I think my father has Asperger's Syndrome
I am 34 years old. The first time I heard about Asperger's Syndrome was last Thursday. I watched Larry King's show on autism on Wednesday night. I was interested in the topic and did some research online. I came across a page discussing the symptoms of Asperger's Syndrome. After I read the first three or four symptoms, I thought "This sounds just like my dad." My dad is 64 years old. We have always described him as eccentric. He loves computers, computer programming and mathematics. He is extremely intelligent - he makes up his own math problems just so he can solve them. He was always very interested in individual sports like running, swimming, and biking. He has poor social skills. It is very difficult to talk to him. And when you do talk to him he discusses obscure facts about things that are likely of no interest to anybody other than him. He doesn't like to make eye contact with others. People often think that he is odd or rude or doesn't like them because of his behavior. He has very few friends. He has difficulty expressing himself and his feelings. He didn't have much physical contact with me as a child and when he hugs me now he just hits my back. I can go on and on but basically he fits almost all of the symptoms and descriptions that I read on the web.
I discussed this with my mother and we are almost convinced that he has Asperger's. It explains so much. All along I just thought that he was acting up and could control his behavior. I see him in a totally different light now.
I have a 6 month old son and I wonder if he will develop the same symptoms.
I'm interested in what others have to say about this.
Thanks for your time.
It's an amazing thing to figure all this out about your Dad, isn't it?
Five years ago when we were just discovering this about our (now) ten year old, reading about all the symptoms made me realize that my (then) fourteen year old also had Asperger's, and I was SURE that my Dad had it. My Dad is a classic example, although he wasn't as gifted in Math as your Dad, but he was a civil engineer, didn't do very well socially (although he's improved over the years), and has been difficult to understand. He would never admit that he has Asperger's, but I think we all kind of "know."
It does do wonders for your ability to be empathetic to unusual behavior, having this knowledge that it is something that can't be "helped."
Kris
isn't it amazing when you see these things? I saw things like this about my Dad-his lack of social skills, his intense interest in his obscure hobbies, his obsessionn with routine, his reaction when his plans have something happen to them to delay/change them. I was scared to tell my Mum but I was showing her some stuff about AS and she said "that's your Dad."
Don't try and forceyour opinions on him if he doesn't want to know/ I found my DX a relief but not everyone would look at it that way. Iwaould say that YOU knowng will be a help, to understand why he is sometmes 'different' and maybe it will help him because you can make subtle allowences for otherwise un-understandable things about him.
JulieArticuno
Thank you for your responses. It is amazing. My mom and I aren't sure if we will discuss it with him. I tend to think that he will not agree with us. I think we should keep it to ourselves.
A few more anecdotes:
He is obsessed with ice boating. He researches and discusses it ad nauseam. He is always writing notes and designing new boats, sails, etc. He has a very detailed list of all of his equipment and precisely where it is stored.
He can't stand wearing turtlenecks or ties. He wears clip on ties to work because he doesn't like having anything tight around his neck. And his pants are always 2 sizes too big because he doesn't like anything tight around his waist.
I am filled with so many emotions right now!
Wellen, my dad was the same. An executive engineer at Xerox, LOVED his blueprints, very analytical in his thinking, few friends, blunt to the point of rudeness, but VERY funny, extremely loyal, many odd habits, non-demonstrative with his emotions. He passed away at an early age back in '81, but damn if he wasn't a total Aspie. My nutty mother, when they were married (they divorced when I was twelve), would always insult him and complain about his "coldness," and call him "gay" (he wasn't, as far as I know).
One story that makes me laugh to this day is when he and my mother went to a wedding, and he'd had a bit too much to drink, and when introduced to the groom's sister, he said to her, "Has anyone ever told you that you resemble Frankenstein?"
Congratulations on your new found insight on your Dad!
I had similar emotions when my son was dx'd with AS five years ago. I had never heard of Aspergers, but after my son was dx'd, all of my Dad's odd behaviors suddenly made sense. I, too, had always thought of my Dad as 'eccentric.' He had friends, but they were always distant. He was constantly inventing some new gadget. He was a genius, but couldn't keep a job to save his life. He never understood people and why they did the things they did. He often found himself being hurt by someone's actions. He wrote a lot about the things that confused him the most. All of his troubles led to alcohol and drug abuse, and later an untimely death. I wish he was still here...I miss him terribly. He's been gone now for 18 years.
Wellen~
The great thing about knowing my son has AS is that I can utilize all the things I know about my father's experiences and put that knowledge to use in helping my son learn how to deal with his challenges. I have seen my son's future (or what it could be) through my Dad's past. My Dad had a hard life...my grandfather never understood his son and was excessively hard on him. I can't fault my grandfather...he had no idea why my Dad was the way he was.
I don't want my son to experience the same strife my father endured. We do a lot to help him with social skills, celebrate his strengths, and push him in his week areas. My son is so much like the grandfather he never met. I think they would be best buds, if my Dad was still here.
_________________
A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
I'm convinced that my dad was an Aspie, and the problems he had as a result of that are what led him to suicide. That was about 16 years ago, when I was 14 and he was 42. I just learned about AS a few months ago and my research led to my conclusion that I'm an Aspie (no doubt about it!) and that my 2 older brothers also have Aspie traits (but probably aren't full-blown Aspies). Unfortunately I don't remember much about my dad since he's been dead for more than half my life, but what I do remember leads me to believe that he was an Aspie. I've had almost no contact with my family in the last 5 years because I just couldn't deal with them. AS explains so much about the dysfunctionality of my family and I'm trying to talk myself into contacting them to discuss my suspicions. I just don't know what kind of response I'll get or if I'll be able to deal with it.
A few more anecdotes:
He is obsessed with ice boating. He researches and discusses it ad nauseam. He is always writing notes and designing new boats, sails, etc. He has a very detailed list of all of his equipment and precisely where it is stored.
He can't stand wearing turtlenecks or ties. He wears clip on ties to work because he doesn't like having anything tight around his neck. And his pants are always 2 sizes too big because he doesn't like anything tight around his waist.
I am filled with so many emotions right now!
You never know, he might find the knowledge interesting and useful if he likes analysis. There are always subtle ways to get him interested in researching it, I am sure.
_________________
I am diagnosed as a human being.
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