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ElizabethDwyer
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24 May 2015, 1:30 pm

So we are a group of 6 classmates who hang around in Law school. There is this guy i've known for 3 years and i really like him, but i have a hard time trying to know if he likes me too. He has some peculiar features, that i've been writing down for a long time, that makes me wonder if he has asperger syndrome : Although he's not very shy he only talks to few people and completely ignores the rest of the class; he's 100% focused on what the teacher is talking, the world could end, a plane crash, a meteor fall down , and he still wouldn't notice anything; sometimes when we're waiting for the next teacher to come , i catch him just staring blankly through the window; when i talk to him in class he's very polite and uses a somewhat technical speech; he almost never initiates a conversation with anyone, even though he said he likes to really likes to talk; I noticed at least 2 obsessive interests: He's probably greatest fan of The Smiths, he said he knew every song from every album, the date it was released and even could trace the personality of the members of the band (what?), always uses the same The smiths shirts (about 4), only changing the picture on it, and is also a Map geek, whenever we go to the library he always go to the geography section and take an atlas; he also does some strange poses, that sometimes make him look a little bit effeminate; and has a intense habit of cracking his knuckles, he does it all the time.

I once saw i man with his dog walking on the street and I said quietly " Look at that dog, it's so skinny", he suddenly stopped walking , looked back and said out loud " Yeah, indeed it is!". I felt so ashamed and argued with him " Stop doing this, the owner may be angry at us now", he funnily repiled " Well, i did not look at the man, i looked at the dog, if someone should ever get angry it should be the dog". :lol: :lol: :lol: .

He's a very nice person, really easy to talk,he is really tall (like 6"5),and people usually call him "the Gentle Giant".He is very sincere about his life, he says things to me that even my best friend wouldn't tell, I think he really trusts me. We always go the bus stop together, sometimes he helps with my books and lectures. When we say goodbye he always hugs me and kisses me on the cheek. Although he never complimented me physically, he said i am a smart girl and that he likes to hang around with me.

It makes me wonder if he's really into me, it's so hard to understand what's on his mind. If I initiatiate conversation we'll talking for hours, but if I just wait him to take the lead, he just won't talk with me at all.

What do you people think about it? Is he really an aspie? Should I ask him if he likes me? :?:

Sorry for my english. I'm not a native speaker.



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24 May 2015, 2:03 pm

ElizabethDwyer wrote:
What do you people think about it? Is he really an aspie? Should I ask him if he likes me?


My opinion : he sounds like an aspie. And yes, you should ask him, if you want to know how he feels about you, regardless of the answer. And you should go straight to the point.



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24 May 2015, 2:08 pm

He could be.

Either way, it sounds like you should initiate the first step.

Good luck!


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24 May 2015, 9:09 pm

Diagnostic Criteria for Asperger's

Aspergers has now been subsumed into the catch-all Autistic Spectrum Disorder
Diagnostic Criteria for Autism Spectrum Disorder

What is Asperger Syndrome?


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25 May 2015, 2:51 pm

screen_name wrote:
He could be.

Either way, it sounds like you should initiate the first step.

Good luck!
That's basically what I was going to say.


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25 May 2015, 6:15 pm

He sounds like someone that actually cares about his education instead of the majority of people who don't care and do the realise how lucky they are.

He is himself, rather than a clone having to act exactly like all his peers so god forbid he doesn't have his own mind.


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25 May 2015, 6:44 pm

starfox wrote:
He sounds like someone that actually cares about his education instead of the majority of people who don't care and do the realise how lucky they are. He is himself, rather than a clone having to act exactly like all his peers so god forbid he doesn't have his own mind.
^This, for truth!

Just because a person is 'different', that does not mean that he or she is 'damaged' in any way. Just because a person is serious about scholastics, and prefers to study rather than socialize, that does not mean that he or she is on the ASD spectrum, either.

Besides, only appropriately-trained and licensed mental-health professionals can make an official diagnosis of an ASD. We're all untrained, unlicensed amateurs here, so any 'diagnosis' of an ASD is as bogus as snake-oil. Online tests can not provide an objective ASD diagnosis, either.



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25 May 2015, 6:46 pm

Fnord wrote:
starfox wrote:
He sounds like someone that actually cares about his education instead of the majority of people who don't care and do the realise how lucky they are. He is himself, rather than a clone having to act exactly like all his peers so god forbid he doesn't have his own mind.
^This, for truth!

