Potential landlord is being.. discriminatory? Very mixed..?

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Wasn't sure where to put this, move it if you need to?

So, I have a different housing situation compared to most people I'm sure. I have a very large family, most of them are accepting people. And we're fairly open to sharing our concerns and feelings.. just how the family brought us up.

I spoke to several people recently about not only gender identity but also my realization of possibly being autistic and thinking of getting evaluated.

And I guess word travels quite quickly, because my new (potential, now) landlord came to find out that I like using Al as my name (which she doesnt agree with, as 'its a mans name'.. which, isnt really the intention) and that I thought I could be autistic. She's a family friend, technically, I don't personally know her and I'm naturally critical of people/aloof. I like to determine whether or not people are worth my time and energy, as I have so little of both. And she was okay, up until now. She would always complain about other people (and I'm sure about me), which I can handle that.. because I particularly hardly share views with other people.

She started off saying that I couldn't possibly be autistic, put me on the spot to 'explain' why exactly I could even think I was. I'm not good with that and I wasn't sure what she wanted to hear? So I said a few things that I thought maybe she had noticed.. And then she interrupted me and listed off reasons why I couldn't be (she's only seen me like five times) and suggested that perhaps it was dementia (I kid you not) instead, and she offered that everyone was always a little odd. And that God will provide and that it doesn't matter how other people think of me, all that matters is God. And that just because I don't have friends or do well in conversations doesn't mean I am autistic. She wouldn't stand to listen to what I had to say, she kept stating things that just didn't make sense. So I treated her with as much disrespect as she gave me, I turned around and left the house without a word. She just laughed at me..

Later she suggested that I shouldn't rent there (when I corrected her on my name).. because of the potential issues she thinks she (she said 'we') will have. But then she acted as if everything was okay after that.. She's sending me so many mixed signals, I don't know how to feel or what to do? How to react, what to say..

One part of the battle is.. if I don't rent there, I won't have a place to live. Again.
I've been homeless since my 19th birthday up until this past year, and I'm in even a deeper hole this time around because of things that happened.. I'm really tired of not having a secure place to live.

The other part of the battle, I told myself I would never let anyone treat me like how she's already treated me. I feel like I'm just offering myself to be tossed around and beaten like I was with my mother.

I'm not sure if I should go there, she's continuously offered free rent on multiple occasions (which I don't understand and wouldn't accept the offer) and other times she's like 'I can't charge anything lower than 500 a month', then she'll turn around and say 'you go ahead and take your time, move in now if you want!'.. but in the same breath she'll condemn someone for taking so long, or making her wait.. or even just saying that no one ever helps her (despite offering to help her on more than one occasion for a multitude of things?).

I don't know what to do.. I'm not sure if she's drawing up a lease or not, but I really, really hope she is. Because then I'd actually be protected at least a little?

Aren't there other places to rent? The last thing you want is a problematic landlord.

Places to rent are never so cheap, this is 500 a month and electricity pay as you go (its a studio, so its like maybe 30 a month with my usage history..).. heating is like 400 a year, paid in november... I'd be the only person living there, no neighbors. I'd be alone, I'd be able to indulge in having gardens and pets/livestock. I don't perform well in life under stress at home, I dropped out of college the first time due to that issue..

I only work part time and I maybe gross like 900 usd a month, most single person places are between 700 to 1000 a month in my state.. and don't include utilities at all.

I was hoping to go back to college, but I'm not ready yet.. I don't really have anywhere else to go, my father won't let me (he wont give me a definitive reason, its his home so I guess that's reason enough?) and my mother is homeless (not that I'd want to live with her ever again).

I could probably try my father again.. but I know I stress him out enough already. I mean, I'd offer him rent and I wouldn't be bothersome nor destructive.. He knows that already, but I just don't know why he doesn't want to let me go back home..

A landlord should not be involved this much in your life or have so many opinions about your private life. So long as you're quiet, keep the place clean, don't damage anything, and pay on time, you should hardly ever have to hear from her. I agree with Alex: the last thing you need is an opinionated and judgmental landlord.

A bad landlord can trump everything else in making your life hell. She sounds irrational.

If the price is right, and there are no other options, I would take this place and let her have her opinion, whatever she wants to think. Hopefully, you can relax and feel secure at this place and work on getting where you want to go in life, that is worth taking some crap from the landlord.

Stay away from her. If you are desperate, rent for a short time, while looking for something else. Do as Molly Troubletail suggests - and be out of there as quickly as possible.

THough it's awful to pass up a deal where everything else will be highly suitable for you, I would say leave this one alone, because even when everything else is right about a place to live, if the landlord or anyone else involved with the place is a pain in the you-know-what, your life can feel like hell.

I'm in that situation now. My place WOULD be perfect, except that not only the people who hands-on manage it but also their staff -- who happen to live onsite also -- are in my face all the time. You wouldn't think they should be in your life as much as that -- yet sometimes....they are.

Try to avoid this situation if there are any alternatives at all. I''m longing to get out of my similar situation as it's killing my emotional health.

That's my thoughts as well. I'm a landlord myself. I would never think to involve myself in my tenant's life to the extent that OP's landlord is involving in theirs. Forget the cheap rent. It's not worth it. Find somewhere else to live.

It's true that normally you should hardly ever have to hear from a landlord; that's the ideal situation and it's what normally happens in most rental situations.

But going by what the OP says, this landlady is a bit different in that she seems to be some kind of friend of the family also.

That seems to make this particular woman appear to think -- mistakenly, I might emphasize -- that there are fewer social boundaries with the OP than there would normally be with a tenant or potential tenant who is a complete stranger coming in.

Best to avoid renting with this woman, who is already crossing lines even friends shouldn't cross, with her pooh-poohing of your thoughts on your possible autism, which would be a "cheek" even from your nearest and dearest.

If you move in there, she would find a way never to be out of your face, since she thinks this is a family friend deal.

Well, thank you for all of you replying. I really have until end of this month to really decide and it seems that this is a month to month rent deal.. I'm still very undecided, because it really sort of is the perfect place for me aside from the landlord.

I usually go up to the property two days out of the week to clean the barn and such, I'll see how I'm reacted to again tomorrow.. Go from there.. I mean, she speaks poorly of my father from time to time (which I don't think she should be.. My father has done many things to help her in the past..) so that should have been one warning sign of many. I guess I have no real common sense to detach myself from situations of giving people the benefit of the doubt before its too late.

I wish I could afford other places to live that were not with roommates, or in a multi-person building. I'm just not comfortable with it, hearing another person moving around in a house honestly sort of bothers me even now.

Speaking poorly to you about your father is downright disrespectful. It´s poison. You could tell her: "If you have issues with my father, I think, you should take it up with him personally" and refuse to hear her out, if she insists.
Don´t be too nice about giving her the benefit of the doubt. You can end up between two nails.

Having a bad landlord is probably the worst thing you can do to yourself, its an awful way to have to live. Do you live together? I wouldn't even talk to her. No need to volunteer any information to people that don't need it or have a proper understanding of it. Take the free/cheap rent as long as you can and keep an eye out for a place more suitable for you.

If you do rent with her, read the contract carefully and make sure you're good with what it says. This lady sounds like she has problems, and I think you can expect trouble from her.

She appears to have serious personality problems. Just keep your distance and avoid talking to her as much as possible. Give her no opportunity to bad-mouth you or your father; walk away without saying anything if it happens again that she crosses that line. She seems to think that as a family "friend" she can do and say as she likes. What a miserable piece of work she sounds!