Not invited

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Recently, one of my course mates held a cupcake-decorating party at her house. I'm not close with this girl, but we hang out with the same group of people. However, I felt terribly left out when she asked one of my closer "friends", right in front of me, if she was going to this thing, to which I wasn't invited. The reason for me feeling this excluded is that she invited everyone in my group of "friends", except for me, even if they weren't all that close with her.
What's bothering me the most is that none of my "friends" seemed to care. They kept talking about the event in front of me without explicitly mentioning it, like I was stupid? The day of the party I was unusually silent, so one of them asked me if I was allright, then right before they were supposed to leave they said "We're so sorry you're not invited". By that point I was feeling like I was about to cry, so I practically ran away without a word. After the party, one of them asked me if I was angry at them, and I didn't know what to say. I really thought they would defend me. That they would care if I wasn't there. But the funny thing is that I'm really angry at myself, for believing that I was starting to fit in and I could be the type of person whogets invited to this sort social gathering. I've been trying really hard not to act weird and not to be bitter like I was in high school with the new people in uni, but it seems like I'm still the only one to be left out.
I'm definitely ovverreacting, but I really don't feel like trying anymore. I don't feel like listening to their bubbly small talk all day, listening and giving feedback to their sentimental problems, not being able to talk about what I'm really interested in because it's weird, not being able to have a bad day or spend some time by myself because that would seem antisocial, and still be considered superfluous.

What horrible people! I understand the hurt you are feeling. You don't need to hang out with such people. They obviously don't care about how you feel. People who are capable of treating you in that way are not your friends. You shouldn't let how other people treat you influence your self-worth. You will find better people to hang out with.

I think you should stop trying to fit in with people who still leave you out of their group.
Even if they include you, the person they included is not really you, if you are faking something you are not.

Easier said than done when people keep beating you down....I am quite familiar with that issue, try not letting how other people treat you effect your self worth when said people treat you like crap over many years and I guarantee it would have some effect. Though I would question that the are real 'friends' I mean almost sounds like they where being kinda snarky when the said 'oh sorry you're not invited'(as if its set in stone you can't be invited just because you were't initially). I mean if the where friends they would have some real reason why you're not invited like it was pre-planned and not enough room or something like that....or upon realizing your interest to join the activity extend the invitation.

Exactly. It wasn't their party, but it's not like it would have been that hard for them to talk to the host about it.

Precisely...I mean there have been times in my circle of friends/acquaintances I am not invited to something I probably would want to be part of if I was. But in those cases its usually they are going to see someone I don't really know who doesn't want people they don't know tagging along, or its some party where like some of them are exclusively invited but not the whole group. But I could not see them talking about some fun thing they are all going to do in front of me....then rubbing it in with 'sorry you aren't invited'...Or there are times they are doing something and I would rather just relax so I turn them down.

Anyways sorry you had to deal with that....those kinds of incidents really bother me to, I have had ls of insistence of being willfully left out since I was a kid and it does hurt. Are there any clubs/groups you could join at your college pertaining to some topic of interest? You might have a chance at meeting better friends through something like that since there's a common interest to start off with. Also one thing I've made the mistake of is trusting people too much, so now I try and keep people at more of a distance until I really know them....but hard to find the balance when you're used to being left out or picked on so you really want to jump in and have friends first chance you get because of not having that before, but then can also be easy to trust people too much up front and assume they'll reciprocate the desire to be a good friend.

Go up to her and ask why you aren't invited, try and get her to think you should be invited but if she doesn't then drop her and the others cos they're worth nothing.

I guess the issue really is me being too open and trusting (who would have thought) compared to other people. Last week it was my birthday, and I was perfectly fine with my sister and one of my friends bringing their new significant others, whom I had never met before, to the little picnic I organized.
There doesn't seem to be anyone interesting in my course, but fortunately I have two good friends from high school, so if I decide to cut ties I won't be completely alone.

You know, she isn't who hurt me the most. I can understand how she could forget about me, but not the people I spend 4-7 hrs every day with...

