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nerdygirl
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18 Aug 2015, 6:11 am

From everything I have read and observed, physical touch is a very common way people (NTs) connect with each other. Shaking hands, greeting hugs/kisses, slaps on the back, arms around the shoulder, hands on the arms, etc. Not romantic touch, just general stuff.

I am not this way at all. I feel like I have an invisible wall surrounding my body that limits my movements outward towards other people. Very, very few people can enter in through this wall to touch me, only family and very close friends of which I have two currently that are "allowed" in.

Most people don't even TRY to enter this space, so I am wondering if people can "see" the wall. I wonder if I give off some kind of signal that says "don't enter this space."

Do Aspies generally give off this kind of signal? Do you ever want certain people to enter the space but don't know how to communicate that? Do you ever want to reach out and touch certain people but feel paralyzed and your body just WON'T GO?

I do think that physical touch is an important thing, even for Aspies. But, of course, we all have different levels of needing/wanting it and differing criteria for who we will touch or let touch us. I am asking more here about when you WANT to touch or be touched but somehow can't get that to happen.



EzraS
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18 Aug 2015, 6:47 am

I don't like being touched or people standing too close to me.
I'm told that I'm aloof. That I put out body language signals to leave me alone.
That if someone reaches out to me I automatically flinch away.
I only like being touched by my immediate family. Especially comfort torching like rubbing my shoulders. My mom bends her finger and runs her knuckle up and down my spine like when we are in line someplace to soothe me. But I never initiate any touching myself. I prefer to keep my hands to myself.

In some Asian cultures it is or was considered very rude to touch others and that's why there is/was bowing instead of hand shaking.



FallingDownMan
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18 Aug 2015, 12:53 pm

I finally figured out why I don't like human contact. There are times where touch is perfectly acceptable to me, such as touch from close family members. There are other times where I pull back, and resist touch, usually from strangers. The key to my not liking touch is that I don't understand the body language behind the touch, meaning that I don't understand the intent behind it. Even more so is that I don't know how other people around me will interpret that touch. Is it meant as a sign of guidance, a gesture of friendship, an attempt at flirting, and so forth. The better I know a person, the more I understand the intent of the touch.

If I touch somebody, how will that touch be interpreted? Will they understand that I am trying to get their attention, or will they think that I am being aggressive, or will they think that I am trying to flirt with them. I don't know, so I don't touch other people.

I too have been told that I give off a "vibe" that I don't want people to touch me. I think this comes from my lack of understanding the intent of most touching. In my attempts to avoid touching other people my body language apparently says that I don't want to be touched at the same time.


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18 Aug 2015, 1:03 pm

You're right--the role of touch in daily social interaction is underrated.

I, personally, can barely tolerate physical contact from someone I don't know well. This is pretty common among us aspies, I think.


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nerdygirl
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18 Aug 2015, 1:16 pm

FallingDownMan wrote:
I finally figured out why I don't like human contact. There are times where touch is perfectly acceptable to me, such as touch from close family members. There are other times where I pull back, and resist touch, usually from strangers. The key to my not liking touch is that I don't understand the body language behind the touch, meaning that I don't understand the intent behind it. Even more so is that I don't know how other people around me will interpret that touch. Is it meant as a sign of guidance, a gesture of friendship, an attempt at flirting, and so forth. The better I know a person, the more I understand the intent of the touch.

If I touch somebody, how will that touch be interpreted? Will they understand that I am trying to get their attention, or will they think that I am being aggressive, or will they think that I am trying to flirt with them. I don't know, so I don't touch other people.

I too have been told that I give off a "vibe" that I don't want people to touch me. I think this comes from my lack of understanding the intent of most touching. In my attempts to avoid touching other people my body language apparently says that I don't want to be touched at the same time.


This makes so much sense. This explains why I have a hard time touching people even when I *want* to...How will it be interpreted? If I don't know the answer, then I will just refrain. Kind of the same thing as talking. When in doubt, stay quiet. When in doubt, keep my hands to myself.

With the people I know well, I know how "touchy" they are, or I know what is "expected" with greetings, and so I'm OK with that. Then there are other people I know who also seem to have an invisible wall around them, and I can't figure out if touch would be liked or not (even though I know them pretty well), so I err on the side of caution.



teksla
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18 Aug 2015, 3:01 pm

I have, ever since I was a toddler, hated hugs and kisses from others. I now sometimes hug people to show that I like them (although I do not like the hugs) but for me physical touch is only for the people you care about the most. I also hate shaking hands with people. But high fives are okay (although I would prefer to not be touched by strangers).


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Aspie202
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18 Aug 2015, 3:07 pm

Ever since I was 10 1/2, I'd hate being touched. I'd hate it when my mom would kiss me or my dad would try to hug me. I can relate to that.


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