"You can't be an aspie you're too sociable!"

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mel113
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14 Apr 2015, 4:38 pm

No...not really... I just know that I have to act that way.

Does anyone else get these types of statements??? I mean.... It makes me feel like maybe I actually AM imagining all this. Except I've taken the two big in detail autism spectrum tests on line and have scored pretty high. I dunno- I'm getting a professional to confirm or deny my suspicion of Aspergers soon. So in the mean time similar stories would make me feel better :)



Jdibbs25
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14 Apr 2015, 6:31 pm

mel113 wrote:
No...not really... I just know that I have to act that way.

Does anyone else get these types of statements??? I mean.... It makes me feel like maybe I actually AM imagining all this. Except I've taken the two big in detail autism spectrum tests on line and have scored pretty high. I dunno- I'm getting a professional to confirm or deny my suspicion of Aspergers soon. So in the mean time similar stories would make me feel better :)



It is currently my daily struggle my friend. Except most of the time it is myself who always doubts the aspie in me.



Dillogic
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14 Apr 2015, 6:43 pm

It would depend on what's meant by "too sociable".

You can be sociable and still manifest [some of] the social impairments of autism (usually the "active but odd" type of AS).



will@rd
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14 Apr 2015, 6:47 pm

Define "sociable."

Just being in the same room with a group of people doesn't mean you're socializing, even though they may be. I got along with most of the people I worked with and could chat a bit and make jokes with them, but I still spent 98% of my time in a closed room, working by myself.

In the High School where I graduated, everybody knew who I was, because it was a small town and my dad's job was fairly prominent. Nobody had a particular reason to dislike me (because I kept to myself and didn't offend anyone). To this day they choose to remember me as just another part of their peer group.

What they don't seem to remember is I sat in the back of every class, hiding behind a curtain of hair, drawing or reading a book and most of them never said two words to me the whole time we attended school together. There were maybe a half dozen people in the entire school who ever went out of their way to be nice to me and the rest of them ignored me like I was invisible (and for all practical purposes, I was). The kids in the youth group at my dad's church were more friendly to me there, but even they hardly spoke to me at school.

Its funny how selectively people perceive things like that. They may think of you as having been "shy" or "standoffish," but really have no idea just how isolated you actually are, because they're so busy talking and socializing themselves, they just don't see it.


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Shoggothgoat
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14 Apr 2015, 7:14 pm

"You don't need glasses, you'r not blind!". Logic. Sorry for not being autistic enough for you, I'll try to drool more next time.



mel113
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14 Apr 2015, 7:36 pm

Dillogic wrote:
It would depend on what's meant by "too sociable".

You can be sociable and still manifest [some of] the social impairments of autism (usually the "active but odd" type of AS).


I think that what this particular woman (my anthropology teacher) thinks that my talking to her and smiling and being nice is "sociable" but in reality I have to communicate with her to do well in the class (as it is with almost all of my teachers) and I tend to (try to) throw out extra charm because teacher that likes me= better grades (not necessarily good grades, depending on how well I do in the class, but I swear that making friends with the teacher is the difference between a B+ and an A-)



Deb1970
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14 Apr 2015, 10:38 pm

In high school I was not social at all. I sat in the back of the classroom and would break out in a sweat if the teacher asked me to answer a question in class. I spent most of my time in the art room or in study hall trying to avoid the other students. I had a few friends but did not spend much time with them in school. As an adult I have more then learned how to socialize. But even today at work I was told that I was truly an odd person. I tend to talk too much or not enough. I have problems with small talk. When it comes to talking about work related things I do well. When I'm on the phone with my mother I can not seem to be able to shut up. I go on and on about the things I have done all day. My work is my special interest. I like printing. Weather it be photos or credit card statements I really, really like it. I like talking about printers, and print files. I hope my next job is at a printing press.


