Pets for attachment?

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Sorry - lots of questions at present.
Recently I've been considering getting a pet. Moving to a new flat soon may allow one, and I'm curious if this could be beneficial. I don't attach/bond much at all. I'm friendly and open to enjoying things, but ultimately detached in terms of any emotional connection beyond a superficial level. Human connection doesn't go well for me, I hate being touched, and find most forms of affection repellent. So, in order to work on that aspect, I thought it might be easier to learn to bond with/be affectionate toward a pet, utilising it in a therapy-animal kind of way. Anyone else done this? Good/bad idea? How do people on the autistic spectrum generally go with bonding with pets Vs navigating the socialisations of people? Can the one help the other?

At first, pet is responsibility. His life depends on his owner - at least you need to feed him, play with him, clean for him, go for a walk with him (not with all pets though), bring him to vet clinic if he's sick and many other activities.

That is the reason I don't adopt any pet despite loving animals much and supporting with money one pet nursery.

However it can really be better than interaction with people for some reasons, and many autistic/aspie find it like a therapy for themselves. You care about pet, love him, he loves you too for this, he needs you and you feel it. It makes you more confident, more caring and more socialized in general.

Pets are great companions. Especially cats. They give you freedom - they are not as affectionate and dependent as dogs - but they still can clearly show you they love you. In a lot of ways that we (autistic people) seem to understand instinctively. I can understand my cat better then I understand my own parents just by watching its body language.

But of course a cat is a responsibility too. You need to give it food, care about its health and make sure cats toilette is clean. About playing - it depends on the cat personality. And about walks - a cat will be happy just staying home as long as you don't let it discover the outside and a cat can walk itself if you live in a save area.

For your first cat I would recommend one that is already an adult and has calm and accepting personality so it won't get hurt if you make a mistake. You should be able to find one in animal shelter. Adult cats in shelters are also usually already neutralized so you won't have to bother with the surgery.

Kittens are cute but you have to raise them(kittens growing up are like kids - they do a lot of weird and dangerous things if you don't watch over them) and you never know what kind of cat you end up with. You might raise a fondling or a crackpot and you have little control over that.

But on the other hand - raising a kitten makes you attached to it more than simply adopting an adult cat. When you see it growing you develop motherly instincts toward it and you learn it's body language as it discovers it.

Last edited by Kiriae on 08 Apr 2015, 6:39 am, edited 1 time in total.

I'm not sure that it is a good idea. It seems that you are mostly interested in what the animals can do for you. I think animals are great and I have several, but you have to understand that they are a lot of work and they have many needs that you will be responsible for. If you are really interested, maybe you can start by volunteering somewhere like at an animal shelter? Maybe it is nothing for you, or you will love it. But don't just go out and buy a pet, if it is a healthy one it will be with you for years. It is a long lasting decision that you will be making.

Also there may be more exotic pets. I know one man who has several rats - they are clever, funny, each has its own personality and they need just a little care. They also recognise the owner and kinda love him.
They live only near 2 years but because he has both genders, there are always some young from next generation.

Ravens and even crows are also interesting choice if you ask me - these birds are probably the smartest, much smarter than even large parrots and so may be really loyal companions. I heard stories from animal specialists that crows can really understand what is "friendship" or "sharing meaningful things with friend".

I can't say better, truly agree with this. Try to volunteer with pets to see if it helps and if it's what you expect.

Definately.
You'll learn a lot about dogs and/or cats by volunteering to work with them at a shelter (Humane Society, SPCA, city or county shelter, etc.). I'm Humane Society volunteer and I also have a dog that I adopted from there.

