trying to make sense of emotions

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As a recently (informally by psychologist) diagnosed aspie I am trying to make sense of some things.

My husband says I'm cold and unfeeling but I have at times been quite an emotional person. I don't know if I have consciously put a lid on that part of me or whether I really don't feel much.

When I was 13 my grandmother died - I was close to her. I used to stay round there every weekend and see her during the week too. However when she passed I didn't cry - I remember trying to make myself cry because I knew that I should feel something.

When I met my husband at 17 I seemed to become more emotional and feeling for a while. He often refers back to that time because he doesn't understand how I am now compared to then. Neither do I tbh.

When my cat died 6 years ago I cried non stop for 3 days. How can I be so upset then but not when my nan died?

I find it very hard to talk about my feelings partly because it makes me uncomfortable but mostly because I just don't really know what I am feeling or how to express it.

I'm just trying to understand how I could feel things at certain times in my life but not others?

I don't know why it is, but your post very much matches my experiences in life. I've had similar experience with crying. I've also been told I need to express my feelings more, which is true, though the people who say that do not always appreciate your honesty.

Was your cat's death more of a surprise than your grandma's?

I've noticed (only after that strangely wise kid on The Cleavland Show pointed it out) that it's possible to grieve for people while they're still alive. If someone is ill and you think they might die, you start grieving early. You also feel a lot of anxiety about their possible death, especially if you feel like you can or should do something to improve the situation. Depending on the exact circumstances, you might even adjust to their death almost completely before they die, and when they do die, it's actually kind of a weight off your shoulders. On the other hand, if someone dies very suddenly, all the grief hits you at once. Some situations are a mix of those two scenarios.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dissociation_(psychology)


http://www.myshrink.com/counseling-theory.php?t_id=13

http://www2.nami.org/Content/Navigation ... orders.htm

cyllya - thanks for your thoughts. My Nans death was a surprise to me - she went into hospital for an operation but didn't get through it.

My cat was ill for 9 months with heart failure so I knew the time would come but it hit me harder than I could have imagined.

Olypiadis - thank you for the links. That was very interesting as I could relate to a lot of it. So is dissociation a seperate issue or is it linked to Aspergers?

It can happen to anyone given the right conditions, but I think it is linked, because it seems to be almost a sure thing for us to have it to a significant degree, often extreme.