Pushing people away

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I didn't see a recent thread on this, but I'm curious if any of you have pushed people away that you really like/care about? Maybe out of fear of being hurt, disappointment, etc. Do you ever regret it later? Just want some insight if possible.

Yes. For fear of being hurt or betrayed, and also because when people get close to you it can be very overwhelming. They may mean well, but don't always understand you and often think that, in order to make you happy, they need to make you more like them. I can understand why it's frustrating for them. It must be hard to want to be friends with someone who may only want to see you every few weeks, and not for long. Or is always involved in projects which take precedent over social time. But, it is very hard having to justify every quirk you have to others, and being thrown into social bonding scenarios which make you feel traumatized.

Regarding fear of being hurt, it would be better if more people were just a bit more honest. I've been on so many dates and had the other person mention meeting again, but when I contacted them later I'd never hear back. Once I had someone invite me to meet some of their friends as the date was ending, then immediately change her mind. I have no idea what that was about, and prefer not to go through things like that again, since people are too difficult to read.

Is there anything someone can do to stop you from pushing them away?

Depends on the nature of the relationship, I guess, and I certainly don't want to speak for others or how comfortable they may be with making connections (or maintaining them). For whatever reason, I've always felt on my own and that people coming and going out of each other's lives was normal. I do still have two good friends from when I was young, but I know I don't really stay in touch as much as most people normally would. Since they live far away, I guess it's easier to maintain that friendship. I think I would only push people away if I felt they stood in the way of my goals or infringed on my sense of happiness and daily routine. I suppose that's how we all are, except my (our?) definition of that is probably very different from most people's. I also find it very hard to feel like my own person when I'm around others, unless we are really discussing a deeply a shared interest.

...B3

I think the one I feel the worst about is an online friend. We had gotten really close. She was always so sweet to me. But I knew if I ever met her in real life she'd probably see me as less. Because I have no social skills and I'm very anxious. I'm not sure how many people could understand this... but it was hard knowing that. Knowing I couldn't be close to her in real life. In a way, I just felt like a dead end road. So I stopped talking to her. Later she'd find me again and tell me I broke her heart.

Aside from immense guilt, I have to wonder how life might have been different if I had managed my feelings. If we kept having a supporting and caring online friendship. What that could have meant for both of us.

The only suggestion I could make is to take a breather when you're considering pushing someone away. You might spend the rest of your life wishing you didn't.

The reason I'm asking is because I was going on dates with someone who's very likely to have mild aspergers. She abruptly cut it off due to fear of commitment and wanting to figure out her career. She didn't really have a good reason to end it. Things were going really well. I'm not sure if she'll realize how great of a relationship we had or if she'll come back. She said she wanted to remain friends, however I reached out after a week to be friends and she said she needs more time. She said she was irritated and frustrated. I'm not sure if I should fight for her or let her come to me.