Do you not offer other people things?

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Sorry, couldn't think of another way to word that.
What I mean is, say there was one unopened can of coke on the table and the other unopened can of coke was in the fridge, on a really hot day, and you and another person both wanted a cold can of coke right now. When you go and get them, would you consider giving the other person the cold can and having the warmer can what was left on the table to yourself, or would that thought not enter your head and you just automatically help yourself to the cold can and give the other person the warmer can?

I was just wondering if most Autistics don't consider these things when sharing. But it's not a selfish thing, more of a lacking of theory of mind thing or some other social cue, but to other people it might look selfish.
Personally I don't lack theory of mind so I don't have this trait, but is it common in most Autistics who do lack theory of mind to typically keep the ''best choice'' to yourself every time, and give the other person the ''one left over'' or the ''not so good'' one? In other words, having trouble thinking of the other person without realizing?
Or, as another example, offering someone the last cake, or asking if anyone wants the last cake before you eat it. Do you have trouble negotiating/discussing stuff like this?

It was just something I thought about the other day.

I would have to say it depends on whether I like the individual or not.

If I like the individual, or have close ties to him, I would offer him the cold can of coke.

If I couldn't care less about him then I wouldn't hesitate giving him the warm can of coke - unless he knew of the cold can of coke in the fridge and would put up a big stinkbomb about not getting the cold can of coke.

I was raised to give a guest the best of what there was, and that's what I do.

I'm certainly aware of that kind of thing. And I usually try to be nice/polite. If the individual is a shít person, then I don't care. If I reeeeally need a cold drink and I want to be polite, then I'd probably share the cold one with the other person.

If I knew we both want cold coke at the same time I would take two glasses and share the cold coke and put the warm coke to the fridge so we can share another cold coke later. This is the fair solution, isn't it?
The same with a cake - why not share 50/50?

A last candy would be problematic though. In that case I would ask "Want this candy?" and if the person said "No" or didn't say clear "Yes" I would eat it without hesitating.

Same with stuffs I really like - I would maybe ask "Wanna try?" but I wouldn't give my whole portion. But it isn't much of a problem - my sense of taste is unusual so most people don't want more after they try it and some won't even dare to try.

I probably would give the cold can of Coke to a person other than me.

However, I wouldn't take the warm can of Coke. I would probably go out and get a cold one from the corner store.

Or I might just drink cold water, instead.

I know this is off-topic a bit, but it interests me that a few people have identified that if they didn't like the person, they would not show them the same respect as someone they did like. I'm curious what is behind this thinking? It's not just autistics, either - many (there are positive exceptions) NT people I speak to seem to believe that personal dislike is a perfectly valid reason for disrespect or direct rudeness/nastiness. This hasn't occurred to me - my behaviour toward people is more about my standards for behaviour - their bad behaviour or my personal preferences aren't a basis for disrespect.
On topic - I tend to share equally. If we can split it, great. But I would ask beforehand to be polite and don't just assume I can take whatever I want, whenever I want, with no regard for others.

I have noticed the double standards, when someone doesn't like someone, they always disagree with them but if another person they like expresses the same view, they agree with that person.

People are more critical and judgmental about someone for the choices they do or what s**t happens to them but yet if it happens to their friend or to someone they don't dislike, they are not as judgmental or critical and they act like it's okay for them

I notice it's human behavior because I have seen autistics do it too and I have noticed when I treat everyone the same, I am seen as a hypocrite. It's like when I don't like someone or can't stand someone, I cannot ever agree with them or feel sorry for them or think what is being done to them isn't right or is unfair, etc. or else it's hypocrisy. But to me it's the other way around. I do not understand this behavior among humans.

But yeah what you have pointed out, I have also noticed it too. I have also noticed when some people don't like someone, they will tell them what they really think of them because they do not care and I bet they are not afraid of conflicts. Online it's a lot easier to tell them because you don't have to open their reply or open the thread again to see their response or see their IM because you can just hit the block button before they can respond. To me it's a cowardly act.

