Where your parents abusive to you? What's their excuse?

Post Reply New Topic

I am just wondering if many of us with HFA or AS were abused mentally and physically as children. I know my parents were very abusive to me. Unfortunately, everytime this topic is brought up, here's my mother's response:

Well, you know, the same thing happened to my brother...and my mom did hit me and my other brother a few times, but I'm over it because "that's what people did at the time"...therefore, I really don't have anything to apologize for...neither do my parents...that's just what everyone did.

Needless to say, it makes me sick. I asked her how she would feel if all parents sexually abused children...if it would then be ok if she was sexually abused, since that was just what everyone did...She stoppped talking and then said..."you always try to confuse the issue..."

I see it as an NT thing that it's ok to do harm or anything, as long as "everyone else does it". On the other hand, my uncle, who's 65 or so, and still not understood, is the bad guy for although talking to my grandmother, never justifying what they did to him with the sorry excuse my mother has...

My parents were great - looking back. At the time I hated them, but it took me a long time to realise they were doing all they could to protect me. I was never actually abused as such. At home I was mostly a good kid - all the trouble I had was at school (though that paled compared to work!).

Whatamess, it's bad that your mother seems to find any positives in the way she was treated - and no you weren't confusing the issue with your question, because it was a bloody good question! Your mother reacted the way she did because you were confronting her with an issue that was never really closed - even though she SAYS she "got over it". Her reaction to your question shows - IMO - that she hasn't.

Really good example of why I see the phrase "Get over it" as a cop out and cowardly. It doesn't work and leads to problems later.

I was abused growing up, my father was an alcoholic, i used to get called a waste at least once a week, my father through an apt guide at me when i was 9, i was always hit for something, and i was also molested as a child, and sexually abused other ways also. My childhood sucked unfortunely

_________________
Being Normal Is Vastly Overrated

well i have had many traumatic events in my childhood. wasnt ever abused but was emotionally scarred, the last 27 yrs...

mom died, dad left before i was born
was in a foster home
adopted, family split up at around 6 yrs old
sucky, emotional roller coaster at my job in the grocery industry....
uncle died when i was around 20ish.
moved to many places in my life time
struggled with violent drunk roomates..
almost lost my grandmother at at 25/26 yrs old.
another uncle going to IRAQ and afghanistan (in the military) worry about his safe return....
he returns.....

and now i'm scarred for life.....

I was in what my mother who's a RN calls an "impossible situation" with being abused physically and mentally and emotionally. All of the abuse was from my younger sister. I remember going to school with bruises on my arms and not showing anyone, just telling my mother and father (when they were together). My younger sister has an Antisocial Personality Disorder and is very high strung in thinking that she is superior while the rest of the world is stupid. When she found out I was labeled LD that's when the labels started coming verbally, and she also stated alot during childhood how I would never amount to anything. The physical abuse started when I was 7 and she was 6. I was acting very hyper and she was pissed off at my loud noise making and she literally picked up a wooden chair and slammed it on top of me, and it broke! That incident traumatized me, even to this day!
The only thing my parents did when that happened was send both of us to our room.
My younger sister and I are both adopted. The verbal name calling still is present even when my younger sister and I are both in our early 20's. However, the only difference is, is that I am with the Lord and she is in her own direction. Also, when it was announced that I had Asperger's she really started calling me names..the usual..the "R" word and others.
Whenever my younger sister gets angry I fear that she is really going to hurt me. However, since we live with our mother, she is my only shield in protection. I thank God for her.

Hi, im an NT and couldnt disagree more with the assertion 'its such a typical NT thing if everybody does it ill d it.'I can feel and empathize with your needs of putting such thing in a box where it is maneageable...unfortunately its not black or white.
Unfortunately the dynamics of abuse are such that peple who were abused as chidren can grow up not having a model of reference that might be healthier. This goes for both, NTs and AS. One can always break the cycle and learn new ways of relating with support of a good therapist..r a caring present friend...this is not an easy path but having someone caring and witnessing one's pain can create miracles. I was abused as well as a child, by multiple abusers. Someone i absolutely love who i suspect has AS shared his mental and physical torture as a child with me. I felt so angry for him!! ! He seems to have no emtional respose to this. My heart bleeds fr him as i dont know if it is his AS or simply a result of trauma that his emotioal self is so withdrawn. He has someone caring in his life now and i hpe this might bring some change in self caring attitudes.
I suggest to anyne wh has shared their histies here to acknowledge how tugh life has been and not to expect to be functioning 100%all of the time. Take time, be mindful...be loving to yourselves.

