Can I be on the spectrum if...

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...I don't have problems with socializing when I bother doing it?

It seems that way. Autism symptomology does not seem to be an all-or-nothing situation. You may not be socially awkward, but still have an ASD due to other factors.

In other words, "It's Complicated".

-IF- I am on the spectrum, I would say that my ability to be alright socially comes from separating most of my internal thoughts and emotions from anything that involves not being alone. I dissociate. I am horrible emotionally, all or nothing. I allow myself emotions when I am alone. Lately I've been trying to get rid of this barrier/dissociation, (being unable to be emotional with my partner in person is highly unideal) and it's not going well. I get overwhelmed, I have outbursts, I become agitated then go and be alone, I take forever to describe something, I am stimming a lot more, my ASD partner finds that he relates to things I say about myself when I manage to talk about them...

There's the possibility though that I just didn't ever learn to control my emotions properly as a child not due to having weird brain wiring but simply because I dissociated instead. Maybe anyone who dissociates from their emotions for most of their lives and then tries to experience them when not being alone will go through the same thing simply because they never had to do it and now, when trying to, they are as childish as I am about it.

That said though, if, for people who experience sensory overload in non-emotional senses, if you could somehow shut out one or 2 of your senses at will, the world might become a lot easier of a place for you. Emotions are a sense that one's own body creates, and I think I learned to shut them off, largely.

I don't have the link to the research (I'm a work and supposed to be working) but I recall seeing stuff in the past that says survivors of childhood trauma can look a lot like people on the spectrum in many ways.

My mom (and most of her family) has PTSD from childhood abuse and I'm on the spectrum. We are a lot alike in some ways we are dysfunctional -- like the ones you're describing.

(But without the literature to back it up this is just me, random Internet person, speculating.)

I would be inclined to say probably not. Two of the hallmark traits necessary for diagnosis include "significant impairment in social interaction and communication". If you can do those things, it's unlikely you have autism.

Le this.

Autism is primarily a social impairment, at least in an NT world. I vouch against the idea that the hallmark symptom of autism is anything but that, including hypersensitivity.

You can have autistic traits without being on the spectrum. A label is unnecessary to describe such traits, though if you feel you need to identify with such traits specifically, perhaps you could consider yourself being under the Broad Autism Phenotype.

If I don't know or understand something enough to communicate it properly, even if it appears like I am effectively communicating it, or if I can only communicate it after pondering it for hours, that is still a problem with communication.

I seriously doubt that someone who is autistic to the point of measuring as mentally ret*d only has problems with communication and socialization.

My own dad was non verbal until 5, was a professor, so he obviously can communicate and he obviously found a wife and had kids too. Yet if he had been born in 1990, he would absolutely have been diagnosed with autism if only due to the language delay.

Inability to be social is an impairment, the reason for the inability to be social clearly has roots that span across the entire mind.

I am not interested in hallmark symptoms, I am interested in explanations as to why.

I have not suffered knowingly from anything that anyone would call childhood trauma. I didn't have a great childhood, but it seems pretty standard. And I know that people who come from abusive pasts often don't realize what abuse is because that's just what they know. But that is not me. Unless you buy into the refrigerator mom theory that still exists for any personality disorder (which is that as an infant I did not receive proper care) and that is now rejected for autism.

I have autistic traits and behaviours that come close to the symptomatology, but I'm not autistic. I doubt I'm BAP, given that nobody in my family had autism, however both sides of my family have possessed autistic traits.

My high school counselor once told me that if I were to have children they would very likely not be typical given my disorders and family history, though I have no idea to what extent that holds merit.

People with autism do have struggles other than the social issues, however they remain the staple of the condition. You can't be autistic and for your whole life have had little difficulty socializing unless what you're doing is entirely artificial (i.e. scripting), in which case you do struggle with social interaction but don't realize it.

Personally I´ve been using scripting and intellectual understanding of psychological mechanisms, - and have been highly surprised, whenever I actually had a spontaneous empatic reaction, I didn´t doubt myself.
I can easily speak to anyone and I was a real chatterbox as a kid, but also rather secluded.
If I know my subject, I can speak to a large audience without fear (discovered at university).
I can be social, but I need breaks and a lot of alone time. I can go days without contact and I like to work alone. I have moderate AS.

Someone, I know, is diagnosed with AS close to infantile autism and she craves company. She´s very open and smiling and loves to socialize. She is far more social, than I ever was - and better at sensing, what is going on.
She has studied at business school and university. She is a good speaker and has a talent and enthusiasm for organizing events and for running groups. But she needs an advisor at home.

There is no stereotyped truth about this.

I would look into getting tested. Maybe you have problems with communication and socialization that you aren't even aware of. During testing, they observe you and look for things like eye contact, posture, and use of gestures. Those are things that are so habitual to you that you might not be cognizant of them even if they are not considered normal.

The problem is that I am not cognizant of what it is like to be normal. I can act like one thing but not be that thing, why would I assume that anyone else is different than that and why would I not be able to act appropriately?

There is more too it than that. But there are people on he spectrum who do know how to socialize but just don't really care to. I'm one of them.

