Tunnel vision, dissociation, or just bad memory

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Past few months I've found myself not thinking about things about myself even if asked them directly. The most obvious of these was going to the doctor's office and having him ask about my diet, if I was anything but gluten free, to which, at that point in time, I answered 'No'. That was wrong, but I wasn't lying. I didn't for some reason think that I was also dairy free and largely corn free at that point in time also. I remember saying a sentiment I right now agree with, that I easy as much of everything as I can, because I like food. It was at least an hour later that I realized I had told him something that wasn't true, and that I hadn't the slightest idea that I hadn't told him. And before you say 'oh that's not so bad', my diet is a constant strain on me. I think about food a lot, I wish I could eat food I cannot eat, etc. Like, this is not a question I answered wrong because I just don't care about it.

I've recently thought that I'm pretty schizoid, and being in a forum with other schizoids and hearing their experiences and stuff jives with me. The reason I bring this up is that schizoidness seems to be a form of emotional dissociation. Well, if I emotionally dissociate, it's not that far fetched that I could separate some personality parts of myself from others. I do have some serious mood swings.

But then, of course, I'm here on the ASD forum because I also see that these issues could all possibly be autism too. And it seems like it could fit better, it's certainly a simpler explanation, that I just tunnel focus. And I'd have no idea that I'd be doing it all the time because that's just how I am. But no one tells me I'm really off socially, not when I try to fit in at least. Friends have known me as weird.

At the same time I don't really have a sense of 'oh you are like me' here, not like the SPD forum, even though they claim I'm too emotional over there, which just brings me back to the dissociation and urrrrgggghhhhh. And of course compartmentalization seems to be an aspie thing in general too.

I'm finally getting in to see a psychiatrist, first assessment appointment in a couple of weeks, but I worry it will go like last time where I could not explain myself properly and even when I brought up ASD I couldn't even describe why I thought I had it, and I felt then that I wasn't properly describing myself either. I am going to try and bring in my SO with me to help keep me on track and so I will not be closed off and to help with my memory.

Getting an MRI done in the next month too, going to be looking for MS.

I've just not before seemed to experience such gaps in knowledge about myself. Like, if I do dissociate at all, this could be a good thing because I might actually be seeing it for the first time. But that's not what it feels like, it feels like I'm getting worse mentally.

Well, first-of-all, I'm so terribly sorry that you might have MS----on top of everything, else!

Secondly, I would NOT suggest having your SO go into the therapist, with you----they can sometimes be more of a distraction, and "this" is serious business. Also, with him / her there, you might rely on them, too much, to "give" you the words you need, or whatever----I've done it, myself----but, this is something you need to MAKE yourself do----and, do ALONE, IMO.

Thirdly, I suggest making / keeping a running-list----2 weeks 'til your appointment is a perfect amount of time, for doing this. Several WP members have gotten Tony Attwood's book "The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome" (you can get it, at the library), and gone through it, with a fine-tooth comb, and written-down everything that pertains to them----I think that's a BRILLIANT idea!!

Lastly, you asked if what you're experiencing is "Tunnel Vision", "dissociation", or just "bad memory"..... I'm thinking it's just the mere fact that it is a bit difficult for ANYONE to assess themselves, because you have to, like, be able to step OUT of yourself----if you know what I mean..... So, to answer your question..... It might not be ANY of those things!

The BEST of luck, to you!!

Yeah, you don't know the problems if I have SPD that SPDers have with therapy. It is why its been about 14 years and I've yet to really seek proper psychological help for my problems.

I need to feel safe in order to actually not just be the way I usually am in public and whatnot, where I am not really connected to my internal workings whatsoever. And if I am not connected to what's going on inside of me, I simply am not able to describe my issues because I might not even be aware of them. That's where my SO comes in. I trust him, and because I have that safety net with me, I know that he will not let anything bad happen to me. If I don't have that safety net, I -will not open up-, and the therapist will not be able to help me. There is no doing it alone, because how I am when I am around people is not actually me. Even with just my SO around I have problems connecting to my emotions.

What you described about the doctor seems like a common automatic response that anyone could do anytime, giving the wrong answer to a question about a topic that they care about. It doesn't seem like any abnormal manifestation.