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dryope
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15 Apr 2015, 1:39 am

Sometimes my social anxiety is less of a problem for me and sometimes I feel safe with the people I'm talking to and feel like expressing myself. I've made social communication a special interest and have worked at my performance, so, like speaking a foreign language, I've improved with practice. At work, if I know my role well, I am very effective.

The problems come out when:
1) My social anxiety is high, for whatever reason (diet, sleep, stress, scary people, loud noises)
2) I am in a new role I don't know well (leading a meeting with important people) or I've misjudged my role (I've been leading discussion groups at university for weeks as a TA and now I'm just another student in the room in a grad-level class -- I start acting like a TA and piss off the teacher.)
3) I don't trust the people I'm around.
4) I've been socializing too long and I'm tired -- my performance slips (my French sucks the tireder I get, too).

I have had a lot of great geeky friends who supported my clumsy attempts at socialization as a teenager, so I'm better now. I love oversharing and getting excited about ideas and talking like a flibbertigibbet to my mother and close friends. But then I get selective mutism -- with the same people even -- in other conditions.

I don't know what's going on in the moment, usually. I have to piece it together afterward. Keeping a diary is useful to figure all this out.


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Wrenton
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15 Apr 2015, 2:05 am

I hate it when People tell me that. I can be sociable but after a while its the things I do and say subconsciously that they see is what makes them understand like a mac truck I am what I say I am and cant do what I have told them what I cant.



nazaya
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15 Apr 2015, 3:49 am

I feel like I'm reading my own thoughts. When I realized I fit in the AS profile, my husband asked me if I wasn't allowed myself to be influenced by all the info I was reading about asperger syndrome. Of course he had no idea of many things about me that I never told him (until that moment) because previously I assumed those things were normal for everyone.
I have the impression that most people with no AS (and with no information) got it all wrong and think of people with aspergers like ret*ds without capacity for enhance their social skills, as if we were helpless due to our condition and there were nothing to do. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think that sometimes.



EzraS
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15 Apr 2015, 4:39 am

I've been surrounded by aspies my whole life. There are plenty that don't act the least bit shy and will chat it up with basically anyone. I've known a few that I think could be described as overly friendly.



mbs1115
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15 Apr 2015, 5:30 am

I did get that once or twice. Although, my actual diagnosis is PDD-NOS. I have also gotten that I do not look Autistic and comments like "But you seem so smart."



mel113
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15 Apr 2015, 9:36 am

It's never been mentioned in a negative way, but I suspect that there are many times I talk too much (every time I say I want to teach at a college level I hear "oh you'd be great at that! You love to talk!") Especially when I'm upset, trying to explain my thoughts, talking about my special interests, or I forgot to take my meds and am tired (it seems to be a combination of the two, and I want to join in all the topics of a long conversation two coworkers are having)



Zincubus
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15 Apr 2015, 9:41 am

mel113 wrote:
No...not really... I just know that I have to act that way.

Does anyone else get these types of statements??? I mean.... It makes me feel like maybe I actually AM imagining all this. Except I've taken the two big in detail autism spectrum tests on line and have scored pretty high. I dunno- I'm getting a professional to confirm or deny my suspicion of Aspergers soon. So in the mean time similar stories would make me feel better :)


Relax bud .... I sure most of us have to put up with this nonsense and it riles me tremendously !

Just because we're clever enough to know how we are "expected " to behave doesn't mean that we are enjoying the experience ...



lyzpg
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15 Apr 2015, 9:51 am

That's the reason why I don't share that I'm an aspie. It's emotionally taxing to always be 'in character' around acquaintances and NTs, but it's easier than trying to explain why you do what you do all the time. Who has the stamina? :?



Girlwithaspergers
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15 Apr 2015, 9:57 am

I've had people say I am way more friendly and outgoing than the typical Aspie. I also both use and undestand sarcasm, metaphors, and the like in a very non-autistic way. But there's ever been any denying that I'm on the spectrum.