Repetition and bonding

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I think a big part of how people bond with each other is through repetition. People talk about the same things over and over, do the same activities over and over, and revisit the same memories.

I notice when I start to feel like I might have a bond with someone, it's because there's some repetition going on in how we engage each other. And sometimes that is okay, it becomes comforting and familiar.

But sometimes I find it really suffocating. Like where other people seem to be enjoying doing the same things together as a ritual, it feels like a circle is closing in around me and I want to escape from it.

Say for instance, getting together with the same group of friends every Friday night would just drive me insane. I also realized years ago that I can't stand to work with the same group of people every day.

I'm not even sure if certain social activities really bother me in and of themselves, if it was just one time only, maybe it's just the repetition that gets to me. Does anyone else relate to this?

And do you think other people have those feelings (and hide it) or do they genuinely enjoy the rituals they do together?

I mean I have seen people talk about how they have the same gatherings with their friends or family every week/month/year (ie "Every summer we go to Boring and Hot as Hell Beach for our vacation and rent the same cottage" or "We get together to watch all the away football games at Super Snobby Sports Bar over on Dickhead street"), and they come off sounding so proud and smug about it. It just baffles me.

You are a novelty seeker and they are not. This will affect how you bond with someone I suppose?

I...think I might know the feeling you are describing, being suffocated in social situations because they are repetitive. But I can feel that way in regards to anything. Life in general.

Reliving the 'good old times' is a way of a group of recalling pleasant memories they had together, which elicits good emotions again. If it doesn't elicit those emotions, it becomes tedious.
Often things like weekly meetings with the same people only work because those 2 people are actually quite busy with their lives a lot of the time, and they can discuss new happenings in their lives.

I just don't do well revisiting memories, I don't have that emotional response that other people do, so it is boring to me.

I tend to bond with certain people because that certain person has a similar philosophy of life to me.

This makes sense.
I don't think repetition in and of itself has much to do with it, but bonding is more a product of the duration of time spent doing things together.

I suspect that people repeat certain things such as renting a house at a beach or going to a sports bar to watch a game together because they enjoyed doing it in the past and think there is a high probability that they will enjoy doing it again, not for the sake of repetition itself.

I know that I often do things by myself because I have enjoyed doing them in the past and expect that I will enjoy doing them again in the future. Sometimes I try to get people who I think might share my enjoyment of those things to do them with me.

I don't know...am I? In some ways, I guess I am.

When I figured out I have ADHD, it was because I read a magazine article written by a woman who had been diagnosed as an adult. One of the things I really identified with, she was a singer and wrote that it was difficult for her to perform the same songs over and over again with her band because it bored her.

When it comes to people, and doing things with people, I don't know if I am a novelty seeker. It would seem like I'm the opposite, I like to stick with what is familiar. I just don't like it when it begins to feel "routine." I know this probably sounds contradictory and I'm not sure how to explain the difference.

In the routine thread I initially said I break routine all the time. Then after reading about some other people's routines, I found that I have small routines that I follow pretty much the exact same way.

What you say makes perfect sense to me.