I'm more sensible about it than perhaps that sounded - I have had pets before, but it was years ago, living with my family, and since then I have wanted to, but put it off as I thought it wouldn't be fair to the animal with my rather itinerant lifestyle. I had a cat last (@ kiriae) and was great with her - but when she died people seemed to think my reaction was odd. I was fond of my cat and looked after her properly, was as affectionate as I could be with her, but when she died I saw this as acceptable - she was living a free cat life and was bitten by a snake. This was a quick, natural death, especially for an older cat. That was acceptable to me - makes sense, part of life. My family were freaked out, as it appeared I just didn't care. I argued that I did care - I also understood. But circumstances change, and I thought perhaps in a new place, I'd have the right environment to be able to have a pet again. I was thinking of a ferret, for various over-analysed reasons.

Don't worry about what people say. You might care and they might not see it because our reactions are unusual. You might not care that much because you understand death is only natural and was a good thing in that case because the cat was quite old and could get sick and die soon anyway- that's normal reaction too. Or you might just not love that cat enough to be depressed after its death - which is also normal thing. Not each animal will be your heart companion.

I have had many cats in my life but I cried only after the death of one of them. She was born in my room and I seen her growing day by day since she was a tiny kitten. She could come to me when I was crying. She was adjusting to my hugs(she was like a soft teddy bear) and hug me back(she was putting her paws around my arm or neck). She could also talk to me - she was meowing back everytime I talked to her (she was behaving like the Sylvester "talking" cat on youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cc79iJnwvJ4&list=PLF72C3E0A45E3093C&index=2 ). And she had distinguishable meows for each need: "Food", "Hug", "Play", "Go outside", "Help!". She even had a meow meaning "Hello, I'm back". She would enter the house, get to my room, do her "Hello, I'm back" meow and go to kitchen, sit on bed, start playing or do whatever she wanted - the meow was just a "Hello" and nothing more, she just wanted to let me know she is home.

Unfortunately she got sick(cancer) when she was 6 year old and died soon after. It was first time I ever cried after anybody's death. Usually I am like "it's just natural, everyone dies someday, whats the big deal?" but knowing I will never hug her again, "talk" with her... Knowing that she would still be alive for about 10 years if lucky... Knowing that she won't see the spring (she died in winter) and go outside which she loved so much... It made me extremely sad.

In my opinion, the reaction you had when your cat died is not unnatural or bad; it was well-reasoned. People agree that everyone needs to grieve in their own way, and you were doing that by understanding the facts, so don't worry about what people say. I have the same reaction when people die; I certainly didn't fool myself into believing that they would be here forever, and I saw them as much as I wanted to when they were alive, so what is there to be sad about?

I grew up with cats and I always thought they were the best pets because, as others have said, they're less dependent on me than other animals. If I feed them and keep the litter clean, they will provide their other needs. They will play when they want to, and they will be affectionate when they want to. For cats that go outside, it's sort of like having a sibling or roommate around. You see them sometimes, but they mostly do their own thing.

For me, getting a dog was one of the best things I ever did. I didn't think I would like all that attention and unbiased affection, but that turned out to be wrong. At first, my dog was a bit frustrating because he needs me to provide everything for him; unlike a cat, he needs care several times a day. I must feed him, take him outside to potty, take him for walks, give him baths, play with him, give him toys, give him treats, train him to understand commands, clean him up when he comes inside with muddy paws, etc. It is a lot more than a cat. When the dog has to go out, he has to go out NOW, not when I'm finished on the computer or whatever I'm doing.
Plus, a dog wants to be near you ALL THE TIME, touching you and giving you affection and following you everywhere and sleeping next to you and never, never being apart. That didn't bother me near as much as I thought it would. I find myself enjoying his company and wanting him near me. When I leave the house, I'm always anxious to get back and see him.

Those are the bad parts of having a dog.

