jayjayuk wrote:
Some of you may remember last year I was suffering from a great depression. Very bad. They put me on 1mg of Lorazepam to take the edge off and they worked wonders. Then 3 or so months later they just stopped giving me them. I lost the plot due to withdrawals and started consuming cannabis to help.
It helped amazingly, but then when I haven't got it it feels like life is square, with lots of sharp corners. The cannabis took the edge off enough to relax and continue with my day to day business. You could say similar to Lorazepam but without the "high"
I've forced myself to stop smoking cannabis because it's costing so much. Today I had another serious bout of depression. I had nasty suicidal thoughts. The doctor gave me an emergency appointment after I called emergency services.
Guess what he gave me ... Lorazepam! Where is the logic in this? One doctor (in the same surgery) refuses them and causes me to go through hell, the other sees me and advices me to start taking Lorazepam.
These no doubt will work magically on me, but I don't want to touch them. They give me a false sense of who I am. They make me feel perfect, but I know without them, I'm a mess.
I have an appointment with therapist on 20th, but today was so bad I had to speak to the doctor and get it off my chest.
What is it about 'false' senses is an issue? You basically describe them as working -too- well therefore they make you uncomfortable.
If I eat bread I will undoubtably have a very bad spiral of depression. What if bread makes you feel depressed too, but you just haven't stopped eating bread long enough to ever know that bread was making you depressed all along? If you -stopped- eating bread and you suddenly felt better, would that then be your 'true' self and all this time it has been your false self? How can the addition of something in your environment make your experiences not 'you'? Or is it that 'you' is only how you perceive you are because that's what you're like the majority of the time? Like, over 50% of the time you are depressed, therefore your natural self is depressed?
Sense of self is messed up.
_________________
Not autistic, I think
Prone to depression
Have celiac disease
Poor motivation
08 May 2015, 12:33 pm
