Being misconstrued?

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Okay, so, something in a seperate topic got me thinking about this, as I've a suspicion that this one happens kinda frequently to people here in a general sense (and happened to me a couple of times IRL recently; not pleasant). Not happening on this site, mind you, I mean happening to the people here in general.

Where maybe you talk to someone with good intentions, trying to help or even just ask a question.... but somehow, in some way, it either doesnt come out right, or they dont grasp what you're saying, or.... something. And it just goes wrong from there.

This one, it happens to me alot, not online actually (where it's rare), but OFFLINE, IRL. I dont really understand why... is it my tone of voice? Or something else? Whatever it is, I dont exactly do it intentionally... but yeah, it happens. And it can cause problems, of course.

So, I ask you guys, what do you do when this one happens? What are your thoughts on it in general?

It can be a pretty frustrating experience to be misconstrued.

It's even more frustrating if you're not given a chance to explain yourself.

Noticed. Ugh.

Though, I do think it's somehow even worse when it happens IRL.

Online, you get nothing like a tone of voice or body language or anything like that from the other person... theoretically, it's easier to misconstrue something when it's only being conveyed through mere text. Particularly with people often having radically different typing styles and something. It's sorta inherantly confusing, in a way.

But when it happens IRL, well.... then, it's like, "what the hell just happened? What did I say wrong?" Particularly if you already know that the person in question is normally someone that's pretty rational and generally pleasant, yet a situation occurs ANYWAY, that only occurred at all because they took something the wrong way. And then you just dont know WHY they took it that way, and ya cant fix what you dont understand.... ugh. Well, that's how it's always gone for me, in any case. I do acknowledge that my utter refusal to maintain eye contact with people probably doesnt help.... I wonder if that's the case for any others here? Is it always considered rude by most NTs to not make eye contact? I'm never quite sure how to perceive that bit.

You're right--for the reasons you just mentioned.

Huh.... do people really take eye contact to be THAT important?

I mean, I get that it can bother people a bit if it's not used, since, as I understand it, for many people, particularly NTs, it's instinctive or something. But... I dunno, I never thought it was ever THAT bad not to use it (not that I really have a choice in the matter; like many here, I just cant bring myself to do it). I always figured there had to be more to it when they got offended though.

Ugh, I cant even guess how to fix a problem caused by that. Yeah, I could try to force eye contact for a short time, but all that'd do is make me edgy and agitated, which... probably wouldnt help.

I really hate nonverbal stuff sometimes, when it comes to communication

Though I do wish that when someone I know was getting a bit annoyed with me, that they'd just explain the reason so I know what it is. That'd help. Fortunately though this all is pretty rare with family and close friends, but I DID once lose a longtime friend due to this (someone I'd known since grade school). Just ONE mistake in communication did that. Ugh. Which I suppose is why I find this to be a sensitive issue, now that I think about it.

In real life, even though I often joke around, people know I'm joking due to my smily face and kind voice. So IRL I am rarely misunderstood. But here on WP I found my jokes are likely to be misconstrued as my joking doesn't sound like jokes. I'm so sad….If I ever replied that means I concern OP, I want to give a little help..I always say with a pure good intention. Actually I cannot deal with these feelings of me hurting someone well.

That one I'm kinda familiar with too, though sort of in reverse; IRL, people seem to think I *am* joking when I'm quite bloody serious about something. I'm aware I tend to be constantly sarcastic, but that's not me trying to be funny (usually)... it's just my usual personality. But apparently it comes off as "joking", so much later on when it's referenced, and I get annoyed about it, the person says "wait, I thought you'd been joking about that".

....though the way it goes for you sounds worse, definitely. I wouldnt want to hurt anyone unintentionally either. If I've jumped into a topic (or conversation, IRL), chances are, I'm trying to be helpful, sarcastic or otherwise. It usually works out well enough, but... I imagine it'd be very, very unpleasant if it often DIDNT.

Wouldnt know how to deal with that at all.

The reason this theory does not always hold is the assumption that non verbal equates to 'signal'. Whereas to ND people it could be irrelevant or equate to 'noise'.

Yup, happens to me a lot, and far more IRL than online.

Seems easy to explain actually:
In real life, NTs instinctively react to tone, body language and all that stuff which I don't understand instinctively very well and can't control very well, so I'll get it wrong and however well I try to explain myself afterwards, it doesn't help because instincts are stronger than conscious thinking.
Whereas online, the nonverbal cues are mostly missing, so there's a better chance that NTs will actually concentrate on the verbal content of what I'm saying (though they will still be constantly trying to figure my "standing" in whatever social hierarchy may exist on that particular site - these are instincts after all)

Happened to me a lot on this forum, which I found to be somewhat ironic, and also one of the reasons I started posting a lot less and more troll-like.

Had this both online and in real life and it happens more often with girls. Actually more online, since I interact more online. I've had genuine questions misread as challenging them. Like I might ask something out of curiosity and they take it as me trying to offend them. Still no closer to finding out what I'm doing wrong. Imagine it's to do with tones I'm unintentionally giving out. "It's not what you said, it's how you said it" comes to mind. My wording of things can unintentionally offend people.

It's a serious problem for me. I'd say it happens to me in most interactions with people IRL. But I can't really differentiate the times when my words/actions are misconstrued and the times when people are simply being unkind/nasty because I'm awkward/weird.

I'm extremely nervous around people and I'm often trying hard to keep my voice and body from becoming shaky. The resulting voice and facial expression often seem to be taken as "anger"/"hostility" by some people.

Once people misunderstand and dislike you, you won't even get the chance to explain or show your good intentions. It escalates like a snowball and everything you say/do will always be interpreted negatively. They create a monster out of an innocent person. But that really tells you about them. They are negative people that you might as well keep away from.