How to interact when playing?

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I have a son with autism, and work with children with autism, and my question is this, how do I find a way to interact when we are playing? When we do worksheets it's easy to discuss what we're doing but once we begin a craft he's away and there's no talking to him. He won't respond to my questions and is in his own world doing his own thing. He's incredibly bright and creative, always coming up with new ideas and determined to carry them out, however I know I'm supposed to encourage interactive play together. I'm at a loss. Any suggestions? I try to keep my talking to a minimum and ask simple questions but even those aren't being responded to.

I would try to become a character in his world. You'll learn about his world through reading the products of his creativity.

Why is it important to interact during play?

I mean, I think turn-taking is important and can be done in activities you instigate. But, when he just wants to be...why *is* it important to interact?

This is a problem that I have always had with special ed teachers, so take notes.

1. DO NOT FORCE HIM TO INTERACT. This includes even addressing such in the imperative form of speech. You will then be classified as a threat.
2. GET INTERESTED. Learn what he/she is doing and how you can integrate that in learning.

Helping with social interaction is part of my assignment. ie; turn taking, learning to lose with appropriate responses, and communication. I always bring some kind of fun activity for the end of my sessions such as a box that can be turned into a car, etc, which he loves. Once he gets started working on it I'm very much in the periphery and he won't interact with me any more. That won't help with his play skills which is something we're working on for effective peer interaction.

I compliment him, ask if he needs help with something, but with almost no response at all. I have tried to creatively force the issue, created 'phones' to call him on, but as you said I don't want to be an annoyance or threat. So I guess I should just let him get to work and not push it? Some projects are more successful than others but generally he gets creative ideas in his head and no one else exists. That's not a bad quality at all, however we want him to make friends too and friends want to play together. I just want to help him in ways he'll be receptive to.

I had the same initial response to this as screen_name. Why do you need to be "interacting" all of the time? Is that even "normal" for someone without autism? (genuine question) Especially if you have just spent the whole session "interacting", it seems to me that allowing him some time at the end to relax would be entirely appropriate.

Also, I have used inverted commas around "interacting" because his perception of it may well be different from yours; it is quite possible that he is listening to you and taking in everything you are saying and doing even if he is not obviously responding to it and, from his perspective, that may constitute an "interaction" (as opposed to pure "alone time" where there are no expectations of him).

I still believe it would be useful to interact with him based upon the products of his creativity.

I'm not into "forced" interaction--but don't you believe one of the objectives of his education is to enable him to benefit from his creative production?

I believe the facilitator (the one initiating the interactions) and the recipient should seek to meet each other half way. I think the facilitator should use gentle, but definite methods, to bring that about.

I don't believe it is of benefit for him to remain isolated in his own world. I believe steps should be taken to enable his emergence into a world beyond himself. Not forceful steps...but steps.

That's the real challenge which is hard to balance. For instance, we did a project with two other children and while they talked and played he didn't acknowledge or interact. I don't spend that much time with him at all so encouraging those skills is hard. I know he is listening but other children want to play 'with' him and there is my struggle. It's the techniques with which to master this teaching skill with him. I want to make it easier for him as he gets older if I can.

Edited to make clear this is a response to kraftiekortie (as I am a slow thinker and there was another post meanwhile)

I don't think we entirely disagree here, although I may have expressed myself badly. What I was trying to get across was that, for me at least, there is some balance between periods of interaction and periods of "down-time". If he has just spent a whole session on an interactive activity then I could see how he might see the production of toys and games at the end as signalling a transition into "his time" and be taking the opportunity for a well-earned break. Perhaps making the creative play the focus of the session at the start when he is fresher might help? He might also then be more able to see the interaction as part of the purpose of the game (perhaps this could even be explained to him). I could be completely wrong of course...

Teach turn-taking. It's the foundation.

The more complex social interactions can come later (if at all).

I wonder if modified Tools of the Mind techniques would be useful. It has a more overt method for navigating social play (it's designed with typical children in mind).


And like LittleBlackCat, I didn't mean to come across as combative or against your plans altogether. It *is* helpful information to hear that those skills are what you are specifically working on.

