with such phrases. Stupid extraverts that try those type of inquiries on me get fired back at with another question such as "well, what do you think?"
In isolated occasions, I've actually asked some of my REAL friends "how have you been?" IF I haven't seen them in a while and had suspicions or insight that they have indeed not been well. I believe that wording isn't as abrasive as a generic "how are you?", and that the time tense indicates a more genuine interest in their condition that they can answer thoughtfully and not spontaneously.
In summary, I believe NT's that think small talk is so essential for socialisation are in reality highly insecure with themselves.


_________________
"Small talk is for small minds."

Neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 125 of 200
Neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 93 of 200

RAADS:
Total score-161.0 Language-18.0 Social relatedness-69.0 Sensory/motor-39.0


MoatsArt
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jul 2015
Age: 49
Posts: 235
Location: Inverell, NSW, Australia

22 Jul 2015, 4:30 am

Most people can recognise what small talk is, but not actually define it.

I think that small talk is defined by its purpose, which is to fill a conversational vacuum. If you don't know someone well enough to engage them in topics of conversation they would be interested in, you use "small talk". If you can't think of anything interesting to say to a person, you use "small talk". If you want to avoid a potentially difficult issue, you use "small talk". Rather than sit together in silence, which most people consider to be awkward, you engage in "small talk".

The purpose of small talk dictates its content: Sound bites of information that are uncontroversial and that relate to knowledge that is commonly known, or able to be easily ascertained.

Here is an important use of small talk: It is customary before moving on to the question at hand, particularly in a work environment, to engage in small talk. It is like social grease: Makes things run smoothly.

For this reason, small talk is frustrating and difficult, but not a waste of time. It is worth working at.



MoatsArt
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jul 2015
Age: 49
Posts: 235
Location: Inverell, NSW, Australia

22 Jul 2015, 4:34 am

Sorry, I am wrong. Small talk is defined by its content and fulfills a number of different functions depending on the situation. The suitability of small talk in a certain situation is determined by social convention, which for people like me must be consciously (rather than instinctively) learned and applied. But it can be learned.



rvacountrysinger
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 26 May 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 429
Location: Richmond, Virginia

22 Jul 2015, 11:50 am

I'm from the South, so I believe in having good manners. But where i live folks will talk to each other in the grocery store line. I don't mind this! But I don't understand the point of talking about the weather. I do like saying "Hi!, or Howdy! That is fun. But I don't understand why talking about the weather or feelings is helpful.



nurseangela
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Nov 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,017
Location: Kansas

22 Jul 2015, 12:03 pm

Small talk (to me) is a way if letting someone know you acknowledge them as important enough to give them your time and a way if being polite without being too nosy and getting into the other person's business unless the other person actually wants to tell you more.


_________________
Me grumpy?
I'm happiness challenged.

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.


JoelFan
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 May 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 599
Location: In a nerotypical world.

22 Jul 2015, 12:05 pm

Small talk: Hi how are you? how about this weather it's sure been <insert verb here> lately, Have you seen/heard/read about <noun here>? That would be considered small talk. Me, unless I know a person I don't normally go out of my way to talk with others except for the occasional hey how ya doin' not that I care it's just the "normal" thing to do.


_________________
"I really wish I was less of a thinking man and more of a fool not afraid of rejection." ~ Billy Joel


ToughDiamond
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Sep 2008
Age: 71
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,828

22 Jul 2015, 12:50 pm

This seems to explain small talk pretty well:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Small_talk

tinyteddy wrote:
i dont mind small talk, and i've noticed a lot of the people i interact with are pretty friendly in general and also very honest, so if you ask someone how they are doing they might not always say "fine." i really do care about people, and i've noticed myself asking how they are doing because i genuinely care. dont feel bad if you can't/don't like small talk. a lot of it can be superficial, especially if you have no interest in getting to know the person, and in that case, if you must interact with them, a simple smile and hello will suffice. some people are the type who you can just start a conversation with right off the bat, about anything, and those are my favorite types of people.

Interesting. I too think that there can be more to the "how're you doing?" than the usual explanations give us. I used to think it was a bit silly to ask it at all, then I thought about it and figured it was actually a good way to greet somebody because it's really quite important to know from the start how they're doing. For example, if they're feeling bad because their best friend has just died, that's going to change the way you talk to them, if you've got any social skill and compassion at all. It seems rather a waste to just use it as a simplistic hailing signal.

The problem for me was that when people asked me how I am, I tended to try to answer very precisely, so they usually get something like "well, it's kind of hard to say......[blah blah]." I took to just saying "could be worse" rather than stick to the boring "fine!" that so many people use, and a surprising number of people used to laugh, as if I'd said something quite witty. I'd expected they'd just see it as a slightly refreshing version of "fine," and I never did work out what they found so funny about it. But they did seem to be laughing with me rather than at me.