How do you keep eye contact when it's unappealing?

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Hello there. I'm sidetrack. This is my first posting and while I'll eventually get around to being on this forum (I'm currently doing continuing education/"summer school" courses at a community college), I'm sorry if this comes off as abrupt but I'd like to put up a posting about something related to body language which I'll say right now,the way I'm going to say things might come of as contentious and/or shallow or "rude".
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At 24 years old,I've yet to have a good grasp of body language. I was working on it, having taken out a book on the topic but the CE courses I'm taking are more urgent concerns to me, as both to my surprise will end in late June not unlike when grade schoolers have summer break.

When it comes to my own body language what has helped is me having recently taken up the habit of vlogging for myself on my mobile device,a change from the "audio logs" and journaling I do,I'm starting to get a better realization of my own body language,my tics and facial expressions.

However eye contact has never been one of my stronger suites and while I am in some amount more comfortable around ppl than say a decade ago,I notice that ppl who are "unattractive" or "perceptually unsatisfying" (.i.e. "ugly") I have a tendency to be more inclined to more quickly break eye contact; hardly a position to take from someone who's homely himself "-_- but I'm sorry that how it's like for me.

I'll admit that when it comes to women who are not unattractive I'm less likely to break eye contact but I do get antsy-ish if it's a woman who I think is attractive,I might get a bit fidgety so that they won't be able to come on to how the way I'm looking at them (with unbroken,consistent eye contact) is b/c I think there "perceptually satisfying" and not just me in an attempt to try to maintain regular eye contact.

Beside the point: the above paragraph probably has application to someone who I knew and liked in high school who goes here now.

I guess what I'm asking for is help/advice on how to maintain better eye contact particularly when there's factors involved which might be "added disqualifiers" for me personally, as subjective as it is I know -~- .

My greetings and thank to any and all, on my first time here

I don't do eye contact. It physically hurts, kind of like having a really bright light shone in my eyes. What I do instead is kind of stare at the person's mouth, or look through them, so they think I'm looking at them. Eye contact bugs me so much sometimes I can't stand seeing pictures of people in magazines looking straight at the camera.
I've noticed that with people I'm comfortable with, such as my mom, it's easier to look at their eyes a little. Maybe you feel more comfortable for some reason with certain looks.

Quite simple really, you just don't, because not looking at each others eyeballs is normal human behaviour.

I don't think I have the pleasure of understanding you. Are you saying that unattractive people are less likely to maintain eye contact and you think it inappropriate that you don't maintain eye contact because you consider yourself attractive? Need I remind you that "attractive" is a purely subjective assessment? It would only be relevant to how the person perceives themselves if indeed being attractive is a factor in eye contact at all. If someone thinks themselves the hottest thing that's hit planet earth they're likely to make eye contact, if it figures at all, regardless of your preferences.

So ... You're saying you find it earlier to maintain eye contact with women you find attractive, but it makes you anxious to do so? That you're only looking because you find them attractive and not in an innocent attempt to make eye contact in general?
Advice on how to maintain eye contact? Personally I don't see why we should have to. It's ridiculous, and I don't.
I will say I sometimes cheat if I want to make it appear as though I'm making eye contact on a rare occasion, by looking at the other person over the top of my glasses. I have negligible eyesight without my glasses, thus I can only see shapes. I can make out the dark shapes where the person's eyes are and look there. It gives the illusion of giving eye contact when I can't actually see anything but shadows. But usually - no, I don't want to do even that.

I don't usually do eye contact, though I prefer eye contact with people who have darker coloured eyes, than those who have light coloured eyes. Blue eyes are a little bit creepy. Usually with eye contact, it's like someone is looking into me, if that makes sense, it's a really weird feeling and I really don't like it. If I do eye contact its the odd glance then I look at something else.

I've always had real problems with eye contact. It's uncomfortable in even the best situations- I feel as if I'm spying on someone's inner thoughts, which to me is an inherently rude thing to do.

When I was a little kid (and I'm a very visual person) I used to get smacked for "staring." I got smacked for "staring" quite a lot, too. I don't think Mom realized that I wasn't intentionally staring at people and (in her perception) being rude, I was simply trying to read their expressions (which I am very poor at doing.) I am also very nearsighted and didn't always have proper (or any) glasses as a child so I think my poor vision played into that perception that I was staring at people. Maybe I was staring, but I didn't have any malicious intent. I did learn to avoid eye contact from that experience though. I might stare at someone's forehead when I'm talking to them to look more normal, but I avoid looking into anyone's eyes.

I'm not sure if my aversion to eye contact came about from getting smacked for staring (more of a PTSD issue, and I have quite a few of those) or just an innate ASD thing.