I can sometimes be defensive about changing nature too much, in the way that it invalidates the other person. I can see now that this is not what you are doing at all. And learning the interact cooperatively with others is a very important life skill.

(Still though, even Temple Grandin was allowed one hour a day to just "get lost". ...I liken it to "downtime" that an adult might take after a hard day of work...taking it away altogether will eventually create disasters. But, I see now that you are part of this person's "work day", so are not orchestrating the entire story. And as such, it makes send for you to be pulling him out.)

Some ideas:

Complete short-medium term art and craft projects together. Devise the aim and a broad plan together.

He should lead the activity and you should facilitate.

Use larger sheets of paper roughly the size of cuts off from wallpaper, enough room for both people and share the tools, materials etc.

Create a large paper mural project over a week, which you both work on, an image of his choosing, for example a tree, broken into different sections, trunk, branches leaves etc and stick the completed sections together every day.

He decides on the materials etc. Its important that the arts and crafts remain as a child led process, as a method of self directed learning and expression.

I agree with that. Of course EVERY kid (and adult) need "down time."

And I believe Amity has a nice, tangible plan, based upon experience.

I don't believe in "force" applied to interacting.

But I believe the goal should be interaction, rather than a concession to the non-interaction.

Was the project complex? Was your son focusing on completing the work? Or, was he totally disengaged, doing something totally unrelated? I have some photos of me doing an art project when I was in pre-school. I was in a trance, 100% focused on the project. That laser-like focus remains with me to this day.


What happens when they engage in non-project activities, like Tag or “Duck, Duck, Goose”. Does your son participate? Does he laugh and is he enjoying himself?

From my experience, I would not force interaction. Not that I know any better, but I think it’s important for youngsters to feel comfortable being themselves. That pushing them outside of their comfort zone could introduce anxiety into an already complex psyche.

I'm not sure what is meant by "creative play" here, and I don't know how old your son is.

I like Amity's ideas.

But, if the creative play has to do with actually creating something (say Play Doh or drawing, etc.) I would not force interaction. I can't tell you how many times I am interrupted in the course of some creative work I am doing, and it is extremely frustrating. When I am in "creating" mode, I need to be alone to do my work. When I am interrupted, it is the same as when I am interrupted when talking. It is like an arrow stabs my thoughts and they vanish. When creative work is involved, I could have been on the path to a "stroke of genius" and the interruption causes the good idea in my head to disappear, sometimes never to be found again.

Would you expect interaction when someone is reading a book? It is the same thing when one is being originally creative.

If it is the type of creativity that is done when one follows directions and is not trying to be original, it can be OK to interact. Knitting clubs are a good example of this. But people at a knitting club are usually following a pattern. If they momentarily stop what they are doing and forget where they were in a project can easily look back at the pattern and count rows and stitches to restart in the right place.

However, this kind of interaction can be difficult for some people because they find it hard to do two things at once like that. What is the purpose of the activity? Is it to make something, or is it to interact? If the purpose is to make something and one finds it difficult to both interact and make something, the person who wants to fulfill the purpose of the activity will "err" on the side of ignoring interaction in order to make the item. I personally don't see the point of "creative play" being interaction. If I am making something, the point is to make the thing.

If it is "pretend" play, I don't know how to tell you to teach interaction. Maybe your son can invent the world everyone is a part of. I hated playing with dolls or playing house. But I liked pretending to be a spy or something like that. Of course, my sister didn't want to play that. It's interesting how "pretend play" only works, even for NTs, when it is a pretend world that someone actually wants to BE in.

To teach interaction, I personally think board games and card games are the pinnacle of activities.

Instead of trying to interact while he's working, try doing your own version of his project alongside him, then when it's done, see if you can start a conversation about your respective creations. He's probably ignoring you while he's working because you're interrupting his thought process. It's a little like trying to read while someone's trying to talk to you; it's very annoying. Interaction is important, but it's equally important to give him time and space to be by himself away from others; social connection is exhausting for aspies, a chore, not a pleasurable experience the way it is for most NTs.