Why are meltdowns ok for children but not adults?

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My 8 year old nephew got his braces today which was unexpected so he had a meltdown and was sensitive (his mom said). No not spectrum but it got me to thinking me a nearly 30yr. woman has a meltdown it's "grow up" "get over it" people expect me to be "stronger" or able to cope yet a child has a meltdown it's ok. I think this is a double standard an adult can have a meltdown as much as a child and it doesn't have to always mean a death or something catastrophic either. For me personally simple things and changes send me into a meltdown yet I'm expected to be able to cope. Anyone agree?

I think that regulating emotions and own reactions to uncomfortable stimuli or situations are important skills to develop as adults.

I agree with btbnnyr as kids we are expected to not be able to handle things and as adults we learn little tricks to help manage the things we can't control. In truth however we just really learn to hide our stims better. Instead of flapping we rub hour hands together, instead of rocking we shift or tap our feet, and so on and so on.

I think meltdowns are tolerated more in kids than in adult men, adult women tolerated even less, but I don't think people consider them ok for kids, more something they should be patient until the child grows out of. Not everyone is patient with meltdowns even in kids though. But maybe the point you're making is if someone has a meltdown, as they're overwhelmed, maybe there is little point judging and being intolerant, whatever the person's age.

Occasional meltdowns are ok, I think, and can happen in anyone who has a bit of a blowup in public.
It's the pattern of frequent public meltdowns that indicates someone needs to learn to regulate their emotions better instead of blowing up or breaking down at any stressful stimulus.

Adults are supposed to have learnt coping strategies, however times change and some you forget, so don't let 'em get you down but learn from them.

I half had one the other day, the problem wasn't that I had a stress out at trying to explain myself when being forced / threatened into something, it was that I had to do it in an open plan office with at least 10 people in whisper earshot and maybe 50 in total. Next time, I will ask / politely demand a private office.

Oh, I also meant to say...

There's loads of people (inc. NT's) that use blow outs as a coping / winning strategy!

My 30+ year old neighbour still thinks shouting and giving death threats is the way to get people on side, her favourite comment is "it's not fair."

Your neighbor doesn't sound like she's coping well at all.

She can't turn handles when closing doors either!

She's come to realise that me banging with a hammer out of beat to her music means that its too loud Still, its unfair she says lol

...16

Kids supposedly don't know any better. They aren't supposed to know meltdowns or tantrums won't solve anything (unless a tantrum actually gets them what they want, which is rewarding bad behavior) Most people don't know the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown, either.

When I lived in a home they were constantly trying to get me to develop "better coping skills". They were clueless about how just my living in a home made trying to cope even worse.

I disagree about the gender difference here--I think people fear meltdowns more in adult men than in adult women (and probably more in boys than in girls, though to a lesser degree). Men are usually stronger, and even when they aren't, society fears violence from men more than from women. It doesn't matter if the person having the meltdown is just throwing things at a wall or self-injuring as opposed to taking it out on others--people have a less tolerant reaction to adults than to children in this regard.

On the other hand, I think that it's seen as more a sign of illness in girls than boys, because typical girls are less physical. In other words, in males it's seen as "less autistic" and more just "guys being guys", but people react more strongly (out of discomfort and/or fear). Whereas in girls it's seen as more "crazy" but also less alarming.

I think because if the person is older they're supposed to have lived longer and had more experience to stop themselves/ have control over themselves from doing those things
And it's not acceptable for children to do those things as well, like a child has a meltdown somewhere and starts shouting, you know some of the people in that place might have medical issues and hearing a child shout might make it worser for their health or something

Another possible reason is that children are often too small and weak to do any great damage (except for the high-pitched, ear-splitting noises they often make, which might be less of a problem to folks who don't have hyperhearing than it is to me), so it doesn't feel quite so frightening. I've read that the people instinctively respond more leniently to children, we pick up on their larger head-size to body-size ratio and their big eyes.

Because most people do not know the difference between temper tantrums which is intentional behavior done to get something and Adult Autistic meltdowns so meltdowns are viewed as tantrums. Temper Tantrums while not liked are either expected in children or blamed on lax parents. If an adult is viewed as having a tantrum that is the ultimate immature/childish behavior. Why it might be somewhat less hated in women is sexism ie. It must be that time of the month. With men it is the ultimate example of not "manning up" (with the notable exception of athletes where it is viewed as the person caring about the sport he is playing. Go figure)