For the last 8 or 9 years I went back to wearing glasses from contacts. Contacts are nice because you get better peripheral vision and no heavy frames sitting on your face, but glasses are cheaper, and I can see better with them overall, given that I also have astigmatism. The best part of wearing glasses is they give me a little something to hide behind. A lot of times the glare from the lenses hides the fact that I'm not looking you in the eye.

I really don't have a choice in eye contact or not, when I look at a person I can't hear what their saying, sometimes I look in their general direction but "turn off" my eyes, I don't close them I just only focus on their voice, or I turn my good ear to them.

yeah i always look at a different focal point like eyebrows or nose or somewhere close if i have to, but i'd rather look at something else like a whiteboard if i'm in class or my laptop

No I mean that when it comes to unattractive people [I am] less likely to maintain eye contact and think it inappropriate that I don't maintain eye contact because I consider myself unattractive as well and ergo ought to be giving ppl who come off as unattractive to me just as much eye contact.

Quote:

If someone thinks themselves the hottest thing that's hit planet earth they're likely to make eye contact, if it figures at all, regardless of your preferences.

Are you saying that if someone thinks there attractive they will have an easier time making eye contact with me for some reason..`~` b/c they're [i]more likely to be confident?.



* Tbh there's times when I can't decide btw the two ^~^,whether it is b/c there attractive or a mundane and innocuous attempt at doing the "normative" habit of keeping eye contact.

well my mother brought me to a class called dictie (it's dutch) ==> here they teach how to prununciate and they teach you how to speak with those useless tones. i actually hated these lessons...
these where actually acting classes but everyone that took 'em strangely talked unnatural
anyway the only thing i learned was that when you need to look at someone's eye (but don't want to) you can focus at their nose bridge ==> allmost no one ever notices it

Ah, I see. I'm curious as to why attractiveness makes such a difference in who you can make eye contact with? Because that honestly doesn't occur to me or make any difference to how I treat people - that I know of, anyway. Is it just aesthetically, or sexually? Why do you think it makes a difference? Does age or gender factor in if you have this noticeable difference in attractive Vs unattractive people?

I did type 'earlier' but iPad auto-correct had other ideas. And that's where I misunderstood you. I interpreted your meaning as you observed attractive people were better at maintaining eye contact, and I reasoned that that factor would only influence how that person saw themselves, rather than how you perceived them, if that was the case. So ... Disregard.
I am curious though. I dislike making eye contact period. The only people I can comfortably make eye contact with are very young babies.

For me personally I think it's more aesthetic--had this been asked a decade ago when I was a more "hormonally charged" teenager I think it would've leaned to an ostensibly/underlyingly sexual thing. I think it makes a difference b/c (without giving it a due "deep thinking") it's less agitating to put up with the lack of displeasure of looking at someone who isn't attractive.

-~- Goodness knows that what I sometimes think ppl think of me,although I sometimes feel that if I were in an area where ppl look more superficially like me,say an Hispanic country I don't think it'd be like that for me b/c I'd have a much more koinophilic look and easier than (hope this doesn't come as offensive; I know it's reflective of my own perceptions of inter-ethnicity dynamics) than hanging around a culture which is ostensibly multicultural,though built around the decisions of Caucasians who crave a commonality of attractive males of the Mike Channing Tatum-ish look.



I did type 'earlier' but iPad auto-correct had other ideas. And that's where I misunderstood you. I interpreted your meaning as you observed attractive people were better at maintaining eye contact, and I reasoned that that factor would only influence how that person saw themselves, rather than how you perceived them, if that was the case. So ... Disregard.
I am curious though. I dislike making eye contact period. The only people I can comfortably make eye contact with are very young babies.[/quote]

Thanks for telling me about auto-correct.

I don't. I don't even know if I properly use eye contact, but I certainly don't look into people's eyes when it's discomforting.

To put it bluntly, I suck it up and just deal with it.
Noone goes through life without experiencing discomfort or unappealing things.

I can't keep eye contact, it's not just uncomfortable it feels like a violation. I can't concentrate when I'm looking at someone, my mind races, and I feel an urge to stim. I'll explain to someone why I can't if they bring it up and they can take it or leave it. I'd rather have the pope put his hands down my pants than keep eye contact.

I can force myself to look into someone's eyes but then i cannot hear 50% of what they are saying. I generally make eye contact for a few seconds, then look away for a few sconds, repeat. Sometimes when i am in a conversation with someone and i HAVE to look away, i look behind them, which makes them think i actually see something behind them. Quite embarrasing.


I did not knew what autism was until about 3-4 years ago, even when my brother got a diagnosis way earlier.
Looking back at my life, i have always had difficulties with eye contact. I always get a weird feeling in my stomach when i do it but i never knew what it was or where it came from.

My parents thought it was social anxiety so they put me on social skill training multiple times, which i cheated my way through by writing down conversations i never had.. i just hated talking about NOTHING, so why bother practising small talk? I dont think the eye contact problem will ever go away. It is worse with strangers, but is better with people in my circle of trust.