Just prove them wrong by being the best doctor you could be. As you get older, things will get better

Have a cupcake party and don't invite her.

The deal is your friends are idiots for talking this party up.

You said you aren't close. Maybe those friends have an entirely different relationship with cupcake person. You don't know. I have a feeling there is a lot more going on behind the scenes. This isn't grade school were the whole class is invited. The adult world sucks like that.

I would not ask the host "why". You can get everything from some half ass lie to an out right, "I just don't like you".

I would also question how much "friend" are your friends. I have a feeling they like to hang out when there is nothing going on, but when something more desirable happens, you get dusted. Just because you are with them 7 hours a day means nothing. I can be polite and friendly to co workers, but not want to see them outside of work.

Sorry you have to deal with this.

Once you've calmed down and accepted the situation for what it is, with a clear mind you can use it as a learning opportunity.

Talk to your closest friends in the circle and ask them why you weren't invited. Ask them for specifics about your personality or behaviour etc. Listen to their replies and accept their observations for what they are. You might learn some things that you can consciously try to do differently in order to fit in better and be accepted by others.

IMO, chances are the things they will tell you will be a laundry list of ASD symptoms. Some may be beyond your control, but others you may be able to work on and improve.

I'm not going to tell you to work on anything because you shouldn't have to in such a situation. I've seen your posts, no doubt in my mind you work plenty hard. Snubbing someone over cupcakes is like "weaponizing a wind farm"!

I disagree with this post.

There is a reason(s) you weren't invited. Ignoring it won't change that. Learning what it is/they are will enable you to practice interacting with others in ways that will make you better accepted by your peers. Getting frustrated and doing nothing different will get you more of the same - which it doesn't sound like that's what the OP wants.

It's not cupcakes. It could have been drinks, a movie, a going away party - any social function - and chances are the OP wouldn't have been invited for the same reason(s) she wasn't invited to this one.. as how you do anything is how you do everything. If the OP wants to be included, the OP needs to learn why she wasn't and then figure out what she can do in order to be included. It's not rocket surgery stuff here... just not intuitive for the very-Aspie.

Aside: I'm not bragging. Don't take it that way. It's simply a matter of fact. Since learning how to treat my AS symptoms I've been much more intuitively socially connected and included with things than ever. With long time friends, family, and also new coworkers. Over the past week or so I attended FIVE different birthday parties. Some of them a little more elaborate, others just a few people having a drink after work. But it was FIVE in 7 or 8 days. I've also been offered more jobs/contracts etc than I can possibly commit my time to and have the luxury of turning down undesirable or not lucrative enough work.

We can't change everyone around us to suit ourselves.. but we CAN change ourselves to fit in better with everyone around us. From my experience, both socially & in work, this is absolutely true:

They might not even have a reason if you ask them, they might not know the answer besides something like 'you're creepy'. I wouldn't consider them your friends anymore. I think it's alright to stay acquaintances though.

I am generally not invited to more serious social things even though I might interact just fine with people at work some other place. There will usually be a point in a relationship where it is understood that you are both friends enough with each that you will be able to let down your guard and 'be yourself' so-to-speak. It sounds like you never have actually let your guard down. They probably sense that you haven't and they would then easily assume that you weren't really interested in being with them. Or maybe they're just as*holes.

I have never and will never consider friendship as something that I could have with most people if I just acted right. Well, I might be able to, but I don't want that friendship, that would be extremely tiring for no gain besides insight into people I dislike.

Like, asking them is only useful if you find someone who will be honest and blunt with you, and only as an indication of what other people see you as. But to keep banging on a door that doesn't want to open for you is just awkward.

Anyways, I'm fine with almost always being just on the fringes of a socialness. I don't trust most people to treat me properly or to understand things I say; I pay pretty close attention to how people talk or don't talk about others, how they act in some situations, things like that, before I would even consider breaking the 'acquaintance' line. Even when I find people who I think I might enjoy being friends with, it's still hard because I then have to commit time and energy to these people, when all my time and energy feels like it's already stretched thin just to keep doing what I do now. To add something to that, another thing to do, is overwhelming.