difference between love and a special interest
I've been going out with my best friend for nearly eight months and then suddenly I've been hit with the same down, sad and unhappy feelings I get whenever I lose a special interest. Is it possible she was just a special interest? I know I have never experienced attraction in the way of 'she's cute' kind of way but I've never experienced that towards anyone before. I don't know what this is and I'm looking for advice. If it was a special interest can we get through it? Can anyone help me to distinguish the difference?
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nerdygirl
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Joined: 16 Jun 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,645
Location: In the land of abstractions and ideas.
Don't give up on the relationship. The feelings you are having are normal - they only indicate that the novelty of the relationship has worn off. You have become more comfortable. The change in feeling might bring about some feeling down or anxiety, but that doesn't mean that the relationship is over or that you have lost interest. It has only *changed.*
Sometimes, getting involved in things we are passionate (like a special interest or a new relationship) causes us to "eat too fast." This can cause some uncomfortable feelings after we realize what we've done. Just breathe, and give yourself time to "digest" the changes. It's all good!
To get through these feelings, think about all the things you enjoy doing with her, and keep doing them. Feelings of elation NEVER last in ANY relationship. One *cannot*, *MUST not* expect them to - that would only lead to disappointment. You learn how to enjoy the mundane with the other person, get through the lows (everyone has bad days from time to time), and cherish the high moments.
Sometimes, getting involved in things we are passionate (like a special interest or a new relationship) causes us to "eat too fast." This can cause some uncomfortable feelings after we realize what we've done. Just breathe, and give yourself time to "digest" the changes. It's all good!
To get through these feelings, think about all the things you enjoy doing with her, and keep doing them. Feelings of elation NEVER last in ANY relationship. One *cannot*, *MUST not* expect them to - that would only lead to disappointment. You learn how to enjoy the mundane with the other person, get through the lows (everyone has bad days from time to time), and cherish the high moments.
^what she said
I've been in a long-distance relationship for a year and a half now, and to be honest I do not miss the mood swings and turbulence from the first six months. There also seemed to be more superficiality involved in that phase; like a fear of making crude jokes, talking about basic bodily functions, worrying about one's own appearance while judging the other's appearance, so on and so forth.
Now it's not as fiery as before, but there is definitely more heat...if that makes any since. It's like the fire dies down and turns into deep, slow burning coals that are hard to see but 100 times hotter, and there's a connection and attachment that wasn't there before. The significant other becomes a source of calm and solace instead of a source of excitement; kind of a home for your soul.
Of course, it's good to work so that excitement is still there, but that takes action from both sides. Participating in new activities together really helps.
It's NOT good or feasible in the long-term sense to always depend on the other person for excitement. That just isn't sustainable and leans toward unhealthy obsession, instead of love.
nerdygirl
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,645
Location: In the land of abstractions and ideas.
Sometimes, getting involved in things we are passionate (like a special interest or a new relationship) causes us to "eat too fast." This can cause some uncomfortable feelings after we realize what we've done. Just breathe, and give yourself time to "digest" the changes. It's all good!
To get through these feelings, think about all the things you enjoy doing with her, and keep doing them. Feelings of elation NEVER last in ANY relationship. One *cannot*, *MUST not* expect them to - that would only lead to disappointment. You learn how to enjoy the mundane with the other person, get through the lows (everyone has bad days from time to time), and cherish the high moments.
^what she said
I've been in a long-distance relationship for a year and a half now, and to be honest I do not miss the mood swings and turbulence from the first six months. There also seemed to be more superficiality involved in that phase; like a fear of making crude jokes, talking about basic bodily functions, worrying about one's own appearance while judging the other's appearance, so on and so forth.
Now it's not as fiery as before, but there is definitely more heat...if that makes any since. It's like the fire dies down and turns into deep, slow burning coals that are hard to see but 100 times hotter, and there's a connection and attachment that wasn't there before. The significant other becomes a source of calm and solace instead of a source of excitement; kind of a home for your soul.
Of course, it's good to work so that excitement is still there, but that takes action from both sides. Participating in new activities together really helps.
It's NOT good or feasible in the long-term sense to always depend on the other person for excitement. That just isn't sustainable and leans toward unhealthy obsession, instead of love.
Very well said!
Special interest is the same as being in love, just with different target.
It gives us the same feelings as being in love with a human usually does.
We have the ability to fall in love with topics, items and people while NTs are capable of feeling the "in love" emotions only towards people.
I agree with what others have said. I used to be like this too. I often found it hard to stay in love with others and would easily lose interest in the person. The person I'm with currently though, I can ask myself everyday if I still love him... and it's like I can feel that love surging inside of me each time. It's kind of hard to explain. It's possible you may not have found the right person you want to be with. However, I wouldn't give up on the relationship though. Try to make things work the best you can.
Sometimes when love sort of fades, it usually means that you just need something to rekindle it. Do something with her you've never done before. I do that with my boyfriend sometimes. As long as it's something you two are both comfortable with. I mean, I'm in a long distance online relationship right now, and I've always found it easier to be in love with my current boyfriend too.
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“It doesn't matter what your challenges are as long as you're ready to try to overcome them.” - Carly Fleischmann
Diagnosis: ASD Level one; speech delay until age four, learning disability, Requires some support.
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