When I was younger, I figured that I could be successful at socializing if I could get others to carry the conversation. And, all I had to do was say “uh huh” and ask questions (to fill the silence). When I became an adult, I soon realized that others expected me to actually participate and at times “carry” a conversation.

Unfortunately, this is a skill I never mastered. I always figured that it was because I could never think of something relevant or interesting to say. Or, because my interests are so different than others. I just never understood how people could so easily “free-associate” from topic to topic to topic.


From my perspective, the impairment in social interaction is simply the symptom that is most visible/obvious to NTs.

I used to know a girl who I was very sure she was an Aspie, but she still seemed to make friends better than I did. She wouldn't join in conversations unless it was about something she was interested in, and had some other socially awkward traits too, but somehow she still fitted in better than me. I was a very nice child and would do anything to help others, and I wasn't too honest or blunt, I knew how to avoid hurting others emotionally. But I suppose I was too annoying to be around and sometimes a bit clingy too. This girl wasn't, she was more serious and didn't get too attached to people, which is best for Aspies to not get too attached because we seem to get rejected more.

A bit more about myself and experiences that I feel might pertain to this topic that another topic sparked, about going to the doctor.

Like, I am programmed to answer certain ways about things about myself when talking about it in person. Don't go into too much detail. So if the doctor is affable, it can actually feel more like a regular conversation, and I might not go into details. I don't have any close friends that I talk to really anymore, so I don't even have a 'this is what you say to friends' thing to say to get more information across. To answer truthfully, I need to stop and think for a moment about it before answering, and try to access enough information, but I'm never even sure if I'm accessing enough because I know I feel very differently about how much something affects me depending upon the state of mind I am in. Also because when I talk regularly in everyday life, I do not access me generally, I access what I've already made a buffer of or something, it's already been put there. It's like asking me to do deep thinking on the spot, when I only do deep thinking when I'm alone or when I was in school, during all the downtime in class.

The downside to having an excellent buffer and 'outer self(ves)' is that I have so very little practice when I'm in a situation where that doesn't apply; granted, most situations it's not so bad to figure out; don't talk about yourself much, easy rule. I also generally don't debate in person anymore, although I love doing it online. (argue, whatever). Its just only when I *must* 'be myself' where I cannot rely on a stock 'mode' for interaction, and it takes forever to say anything. It's only become worse as I find myself not really building friendships for years now, (multiple reasons), so I don't have any sort of practice just with general friends. I have lots of customer service interactions, but that again is a very different situation. I feel that I am rather good at acting appropriately for situations, as long as, again, I am not put on the spot, have some sort of abnormal situation crop up out of nowhere, or I don't have to talk about myself.

There's plenty of unconscious things going on in my mind when I interact with people; that's how I interact. I don't tell myself consciously 'self, you are a store owner right now' or 'you are ordering food right now'. But as soon as it comes to talking about me, it's like my brain is fishing in a pond for a specific fish. Also doesn't help that I feel like talking about myself feels very intrusive if it's done on the spot, and I have to deal with 'how much do I tell this person' and 'can I say that?' even when 'that' is something vague that I might not even be able to put into words.

I also don't understand people who are knowingly as*holes. The amount of social pressure I feel to act appropriately, in the sense of not hurting someone at least, is huge. I am one of those 'yes' people, even when my entire insides are screaming 'don't say yes, you really, really, really don't want to do that', if there is a social pressure on me. The thought of knowingly acting in a way that someone would perceive as being a jerk, even towards someone who is being a jerk, (in-person at least) is something I just would never do. I have a strong compulsion to follow social etiquette, when I know that etiquette, generally.

Sometimes I'll knowingly break it when I don't see it as causing harm and it's something that just pops into my head to say, and I sometimes like it when people are like 'you didn't just say that!', as long as whatever I did I had confidence when I did it. Like talking about farts or something else gauche. With friends or sometimes acquaintances, I'm just like 'well, why aren't we talking about something like this? What's so wrong with mentioning it?' Taboo topics of conversation don't make sense to me as long as someone isn't going to become emotional about it, like get personally offended by it. I find most conversation that people like having exceedingly dull, blah blah baby took first steps (no s**t, they're learning to walk, didn't see that one coming), blah blah work that. Or else it's malicious (talking about other people judgementally, which I do actually find interesting to hear even if often infuriating.) Actually talking about things that I don't know things about, that's interesting.

When I was in grade 5 who I considered my best friend said I was too clingy and explicitly told me that she didn't want to be friends anymore. I was devastated. I lost pretty much all my other friends at the same time, as it was a group of them whom I got into the group through that one girl. My older sister I was always clingy with too. I think if I find someone I like being around, I will automatically be clingy. Except that now, I doubt I would ever be clingy with someone who would reject me, too cautious (and solitary) for that.
Like, my partners, I could have spent 90% of my time with them and I would be more than happy with that situation. None of the standard 'if we spend too much time together it's not good' stuff that other people talk about. I had a boyfriend I felt like that with once, and it wasn't a very good relationship.