The good parts are that a dog likes routines. He wants to eat at the same time everyday, go to bed at the same time, go for walks at the same time, go outside at the same time, etc. That works well for me because I like routines and schedules as well.
Playing with my dog is fun. We run, play tug of war, chase each other, play fetch. I enjoy it.
Taking him for daily walks gets me outside every day (when the weather allows), which I enjoy. Nature calms me, but I don't make the effort on my own to go out in it.
It's actually nice to have someone who wants to be near me all the time. When I come home and he gets so excited to see me, it makes me feel good. I feel how much he loves me, and his feelings don't change. I can be sure of them in a way that I can't with humans. Humans change or are dishonest about their feelings. My dog never is.
The need to take care of him helps me be more reliant about taking care of myself. Having that responsibility makes it easier to take on other responsibilities.
Once you learn to read your dog, they are much easier to understand than humans. He understands me, and I him. I know his 'out' face, his 'hungry' face, his 'I want to play' face. He knows when I'm sad or frustrated. I know his happy face and his scared face. I think that dogs are easier to communicate with because they display their emotions as they feel them. They don't hide or lie or cover up what they feel. It's all right there on the surface. Honesty is a huge thing for me, and dogs are very honest and very open about everything.

Very good synopsis of life with a dog.

I find our cat is a big help with my marriage, oddly enough. He (the cat) is a "talker" -- lots of different meows, in a loud, yowling voice sometimes, and I've learned to recognize his different sounds and body language. He's a bit more attached to my wife than me, so if i upset her, the cat comes over and yells at me!! rrrOOOWRRRRrrr! He sits on her chest if she's feeling depressed or unwell (she has some chronic health problems), and has another meow if I'm staying up too late and not getting enough sleep. It's like he's become my designated helper cat. I've learned to take my cue from him on whether I'm being a jerk and talking in a nasty tone or getting too wound up about something.

Does anybody else have a pet like this? Do they give you clues on how other people are reacting?

The cat I mentioned earlier was just like this. I don't recall her "telling" me about other people reactions but she was "describing" everything that happened at home when I was away. When I was not home for a day or two I could expect an hour long meowing session as soon as I return. She was also "asking" my parents where I am when I was gone. She could go to them, meow, look at them, wait for them to follow her, lead them to my room, look around, look at them and meow again.

Yes, but its not a permanent decision and for me, that's the biggest downside. You will bond with this creature, come to feel as though it is your child and best friend and eventually you will have to watch it die. Even dogs live at best 18 years and while that's a long life for them, its just long enough for you to become so attached that losing them will tear a truck-sized hole in your heart.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying pets aren't wonderful friends, but be advised going in, that not only are you taking on a tremendous responsibility on a day-to-day basis (and its very easy for an Aspie to get caught up in our personal obsessive interests and forget that someone is depending on us for their bathroom breaks - a dog's bladder does not understand "wait just one minute" - for them, gotta go means NOW), you are also taking on a guaranteed heartbreak, because you almost certainly will outlive them.

And I truly cannot fathom this supposed aspergian preoccupation with cats, they are self-absorbed, unfeeling, exceedingly dimwitted (in spite of cat lovers' puerile assertions that they have some mystical wisdom) and worst of all, they stink up a person's home as bad as a week-old corpse. I cannot enter a home that reeks of litter box. Its a clear sign that the inhabitants are both slovenly and mentally ill - they seem blissfully unaware that their carpets, walls, clothing and hair are steeped in the odor of animal urine.

The only worse pet choice you could make would be keeping chickens. Well, any barnyard fowl, really.

That's why cats should be sterilized before they reach adulthood. If they don't have time to learn the territory marking behavior they won't pee outside of a litterbox unless they are sick or hate the litterbox for some reason. And if the litterbox stinks - it's a clear sign the owner is doing something wrong. There are smell neutralizing litterbox fillers available so unless the litterbox is really dirty there should be nearly no smell. And if there is some - keeping litterbox in a restroom prevents the smell from spreading to the whole house.

I love animals. I don't like being touched by people, but I love being affectionate to my animals. I even look into their eyes sometimes.

They are generally warm, forgiving, and loyal in ways that people are not. They have simple needs

food
attention
go inside/outside
go to the vet here and there

The worst part is when they get old and sick and then die.