Understanding other autistic people

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Hi all,

I've been reading autobiographical accounts by other autistic people, and have noticed a very interesting pattern, whereby autistic people sometimes spontaneously 'understand' other autistic people or 'feel at home' when they encounter them. Notably, they stress being able to understand and communicate with other autistic people better than they can understand and communicate with NTs. Some even note feeling this way when they meet autistic people who nobody else thought could communicate (e.g. Donna Williams reports being able to spontaneously understand and play with a young autistic boy named Perry, whose mother had thought unable to communicate at all). Aside from this I've found a few good papers by Jim Sinclair which document similar reports, but no scientific studies so far.

So I'm wondering, is this a common experience for people here? And can anyone suggest any further reading on this?

Thanks,
Rob

I'd say it has to do with the fact that people with autism have brains that work on a different frequency so to speak. So when I'm around other autistic kids, we are on the same wavelength. My NT cousin who's my age within a few months, was raised alongside me from birth, and when I was little and more severely autistic, he's the only one that could really understand me and interact with me. I figure as his mind was developing, it developed a way to tie into my autistic frequency better than others in the family. He understands me better than anyone.

Thanks EzraS, interesting reply. Also glad to hear you have such a strong relationship with your cousin!

I have had friends who were almost surely undiagnosed spectrumites, whether full-blown autistics, or PDD-NOS and I've had a few who were definitely NT types in their mental processing, but the one thing they all had in common was social alienation.

For one reason or another, every one of them was a freak, a geek, a nerd or some other type of outsider, that the typical crowd looked at askance, as "weird" or "creepy" or "eccentric" or just a goofball. And we all wore our oddness as a badge of honor - it gave us a sort of rebel clique of our own.

OTOH, I have known some people who have clearly been on the spectrum, with whom the only things I had in common were certain autistic traits, like stimming, poor eye contact and lecturing. Beyond those things, we had nothing in common and little to talk about and in some cases, I found them personally annoying. Go figure.

Thanks for the reply will@rd! But I'm not asking if you like other autistic people necessarily The question is more one of understanding (although I admit that feeling 'at home' requires not disliking at least).

What I want to know is whether, if one of these other autistic people you've met started doing something that NTs would find it really hard to understand, would you find it hard to understand as well, or would you easily "see" what they were doing? In other words, would your understanding be more spontaneous in regards to autistic people's actions, than in regards to NTs actions? Or would it be the same, or even vice versa?

The autistic people would have to be similar to me for me to understand them well.
If they were as different from me as an NT or even more different, then I would understand them as poorly as an NT, and an NT may understand them better than me.
For eggsample, I don't understand monologing about one's special interest, and I don't do it, so I don't understand people who do it and find this behavior quite annoying.

I've found that other autistic people have related well to me, but I find it to be like being an ESL student.

"Oh, Jean, you're French? It might be hard for you to understand all the English kids. Hang out with Yan - he's Chinese!"

Of course, Jean and Pablo both speak a little English, but neither speaks the other's language, and so they understand each other less than they would talking to English speakers.

I am understanding of other autistic people, but I don't feel I can understand them perfectly. Sometimes I find it easier to talk to NTs. I will bond with a fellow autist if they are willing to bond with me, but I don't really feel like I can relate to other autists--there's often a difference in personality and interests that is hard to get around.

I can't say that I've ran into too many autistic people though I am hoping to find more and a, even considering going to a local support group for aspies. The few I have encountered, one of them a college friend who is practically on the same beat as myself, are somewhat similar to myself. Of course that's not to say that we are all the same, but does make one wonder about the question originally broached here.

I am also an avid outcast who wears his "eccentric ness", best word I could think of to fit the bill, high and with great pride

I agree. I live in a small community and thus I've haven't met many autistics, diagnosed or otherwise, but the few I have (including a few classically autistic) I've almost immediately understood them. I believe that being in the same social clique (outcast, different, etc) is the first thing because I also feel a certain understanding towards others that have social "stigma" but are not autistic. If you have no commonality it's impossible to bond, being outcast by the prevailing society is a natural bond just as "fitting in" is a natural bond to those that do.

Aside from that I, like the majority of autistics, have no instincts when it comes to normal day to day interaction but I instinctually understand other autistics. That doesn't mean we'll always get along but I do understand their behaviors and quirks because I have several of my own that are similar-- if not, I can empathize because I don't see them as "flaws" like the majority of society, but merely expressions. When you don't have to worry about criticism for natural behavior you feel free and when you feel free it's easier to interact.

I don't meet too many autistic people--but I've met many people who have one "disorder" or other.

I'm almost inclined to believe that "normality" is actually "abnormal."

My criteria, really, is that they don't threaten my livelihood in any way. That's it. Otherwise, I can get along with anybody.

Just don't try to sell my stuff, or introduce other people who do such things into my life.

I don't meet too many autistic people. The leader of my OP class yelled at me today because she thought I wrote something inappropriate and sarcastic on someone's paper. No doubt she'll write it up and try to get me out of her group. I'm not making any excuses but there are those times when things just float out of my mouth, or pen, that I end up regretting later.

Very interesting to hear!

I'm asking in part because the notion that autistic people lack a Theory of Mind (or empathy, or mentalising) as such would predict that it should be particularly hard for inter-autistic understanding and communication. So I wonder if this phenomena suggests that something else is going on entirely. But we really need a controlled study...

Don't believe everything you hear about autism, it's still very poorly understood by the medical community. They're still not even sure how to categorize it (hence the wide/varying diagnostic criteria) and they certainly don't understand the nuances yet. I can tell you from my own experience, and the ancedotal evidence found on this forum that we do in fact have ToM and empathy, it's just expressed differently than the neurotypical expressions. Say we're out searching for mushrooms and our experience is that they're white/grey, and have a stem and a cap. If we use only that criteria we would pass over the truly unique species like Lion's Mane, Latticed Stinkhorn, and Veiled Lady-- all still mushrooms, but they don't fit our narrow criteria. Empathy and ToM are the same-- just because I have a hard time expressing empathy, doesn't mean it's not there.

I attend an adult asperger group twice a month. It is a group of mostly high functioning adults. Some are college students and most of the others are employed and living independently. There is a main core of about 6 of us that have been going to the meetings regularly for the past few years. We are all different and aspergers effects us all in different ways but I think we do have a bond of understanding and acceptance with each other. I do not think the topics we enjoy talking about would interest NTs. Also, our discussions bounce all over the place. We all do fine with our way of talking in our group but I think it would be confusing to NTs. I feel much more comfortable and wanting to engage in this group's conversation opposed to casual chit chat at work.

This is largely my experience as well. I am currently going through diagnosis, which will almost certainly come out as subclinical or BAP (and here I agree with Aristophanes' point about the medical community's flawed understanding of the many nuances of ASD). I volunteer with a similar group twice a month, and find that I naturally fit in with and enjoy the company of the other members far more than I do that of NTs; in fact many of them assume I have AS and am not a volunteer! Being an artist also helps: the autistic and artistic worldview are extremely similar, as I have said numerous times on WP.

I also agree with what EzraS says about Spectrumites being on the same wavelength. I often have a sense of fellow-feeling when I come across people with ASD in various situations. A friend of mine from the social group was in church the other day, and the priest's son (who unbeknown to my friend has AS) came up to him and said: "Have you got Asperger's Syndrome?'

This is not to say that I always like all the autistic people I meet - but I am conscious that, as will@rd says, that we glory in our 'oddness'.