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nlc
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28 Mar 2007, 7:38 pm

My apologies to anyone who's seen this post on Livejournal. I am truly thankful for the positive responses I received there and was hoping to get some great feedback here too.

I’m looking for your input. I’m a guest speaker at a large event in July. The event is honoring Al Gore for his global warming documentary. I can speak about anything. They don’t know this yet but I choose to speak about people with autism. On a global scale, can you imagine living in a world where society views people with autism for who they are – different to NT’s, but absolutely remarkable? This is my intention. You see, I believe people on the autism spectrum have phenomenal skills. Their brains function differently to NT’s and they are capable of such a diverse range of exceptional abilities. The amount that NT’s can learn from people with autism is staggering. Their different way of thinking and being can contribute greatly to NT’s and how they view life. NT’s spend all their time and money going to psychologists to get rid of problems that people with autism don’t have!

Who am I? I have Special Education Company. I’m a mom. My 7 year old has Aspergers. My nephew has autism. It was a learning curve for me. When my son was diagnosed at 2.5 years old with pdd nos, most likely aspergers, I’ll be straight with you, I was devastated. I wanted to fix the problem. At first, I just listened to the professionals. Then I spent days, weeks and month on message boards of people with autism. Yes, this one included. It took a while for me to get but it suddenly became very apparent. People with autism are perfect just as they are. It’s often hard to be accepting of them because NT’s care so much. They want people with autism to lead fulfilling lives and for NT’s this means society’s idea of a fulfilling life. For example, just the thought of someone being unmarried and spending most of their life alone seems like a miserable existence to an NT. Even though we do it with the best of intentions, we make people with autism wrong for being who they are. Our first instinct is to cure them, change them or fight autism. It doesn’t have to be this way!! ! We can enlighten the world. That’s my goal! I need your help? I can’t presume to know what you think. I need to hear from you. I have hundreds of questions but I’ll start with a few. What did your parents do wrong? What did they do right? What would have made the biggest difference for you at school? What would have done wonders for your self esteem? What could people have done differently to make you happier/more successful today? If you need to know more about me, I’m happy to share. Please e-mail me with your answers or post them here plus anything else you’re willing to share. Thank you!! !



SteveK
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28 Mar 2007, 8:06 pm

Well, AL GORE is a guy with no original ideas, lots of hype, etc... And you seem to care about autistics, and then talk about being devastated! ANYWAY:

I need your help? YEP!

What did your parents do wrong? They could have listened to me more.

What did they do right? They listened to me a bit, and encouraged me a little.

What would have made the biggest difference for you at school? Self directed instruction, and teachers willing to let you go ahead of everyone else. Better alarms, and maintenance. Better acceptance.

What would have done wonders for your self esteem? Any of the above.

What could people have done differently to make you happier/more successful today? Any of the above.

Steve



calandale
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28 Mar 2007, 8:11 pm

Using Steve's extraction:

I need your help? Eh. You could just fudge it, or rely on your spiritual link to unreality and divine the correct answers. That's really more up to you.

What did your parents do wrong? They spawned.

What did they do right? They let me live in my own hidden world. Too bad that I'm stuck in this one now though.

What would have made the biggest difference for you at school? Not having to deal with it. The building itself wasn't too awful, but the people inside I could do without.

What would have done wonders for your self esteem? Being made emporer of all that I survey.

What could people have done differently to make you happier/more successful today? Abortion or subservience.



nlc
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28 Mar 2007, 8:17 pm

LOL. Let me rephrase. I need your help.
Thanks for taking the time to answer the questions :-)



calandale
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28 Mar 2007, 8:19 pm

Thanks. I stick by my answers though. They may seem silly, but I don't think that anything else would suffice. I'm pretty screwed up.



SteveK
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28 Mar 2007, 8:34 pm

There WAS a large part of my life that ended several months ago where many of my answers would have been like calandale!

Steve



ZanneMarie
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28 Mar 2007, 8:42 pm

I believe you are right and I see the result of people who try to be NT on here all the time. They're miserable. They're convinced that happiness lies in pretending to be NT until they convince NTs they are. In the end, most of them feel like failures because they don't become NT after all. They think it's because they don't try hard enough or don't do it right. They believe they can't be happy if they are just themselves. They think no one will like or love them if they are themselves. That's what I've seen anyway. The so called dino Aspies seem to be more accepting of how they are and generally happier.


What did your parents do wrong? Not much. My mom left me alone to do my own thing. My dad loved me exactly like I was. He didn't think there was anything wrong even though I was strange, if not downright bizarre in NT terms.

What did they do right? They didn't try to force me to socialize. They let me learn whatever I wanted and didn't stop my interests. They didn't wish they had a "normal" child. They didn't tell me things were "all in my head" or that "I'd grow out of it."

What would have made the biggest difference for you at school? Actually, my teachers were great. In the days before Special Ed, they gave me extra lessons to do and later built me a completely separate curriculum and I took all my classes by myself in the library. That way I didn't bother the classes because I wrote all the time and blurted out all the answers. I excelled in school and went on to college. My counselors and teachers encouraged that and helped me. They never acted as if I was developmentally challenged, if anything they treated me as if I was very intelligent and need to be treated differently because I was special (and I don't mean special Ed either).

What would have done wonders for your self esteem? Exactly what was done. I think for me, it made all the difference. I never felt I had to be anything other than what I was. I still don't.

What could people have done differently to make you happier/more successful today? Abortion or subservience.



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28 Mar 2007, 9:47 pm

First off, I hope your speech goes well. :)

What did your parents do wrong?
Well, for some years they did spoil me a bit much. But hey, I was an only child. But I don't consider that a serious wrong.

What did they do right?
My mother is a psychologist and was trained in child development and learning theory, so she did a good job heading off a lot of bad behaviors before they became engrained. I never had an issue with tantrums because she got those to stop pretty quickly. She did this largely with a rewards system, so I was sorta in a Behavioral Therapy with my own mom, only as a psychologist it kinda came naturally to her. And she also let me be me. She always offered me plenty of opportunities to try new things but never forced me to continue them unless I wanted to.

I'm not certain how that could be applicable to other kids and parents. I mean, to have every mom and dad go through a graduate psych program before they have kids is a bit extreme, hehe.

What would have made the biggest difference for you at school?
Overall, my gradeschool was great. It was private and offered a lot of extra attention, guidance, and praise for its students. I tended to excel in academics and this was what was prized amongst the teachers and within the student body. So "popular" usually included "good grades" which was at least one in my favor. I really appreciate the teachers who took extra time with me to help me develop beyond what would be expected. I had one teacher who knew I liked to write poetry and even after I left her 5th grade class and moved to 6th, she met with me every Tuesday after school to read my work and critique and help me write.

Bullying was also kept to a minimum due to 1) the strictness regarding such things, and 2) even the student body didn't seem too preoccupied with dumping on the odd ones. I only had a few bullies and only one consistent one which is a small number for an aspie I think.

What would have done wonders for your self esteem?
Well, I always felt valued. But having more true friends probably would've made me feel more valued for my personality as well and not just my intelligence and talents.

What could people have done differently to make you happier/more successful today?
I think I'm doing pretty good as it stands. I don't suspect I'd change anything. Even the bad stuff seems to have somehow decided where I am today and as for where I am and where I'm heading, I'm very content with that. :)


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nlc
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29 Mar 2007, 11:42 am

Thank you all for putting so much effort in your replies. Truly appreciated :-)