Are you suppossed to smile when meeting people?

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hollowmoon
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29 Mar 2015, 3:03 pm

My roomate just told me she didnt like me at first because i didnt smile when meeting her. I didnt know i was suppossed to do this? My smiles feel a bit painful like im stretching my mouth when it wants to be shut. Literaly the only time i smile is when i laugh. Am i suppossed to be smiling/ laughing at people??? Im so confused, why would i do this??



Joe90
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29 Mar 2015, 3:09 pm

I always smile automatically. I got into a habit of doing it when I was in my early teens.


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29 Mar 2015, 3:10 pm

Kinda... its okay tho if you don't. Your supposed to smile slightly and raise your eyebrows a bit. Raising the eyebrows is more important than the smiling though. It's aim is to show the new person your not a threat. I never used to do either but I started to watch other people and now I do it automatically unless I'm sleepy or something.


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hollowmoon
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29 Mar 2015, 3:11 pm

Joe90 wrote:
I always smile automatically. I got into a habit of doing it when I was in my early teens.

But why?



hollowmoon
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29 Mar 2015, 3:12 pm

starfox wrote:
Kinda... its okay tho if you don't. Your supposed to smile slightly and raise your eyebrows a bit. Raising the eyebrows is more important than the smiling though. It's aim is to show the new person your not a threat. I never used to do either but I started to watch other people and now I do it automatically unless I'm sleepy or something.


Would simply saying i am not a threat be odd



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29 Mar 2015, 3:28 pm

Neurotypicals read the lack of smile as a posture of defense or aggression. If you don't smile, they assume you're being deliberately unfriendly and that you dislike them, or you think you're superior, or you're plotting to take their first born, yada, yada, yada... :roll:

I just give them a quick fakey smile as a social gesture, to imply "I'm not holding a knife." :?

I'm not capable of those big, toothy, politician clown faces. :mrgreen:


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starfox
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29 Mar 2015, 3:32 pm

I don't think you should worry too much. Of your room mate didn't like you at first then that's they're problem. I'd probably say don't judge me before you know me


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NEtikiman
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29 Mar 2015, 3:36 pm

People tend to make long term judgments based on first impressions. If you at least grin when you meet someone, it'll give the impression that you're friendly and people like to keep friendly people around...


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hollowmoon
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29 Mar 2015, 3:40 pm

NEtikiman wrote:
People tend to make long term judgments based on first impressions. If you at least grin when you meet someone, it'll give the impression that you're friendly and people like to keep friendly people around...

Theyll think im friendly for showing them my teeth? Weird



NEtikiman
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29 Mar 2015, 3:48 pm

hollowmoon wrote:
NEtikiman wrote:
People tend to make long term judgments based on first impressions. If you at least grin when you meet someone, it'll give the impression that you're friendly and people like to keep friendly people around...

Theyll think im friendly for showing them my teeth? Weird


Yup. It is weird. But that's how it works.

NT people use a lot of visual information to make judgments about people and facial expression is key to this. I'm not saying it's right or wrong, but that's what it is.

It doesn't need to be a big toothy clown smile, though. I just purse my lips and try to upturn the corners of my mouth. That seems to work well for me.

Even though I know to do this, I practice it in the mirror from time to time in case my face has changed.


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hollowmoon
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29 Mar 2015, 4:23 pm

NEtikiman wrote:
hollowmoon wrote:
NEtikiman wrote:
People tend to make long term judgments based on first impressions. If you at least grin when you meet someone, it'll give the impression that you're friendly and people like to keep friendly people around...

Theyll think im friendly for showing them my teeth? Weird

Thanks!! Very helpful
Yup. It is weird. But that's how it works.

NT people use a lot of visual information to make judgments about people and facial expression is key to this. I'm not saying it's right or wrong, but that's what it is.

It doesn't need to be a big toothy clown smile, though. I just purse my lips and try to upturn the corners of my mouth. That seems to work well for me.

Even though I know to do this, I practice it in the mirror from time to time in case my face has changed.



hollowmoon
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29 Mar 2015, 4:24 pm

Thanks! Very helpful

NEtikiman wrote:
hollowmoon wrote:
NEtikiman wrote:
People tend to make long term judgments based on first impressions. If you at least grin when you meet someone, it'll give the impression that you're friendly and people like to keep friendly people around...

Theyll think im friendly for showing them my teeth? Weird


Yup. It is weird. But that's how it works.

NT people use a lot of visual information to make judgments about people and facial expression is key to this. I'm not saying it's right or wrong, but that's what it is.

It doesn't need to be a big toothy clown smile, though. I just purse my lips and try to upturn the corners of my mouth. That seems to work well for me.

Even though I know to do this, I practice it in the mirror from time to time in case my face has changed.



darkphantomx1
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29 Mar 2015, 5:47 pm

No never under any circumstance smile at someone. This is a sign of weakness. You have to keep a tough guy look on your face the whole time when talking to someone to show ur dominance. Smiling is for the weak.



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29 Mar 2015, 10:56 pm

I feel I can't produce a fake smile, that most are catching on to my act. But nobody says anything so it is hard to know


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29 Mar 2015, 11:14 pm

Smiling often indicates that you are being friendly towards the person that you are smiling at. It usually makes people comfortable because of that.

However, as phantom said, it could be taken as a sign of weakness/servileness by some. You'd better not be too generous with smiles.

Also, some use smiles as a disguise. They hide their nastiness behind their smiles.

But in general smiling will make you look friendly and make others comfortable.



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29 Mar 2015, 11:27 pm

Smiling can be difficult for me to. I have been working on it lately. I forced myself to go out to a karaoke show last week and I made a point to smile at people and introduce myself and shake there hand. I'm also trying really hard to remember peoples names and ask them questions about themselves. People are impressed when you know there name and remember something about them. It is very stressful for me to do this but I need to make more friends. My family is very small and my mother will die soon and I need to make friends to get help from others. You could say I'm learning a survival skill. For most NT's it is just a natural social skill.


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