I need Advice

Post Reply New Topic

I am someone who likes new things... not new as in shiny out-of-the-box new, but new to me. Any different way of doing something, I am on board. I also love the idea of a neat desk with a place for everything and everything in its place... which is something I cannot seem to achieve.

One example is my BUJO, or bullet journal. I have re-made it 7 times since learning about them 4 months ago. I always think, this could be way better, sleeker, more organized. Then I google ideas on organizing and the BUJO. I come up with a new system (again, new to me) and jump in headfirst and in the middle of it. I don't fully research the idea, or understand how much work it is to keep the new system in check. I do steps like this: 1, 4, 7, 2, 5, 6... and so on. I've always been that way. I over think it. I don't know if I need a simple or complex plan... I've tried them both and I can only keep with it for, at max, a week...

Anyway, off topic kinda. I was wondering if anyone had a good system for keeping a balance checkbook in check, some way to have a to-do list (when you can't think of what to put on it, like me), or some system for an adult with Asperger's to live day to day without ending up in the red money wise, in the black depression wise, and out of my mind ADHD wise... I know that's a lot to ask from you all, but I have tried EVERYTHING to accomplish daily tasks that my mom can do with ease... and leaves me confused, not understanding why I can't...

I just got my diagnosis from my psychiatrist, or her opinion -- not officially diagnosed -- a short while ago (like a month). It makes so much sense now, as to why I was the way I was and am now. I am in the dark on what to do next. There isn't much help out there for adults with it on the internet or near where I live. It's all centered around children who are diagnosed... I am spinning my wheels, I think my therapist has lost hope for me ever changing, to be honest. I go back in with the same s**t that I went in with the week before, we set a small goal, and I forget until the next time I go in, and the cycle continues... Can anyone unravel what I just wrote, this brain dump of a post, and give me some kind of guidance... thank you in advance...

~Crow

How much do you have to do every day?

What sort of things do you have to organize?

Do you have many clients in whatever work you're pursuing?

I don't have that much to do to be perfectly honest... I go to work and work for 4 hours, come home and play minecraft till I go to bed... In the summer, its the same but longer hours at work. I can't think of anything to do, be it chores or hobbies. I am an artist who is working on a children's book, but I have a horrid time finishing tasks/projects.

I can't keep a checkbook register to save my soul, receipts fly every which way, my desk that I bought to pursue art is covered in everything from trash to soda bottles to receipts and paper scraps. My room is a disaster area, was actually trying to clean it to no avail till now (from when I posted this). I enjoy going to work, but when I'm there, I want to go home. when I'm home, I don't want to be there... I am a constant contradiction.

But anyway, I just want something I can stick with... I don't care enough to try though, so that may be where I need to start. But how do you start to care? I don't really care how I look, yet I think everyone is watching me. I don't really have a thought to mouth filter, so I regret all I say even though I want to talk to people. I love helping people, but I always get hurt because of that... I am forgettable, invisible, me, who can't keep track of the mountain of paper work she has, or remember to pay bills, especially the phone bill... even though it sends freaking reminders about it shutting off... I just need help, and I don't know where to look for it. All I think in the end is, 'what's the point...?'. We're all going to leave this world anyway, so why bother. why am I even here...

Again, if you can provide anything, I would appreciate it... tips, a system for daily tasks, bills, money management... anything would help...

~ Crow

I am so similar to you it isn't funny!

But I do believe, if you apply yourself a little more, that you can be more successful. You seem to have what many Aspies have" "Executive Function Difficulties." I have them, too.

I have a rambling mouth. I have no filter. People think I'm cuckoo. I know where you're coming from!

Maybe your best bet is to enter the amount of your bills in a computer....in something like Microsoft Excel...after you buy something. Buy yourself a safe to place your "important papers" in. In Microsoft Excel, or something like it, create "categories"--like food, art supplies, etc.

I've known a few great professors who were probably more disorganized than you....but, somehow, they were able to find anything they needed! And they hated anybody else who tried to organize their stuff.

But how do you care though...

And I'll try the excel thing, it's just I've done that too, but I overthink what I'm doing.

You care because you don't want to lose precious money.

You care because you might be responsible for somebody else's stuff.

You care because you don't want to have a meltdown because you're so overwhelmed.

Disorganization leads to meltdowns in my case.

I can't help with the checkbook because I'm not good at that myself. I'm ADHD and I have tried a bunch of different systems to try to form good habits.

Right now I like using apple calendar for events and appointments. I can see these on my watch as well so I always know what is coming up next.

I use apple reminders for 4 different to do lists: Today work, Today home, This month work, This month home. I set up my monthlies first with things I'd like to accomplish that month. Then each night I go in a pull a few things from each list to add onto the To do for the next day as well as anything from the calendar.

For good habits that I'd like to create I use the Productive app. In that I put things like do the dishes 3 times a day, track my food, go for a run, tidy the house, bathe the dog, etc. I can set anything up to recur daily, weekly, or even monthly.

I find that I do better with things that I can input quickly rather than writing down on paper.

I rely heavily on electronics to keep me organized. Whenever something I need to do a occurs to me it's "ok Google, remind me to..", or "Alexa ...". I make lists and reminders for everything. I also use an app called HabitBull. And I take pictures of lots of things like receipts which I always lose. Smartphones are very powerful devices.

For finances I use an app called Mint. I enter all of my expenses into its budget to figure out what my monthly expenses are. I have my income set up to be automatically deposited, but it's split into two accounts. Into one account is deposited the amount I need for my monthly expenses, and then into the other the rest. I set up auto pay for all of my expenses from the one account which I don't touch.

I only carry the debit card for the account with the "rest". I was always late with my bills and getting hit with overdrafts, and getting into debt until I did this. Now I'm actually managing to save a little bit.

Does anyone else get it in there head a belief, be it I can't care, I'm worthless, I'm useless... or anything else? How do you convince yourself your none of those? An earlier comment helped a bit, but my mom talked me out of a crying fit last night..

I was trying to clean my room. I was only keeping things because I thought she would be upset that I threw them out, not because I cared about the item... But then after the long night of crying and hugs, she asked, 'What is caring and how do you define it?!?' I couldn't answer her. This song is the closest I can come up with... I'll Be Right Here by Ashes Remain ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_MvhmPc_0dM )

I feel a little better about myself this morning... and I also remembered trying the KonMari method of cleaning.

If it doesn't bring you joy or serve a purpose, throw it out or donate it.

That doesn't involve caring for the item, its if the item 'cares' for you, makes you feel good, brings you joy.

I'm rambling again, but I had to share my thoughts. I am exhausted after last night, but I am still plodding along in my room. I now have less nick nacks to dust, less clutter, and less dust (which I'm allergic too). and I'm trying to find a place for everything, and put it there, so that I can think less and autopilot more. Or... place things strategically? I don't know.

Thank you everyone for responding. Whenever I ask for help, usually no one responds. Thank you for being the few who do.

~ Crow