It does make me feel like a fake when I am being nice to anyone, even if I don't like them. Hey if they are being civil with me, I have no problems being civil back with them. I do not want to be rude or mean or be disrespectful, it's not in my nature to do that unless I am provoked. I also do not like to ignore people so if they talk to me, I talk to them. I have been told this is a good quality to have but I have seen so many posts here about "fakes" people who "pretend" to like you and be your friend. That tells me I am supposed to not be nice to someone if I don't like them? I am to treat them like dirt while I am nice to everyone else? Do people here want others to be mean to them if they don't like them?

I have no problems offering because I do not want to be selfish or self centered and if the person doesn't want it or they tell me I can have it, I have it.

Not offering someone you dislike something is a human trait, by the way.

And it seems everyone that posted in this thread, including me, would offer the guest the "better piece", so that proves that Autistics don't just think of ourselves. Offering other people things is a social gesture.

Ok thanks for the replies anyway.

Offering the better option of what you have available to you isn't "respect." It's a favor. It's not the bear minimum of decency, but rather the next level of kindness above that. If you and another person both have an equal "right" to the cold soda, it isn't rude, nasty, or disrespectful for you to have it. (Would it be rude, nasty, or disrespectful of the other person if they got cold soda?) Rather, it's disrespectful to yourself to believe that you always have to sacrifice what you want for the sake of what others want.

I would give the cold coke to the other person. Like CV2, my personal feelings about the person would not change my actions.

However, my husband does complain about me doing this type of thing from time to time. So, I'm guessing it has more to do with wether or not I was specifically taught some form of etiquette regarding each scenario and if I regard the scenario as applying to what I was taught. I *was* taught to offer the best option to others, especially guests.

An example where I fall short:
(This one happened recently)

My husband made dinner and set plates out on the table. He called everyone to come eat.

I noticed that there wasn't a fork at my plate, so I grabbed one and sat down at the table.

My husband asked me if I thought anyone else might be needing a fork or if I was the only one. I was very embarrassed, but got up and got forks and then drinks for everyone.

I was not intending to be rude at all. I was very embarrassed when it was pointed it out to me. It just simply didn't cross my mind. ...which is what I think you were talking about, right?

If an egg gets peeled wrong, I try to give it to my mother, but she makes me take it.

Interesting. This is all subjective speculation remember, not irrefutable and universal fact, but a matter of individual perspective. I would not consider such a "favour." To me, that is basic. Not to do so would be considered disrespectful if I were observing my own behaviour (as in, I acknowledge others operate differently and that's fine). How would you define "right"? The only measure that springs to mind for me is if someone bought whatever it was, thus it was their property, rather than yours, but that doesn't quite fit this scenario. It might indeed be perceived by me as rude if the other person decided not to share equally, but still that wouldn't provoke me to return like for like, because that simply isn't the way I operate. I don't understand an eye for an eye. I suppose it involves what you value, too - if I was to lose out on something in order to maintain my principles, that would rather be considered by me as a gesture of self-respect. If it were a more important matter yes, you're right I believe that you can't always live your life to please others, but even in the important matters, I will try to work things out so I do what I feel is right, but others don't have to suffer for it. In the trivial matters, it's more important to me to behave in a way that I perceive as the right way to do things, even if yes, I may sacrifice trivial comforts/conveniences.

In that cold Coke scenario I would probably remember to offer them the cold can, as I know a guest should be given good treatment and I am a kind person by default, so I wouldn't hesitate to give them the nicer Coke.

But I regularly have a more general problem of simply forgetting certain politenesses like offering anything to eat or drink at all!

And not because I'm rude, lack hospitality etc, but because for some reason this is something that I easily forget all about. All my life I've had to make a strenuous effort to remember even the most basic "gracious hospitality" rules. I don't know why. It's like I literally forget other people have needs. I'm not in any way intending to be thoughtless and I do actually care about others' needs. It just goes out of my head as to attending to them.