unable to connect emotions to events ? need advice!

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I need some feedback on this. I have massive problems with my daily life which are driving me crazy, although my life is actually very void of actual social situations. (on purpose. I'm totally shutting myself away from society because I can't take social interaction).

I believe my problem is that I'm not enough aspie. or not enough NT. I do have sympathy and empathy, but they are defective (but it wont hold them back from ruining my life emotionally every single day.)

Example:

My grandmother called us and said she has severe pain. I started to feel really REALLY awful after 30 minutes. But if you'd ask me "does it matter that your grandma has pain?" I'd probably say "not really. I hope she gets better soon." Or something like that.

I have MASSIVE emotional reactions to everything that happens (and even more so to my own sick OCD like phantasies) but I totally can't make the connection. Most of the time it's someone else who would point out what the reason for my bad mood (mostly agitation and anger and depression) would be. And even THEN, although it most of the time makes perfect sense, I can't make the damn connection in my head. And I suppose without making (feeling?) the connection, I can never solve my possibly mostly psychosomatic problems, and the everyday stress from my phantasies and real life events just add up day after day until I literally die from it.

This is exactly the reason why therapy also doesn't work for me. When I talk about a situation, I can never ever tell the emotion I had at the time. It's just like endless rambling. Also the suggestions of the therapist (or even blatant provocations) would leave me absolutely cold. Or would just make me angry about the therapist because I just think that he is talking random stuff. I don't even spot the provocations. They just sound like crazytalk to me.

Is there a book or something on this? I suppose this not exactly Alexythymia. Or maybe a very severe for of it. I just can't make connection between what happens and the feeling it produces. I don't have trouble naming the emotions. It's very easy in fact: agitation, depression, anger at the same time. I don't really get any other emotions at all ( maybe serenity sometimes. I don't have emotions I can't name, I just don't have the other ones)

Is there a book or something on this? how can I help myself? (therapy is obviously not an option, particularly in Germany with their s***ty docs and therapists)

Thanks for reading,
Omid

When you say that you can't make a connection between what happens and the feeling it produces, do you mean that you can't identify exactly why you are so upset? Or do you feel that your emotions aren't 'appropriate' for the situation (example: when you expect to feel guilt, you feel angry or vice versa).

I personally can relate in the sense that I don't benefit from therapy, and my range of emotions is quite limited even if intense. They also aren't the 'expected' emotional reactions, and the trigger is usually that things "don't feel quite right or JUST SO". After a lot of experience with this, I've come to identify a general pattern, but nothing that determines exactly why it is so hard to let go of certain topics or upsets. For example, I need things to be repeated sometimes endlessly, and it is entirely random at what point I feel OK enough to "stop".

There are some therapists who are less focused on emotions and more focused on taking actions in your life that would improve your life. Maybe you could try some different therapists to see if you can find one of these. I think they are more rare than emotions-focused therapists, but I have met a couple who did help me a lot.

Practice. Whenever you notice that you are experiencing an emotional state, ask yourself why you are in that state. Go back to think about when that state started, and think about what could have happened around you to create that state.

An alternative is to perhaps, when an event happens, try and logically think about how someone else would react, and then make a mental note (or even a physical one) of the event and how you think someone else would feel. Then, the next time you are experiencing an emotion, you can refer back to your list of events.

I'm not a therapist, but I think the only way one can make connections is to, well, try and bring the events together in your head. Try and be as open-minded as possible when doing it, because they will be new connections.

I seem to have similar issues, but not as..explicit? as yours. Feels similar but not the same.

I read half of this book on my kindle Emotionally Dumb: An Overview of Alexithymia.

What I have is absolutely exactly Alexithymia. The book states that 85% of people on ASD have Alexithymia. (along with many people with OCD, PTSD, Eating disorders, Borderline and some other personality disorders etc.)

Now my very serious question (to myself and docs) is: Do I have AS with Alexythymia or maybe JUST Alexythymia. I behave Autistic in many ways and have no Theory of Mind most of the time but I also lack many autistic symptoms like special interests and I do not flap with hands and such that much. I do so in my privacy but among people I can go endlessly without stimming and such so docs wont notice I have stimming problems....