How can I self-advocate to my parents?

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K_Kelly
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27 May 2015, 7:06 pm

How do I self-advocate to my parents that I need to do certain things, like shop for my own groceries, or have my mom stop doing my laundry for me? The issue: My parents shop and mainly dictate our diets, but I can take a bus (actually a short van for physically disabled people and the elderly) to and from the grocery store and buy my own stuff. But how do I properly self-advocate to my parents without sounding whiny?



Janissy
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27 May 2015, 7:15 pm

My advice is to not try to explain to your parents but rather to just do the things yourself.

There will be friction at first because your parents have so long been in this role of doing these things. The first time you do your own laundry your Mom will say, "you did it wrong" or "you don't have to do that, I can do it for you" but persevere. Keep doing it yourself.

The first time you buy your own groceries, your parents will say "but we already bought enough food, you don't need to buy more" but persevere. Keep doing it yourself.

After several (or hopefully after just a few times), they will get used to you doing it and it will be the 'new normal'.



kraftiekortie
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27 May 2015, 7:48 pm

I think it's an excellent idea to gain more independence.

Janissy offers good suggestions.

You don't want to be stuck dependent on your parents forever!



ASS-P
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27 May 2015, 7:54 pm

...2



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27 May 2015, 9:28 pm

Janissy wrote:
My advice is to not try to explain to your parents but rather to just do the things yourself.

There will be friction at first because your parents have so long been in this role of doing these things. The first time you do your own laundry your Mom will say, "you did it wrong" or "you don't have to do that, I can do it for you" but persevere. Keep doing it yourself.

The first time you buy your own groceries, your parents will say "but we already bought enough food, you don't need to buy more" but persevere. Keep doing it yourself.

After several (or hopefully after just a few times), they will get used to you doing it and it will be the 'new normal'.



These are good suggestions.

Good luck!


_________________
So you know who just said that:
I am female, I am married
I have two children (one AS and one NT)
I have been diagnosed with Aspergers and MERLD
I have significant chronic medical conditions as well