Just because a person is 'different', that does not mean that he or she is 'damaged' in any way. Just because a person is serious about scholastics, and prefers to study rather than socialize, that does not mean that he or she is on the ASD spectrum, either.

Besides, only appropriately-trained and licensed mental-health professionals can make an official diagnosis of an ASD. We're all untrained, unlicensed amateurs here, so any 'diagnosis' of an ASD is as bogus as snake-oil. Online tests can not provide an objective ASD diagnosis, either.


Thank you. I'm glad someone else agrees


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25 May 2015, 6:54 pm

starfox wrote:
Fnord wrote:
starfox wrote:
He sounds like someone that actually cares about his education instead of the majority of people who don't care and do the realise how lucky they are. He is himself, rather than a clone having to act exactly like all his peers so god forbid he doesn't have his own mind.
^This, for truth!

Just because a person is 'different', that does not mean that he or she is 'damaged' in any way. Just because a person is serious about scholastics, and prefers to study rather than socialize, that does not mean that he or she is on the ASD spectrum, either.

Besides, only appropriately-trained and licensed mental-health professionals can make an official diagnosis of an ASD. We're all untrained, unlicensed amateurs here, so any 'diagnosis' of an ASD is as bogus as snake-oil. Online tests can not provide an objective ASD diagnosis, either.
Thank you. I'm glad someone else agrees
You're welcome!

I wonder why it is that when someone is a serious student, the other students are quick to conclude that he or she must have some emotional, mental, or perceptive disorder that makes them that way.



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26 May 2015, 6:25 am

starfox wrote:
He sounds like someone that actually cares about his education instead of the majority of people who don't care and do the realise how lucky they are. He is himself, rather than a clone having to act exactly like all his peers so god forbid he doesn't have his own mind.


Fnord wrote:
Just because a person is 'different', that does not mean that he or she is 'damaged' in any way. Just because a person is serious about scholastics, and prefers to study rather than socialize, that does not mean that he or she is on the ASD spectrum, either.

I wonder why it is that when someone is a serious student, the other students are quick to conclude that he or she must have some emotional, mental, or perceptive disorder that makes them that way.


I hope those statements are not directly addressed to OP and that both of you are talking in a more general way. Otherwise it would be inappropriate replies to what OP said, in my opinion.



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26 May 2015, 8:28 am

30400v wrote:
starfox wrote:
He sounds like someone that actually cares about his education instead of the majority of people who don't care and do the realise how lucky they are. He is himself, rather than a clone having to act exactly like all his peers so god forbid he doesn't have his own mind.
Fnord wrote:
Just because a person is 'different', that does not mean that he or she is 'damaged' in any way. Just because a person is serious about scholastics, and prefers to study rather than socialize, that does not mean that he or she is on the ASD spectrum, either. I wonder why it is that when someone is a serious student, the other students are quick to conclude that he or she must have some emotional, mental, or perceptive disorder that makes them that way.
I hope those statements are not directly addressed to OP and that both of you are talking in a more general way. Otherwise it would be inappropriate replies to what OP said, in my opinion.
Are you a moderator?



ElizabethDwyer
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26 May 2015, 9:07 am

Thanks for the replies. I know these symptons I gave are not totally accurate, as they are originary from my observation and interpretation, but i know the difference between someone who is simply quiet and focused and someone who has something special.

He has that faraway look when he's talking with you, replying your questions as if it was for someone else. Unorthodox ways of presenting his ideas.

Sometimes he gets mad at little simple things, one day he became very confused trying to disentangle his earbuds cords, he simply became so angry with it that he almost tried to destroy it , but then tried to calm him down and offered to help him.



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26 May 2015, 9:15 am

Fnord wrote:
Are you a moderator?


Absolutely not.



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26 May 2015, 9:17 am

30400v wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Are you a moderator?
Absolutely not.
Good.



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26 May 2015, 10:51 am

If you believe he has AS then that's fine, but even If he has traits it doesn't mean he has a disorder.

Even if he does though, see him as a person not just a label. :) nowadays we are taught to label everything and it can be useful but can also get In the way.

All people with AS have very different personalities even If some traits are shared.


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26 May 2015, 4:32 pm

I don't disagree with what you and Fnord said in absolute terms. But I do find it inappropriate in the context of this topic, and it's just my opinion. I think OP's approach is nice, well-founded and objective, and she gave accurate examples. It's not like if she had said "This new guy in my class he never talk to the rest of us and does nothing but studying. He is weird so he must have Asperger, right?".

I think what OP is looking for here is more keys (because she already have some) to understand her crush better, and I'm sure she's looking in the right direction.