Hi, im an NT and couldnt disagree more with the assertion 'its such a typical NT thing if everybody does it ill d it.'I can feel and empathize with your needs of putting such thing in a box where it is maneageable...unfortunately its not black or white.
Unfortunately the dynamics of abuse are such that peple who were abused as chidren can grow up not having a model of reference that might be healthier. This goes for both, NTs and AS. One can always break the cycle and learn new ways of relating with support of a good therapist..r a caring present friend...this is not an easy path but having someone caring and witnessing one's pain can create miracles. I was abused as well as a child, by multiple abusers. Someone i absolutely love who i suspect has AS shared his mental and physical torture as a child with me. I felt so angry for him!! ! He seems to have no emtional respose to this. My heart bleeds fr him as i dont know if it is his AS or simply a result of trauma that his emotioal self is so withdrawn. He has someone caring in his life now and i hpe this might bring some change in self caring attitudes.
I suggest to anyne wh has shared their histies here to acknowledge how tugh life has been and not to expect to be functioning 100%all of the time. Take time, be mindful...be loving to yourselves.

My parents weren't abusive per se (although I got spanked at least once a week), but more like Machiavellian; they believed that they knew what's best for me, while my opinions were "pure stupidity" (their words). As one would expect, my parents were extremely strict. I had no freedom whatsoever, and had to obey them without question. Their excuse was that they were doing it for my own health, even if my happiness had to be sacrificed. As a result, I've become very emotionally cold and bitter; in fact, I'm not planning to ever have kids, for as long as I live. After I moved out of my parents' house, things improved somewhat. I now visit my parents from time to time, and talk to them about twice a week, but don't feel any closeness to them. Why visit, then? They paid most of my college expenses and didn't charge me rent after college, so the least I can do is give them the comfort of knowing I haven't gone missing.

My family did physically abuse me.

I fogive them for it. They were undeducated people with a hisory of abuse.

I've always known that and never held it against them. I used to tell my Dr 15 years ago I dont want to talk about family I know theyre wrong why did I and am I still having trouble at school?

I didnt know about AS then.

Am not hfa/aspie [wouldn't have thought that mattered?] but have been abused since childhood,at least from own view it was abuse.
Mum has been an alchie since before am was born and used both physical and mental abuse [physical only if very drunk],sometimes there was a lessening in the way she treated am,and then it'd get worse again,she tried attacking with knives, and the police were called out a lot but they wouldn't do anything about it unless there was actually damage done.
It didn't bother am,as am stood there and would have took it,but sister got it bad off her as she was nasty back.
Am do not agree about NTs as a group being the only ones who have that copying idea,dad [undiagnosed aspie] was the same and used very abusive punishment against innocent behavior and not trouble,not long ago he said his dad had did it to him,but with belts,canes and sticks,and his dad did it to his dad and so on.
It's no excuse,but it's no NT trait either,it's just tradition to some people,some choose to not carry it on,others do.

The only abuse that I've received, was that it became taboo for me to talk about my obsessions, plus the fact that my uber Canadian parents couldn't stand the fact that I spoke with a pretty strong Cockney accent, that I've thankfully never lost.

My real father was a bit abusive. My mum wasn't.

I don't believe only NTs abuse their children. However, with that "everyone else does it", that seems to be an NT characteristic more than an AS one...therefore, I wonder if NTs use that more as an excuse...I just never hear AS people say, I did X or Y or Z because everyone else does it...

With that said, I have "forgiven" my parents, but not because I believe what they did was correct, not because I believe they did it because everyone else did, therefore it's ok...but only because I think they are idiots and were idiots...and geez, I can't blame them for being idiots.

My mother has somewhat tried to make up for it, although she continues to harrass me many times...I think she knows she did wrong...even with that lousy excuse...and has sometimes tried to make it up to me...my dad? He's a different story. He hasn't even tried to make it up and would still be as abusive as he was before if I weren't old enough to tell him to take a hike or if my husband wasn't around to kick his behind if he dared touch me...He already tried it a few months ago...

Yes my mum mostly emotionally abused me and occasionally physically as well. The excuse used in my family is "we didn't know you had asperger's" in my opinion that doesn't make it alright.

She would
-scream
-name call
-control
-threaten
-compare me to my brother

Also other things which are maybe "excusable" given my undiagnosis like hassling me to have kids at school come over.

Lets just say there is a good reason why I have PTSD

My parents often put me down, insulted me and constantly reminded me that I'm too stupid to get a job.