What is the real meaning of this behaviour?

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I've seen this many times randomly before, but it recently happened again. I'll be casually chatting with someone NT and then, I don't know but maybe I misunderstood something they said, and suddenly they get really angry and say:

"Are you deliberately pretending to not understand what I said, for your own amusement?!?!"

This seems inexplicable. Is it considered amusing by NT people to misunderstand each other? I see no point in deliberately misunderstanding when real misunderstandings happen so often already. Why would an NT person even suggest that I'm amusing myself by not understanding? Then if I reply "No" they angrily ask what other purpose besides amusement would I have to misunderstand them, as if it's the only possible explanation in their mind.

Can you describe the situation more? Is it work, school, or social? And it might help to have an idea whether you initially would seem shy and quiet or extroverted.

I've had that happen to me in subtle and not so subtle ways, and seen it happen. Usually it seems to mean that the person getting angry mistook me/my child/someone else as being a certain way they see as normal and expected, and they're not getting back the feedback they expect, they're confused and it makes them angry.

In fairness although this is unkind to do to another person, we get angry when people confuse us, too.

But for what to do about it that might depend on the situation.

Alas, people do pretend to misunderstand somebody merely for their own amusement.

The way to counter this is always to be clear in what you say--and to use the other person's words to your own advantage. Just ignore it when they seemed amused by your reaction. Tell them you don't like to play games, and that you like things on the up and up.

Sometimes dull-witted people say things without realizing that what they said, or a word they used, can have another meaning, so when you act confused, they think you are purposely mocking their ignorance, or their poor vocabulary.

Sometimes I am.

You are being accused of 'playing dumb'. 'Playing dumb' is a common passive-aggressive manuever usually used for amusement or to avoid responsibility. You probably get this accusation leveled at you because the person finds it implausible that the person who expertly understands X is unable to understand Y.

You would have to give examples of actual conversations for us to figure out the situation.

One likely explanation is this: that oddly enough the people saying that to you are saying that out of politeness.

It could be that what they are really saying is "what I am saying to you would be crystal clear to most people. So if you dont get it then you must be a real dumb ass. But I am not rude enough to actually call you a 'dumb ass', so I will just accuse of you being a normal IQ person who is a perverse sadist pretending to be a dumbass, so you will get the hint."

I am not saying that you really ARE a dumbass, but you might have communication issues with people.

So the next time you hear someone say "are you pretending to misunderstand me" just substitute that phrase with ""you're a real dumb ass!" in your head, and you will get what the person WANTS to say to you ( sorry to be blunt about it).

So the issue could be: you not understanding folks in normal conversations - maybe because of aspie issues-maybe you take things too literally-or don't read between the lines in ways that seem obvious to others- or something like that.

And that maybe something you need to work on.

But again-we can't tell from the little information you have given- so it may not have anything to do with that.

It sounds like you're missing subtext. When I catch myself doing this -- when I am told I've done it, like you are being told -- I apologize and say that I am terrible at social cues and wish I were better, but that I meant no offense. Then I ask questions and if they are nice about it all, they will explain more. Then I know for next time.

But usually it's awkward and gets gets more awkward. I'm older now, so I am better at handling and avoiding these situations, but it took a lot of trial and error to get where I am -- and it still happens.

So I take continuing education by watching a lot of TV and studying highly social shows, re watching them a lot. Columbo is good for this, but sometimes I start talking like Peter Falk if I watch too much! (And I'm a woman from California!)

Since you didn't list an example I will guess they were lacking TOM. Just because they understand it, they think you should too and because you didn't, they thought you were being deliberately obtuse. This is what happens when you don't pretend to get something.

What dryope said is a possibility. Both of the above posts actually.

To amend what I said above: its also possible that the OP's campanions know her enough to know that she isnt dumb at all. And exactly for that reason they can't fathom why she doesn't "get it" sometimes, and so out of exasperation they grab the "you must be doing this on purpose for perverse pleasure" explanation.

Well I don't think this is just an NT thing. An AS person can also think someone is playing games with them and get angry. A lot of people with autism don't interact with AS people much, like I do, so it's easy to think the behavior of some people is exclusively an NT thing.

When it comes to Aspies, I think most are perceived as very intelligent. So when they don't get something or respond in a way that seems to contradict how intelligent they are, it gets misunderstood as playing dumb or being rude or lying etc. When really they just processed what they heard differently, so their response is different from what is expected. It's a difficult thing misunderstanding others and being misunderstood.

Exactly. I haven´t had reactions like that, but some poorly hidden annoyance have ocurred.
Before, when I thought, that I was dumb, when I didn´t understand, I did nervous attempts to figure out, what was probably said - and failed lots of times. I was she, who would "have to learn to listen".

After I have started relaxing and just saying: "Sorry, I didn´t understand what you said", I just get the looks and sighs some of the time.

I guess the explanation that they were accusing me of being "too smart" to make a mistake like that, was correct. Each time it happened with people who had highly inflated ideas of my intellect, and said they thought I was a genius. In reality my intellectual abilities and disabilities are scattered all over the map.

Yes I've had that. People see we're intelligent and able but they don't know our weaknesses, so they think we must be deliberately not co-operating. We look too normal, having no wheelchairs or strait-jackets.

As has been said, I think it's wise to try to reassure that there's no deliberate game going on.

TBH I think it's better if people think we are slow and not very smart because then we get better treatment and friendlier attitudes and people are more helpful. In high school kids kept assuming I never listened and stuff because they knew I wasn't dumb.

Quite the dilemma, lose the advantage of a good first impression or set yourself up for a fall.

Yep it means they think you are too smart not to understand. Therefore you must be playing dumb on purpose.